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Question:

Would any one of you be upset if…

…this morning your DH called you and said that BM texted to tell him SD was cold this morning and asked if someone (me) could drop off her coat to school. (She was sent to school with two coats and still cold.) I am the only one available to do this and had access to the coat. When I arrived at the school the secretary said, “Thanks, I was told this was coming” - BUT I never called ahead? Turns out BM called. I can’t put my finger on why, but this pisses me off to no avail. Can anyone help me work through this?

Great website btw! Wish I would have found this sooner!

Goody2Shoes's blog
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I can't figure out why this

I can't figure out why this is upsetting you honey...I'm sorry! I think it's weird SD has two coats and wanted another one and she might need to get checked out for some sort of medical issue that would cause this. But BM called ahead so you wouldn't look dumb going into the school with yet another coat for the already double coated SD.

maybe it upset you because BM calling ahead makes you feel like she's just assuming you guys would jump to do what she asked of you? I don't feel like that's why she did it though...because I think that even if you guys said, "uh, no we can't get over to the school today,sorry." that bm herself may have taken in a coat...so either way SOMEONE was going to be arriving with a coat for SD...hence the "call ahead" to let the school know it was coming.
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"Venting without the desire to look within and improve your situation is simply venting to hear yourself bitch."

"Never let the hand you hold, hold you down." ~Aut

Amen! She loves to try and

Amen! She loves to try and control me!

Yeah I think it pisses you

Yeah I think it pisses you off that they (she?) expected YOU to do it. But this is insignificant. Don't sweat the small stuff.

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Rome wasn't built in a day, and my marriage won't be either.

Well, I will tell you from

Well, I will tell you from my perspective why this would piss me off if it happened to me. This may not be like your situation, but:

In our case, BM, about a year and a half ago, loudly proclaimed that she was blocking my email and my cell number and would no longer communicate with me. This, after she had sent me a very rude, passive-aggressive email, and I decided I had had enough and carved her a new a**hole. But of course, it was all my fault. (She brings this email up ALL the time with DH, and yet somehow she never mentions that mine was a response to HERS. It was the first time that I had ever responded in kind to any of her B.S.)

Anyway. So since that time, she has said time and time again how she will have no contact with me, and that the subject of "the children" does not involve me AT ALL. However, since that time she has indirectly asked me to do a whole host of things for her -- but she always does it by asking SD17 to ask me, or asking DH to ask me. Some of the things she has "asked" me to do:

- Take SD17 on a trip out east last summer to look at colleges in Boston and NYC -- and I was to pay my own way. This was asked with a 2-week window before school started.
- Take SD17 to the doctor, dentist, etc.
- Make an appointment for SD17's 3-month checkup so that I would take her instead of BM
- Various other pick-ups and drop-offs because she had other things going on and didn't want to be bothered

So. My policy ever since she decided that she would no longer communicate with me is, I will not do anything for her unless she asks me herself. It is manipulative and disrespectful to assume that I will do these things, and it is treating me like a maid to not have the decency to ask me herself. I have told DH that if she wants me to do something, she will have to ask me, and that is the response that he is to give her.

You are not second best, you are not second class. Do not ever let anyone make you feel that way. - 2BLoved

You really hit the nail on

You really hit the nail on the head! BM has also told DH she is no longer communicating with me.

EXCEPT, BM would never ask me to do any of the items you listed above. In fact, the other day I scheduled an appointment for SD and she nearly came unglued saying that is not my responsibility and unnecessary.

But since you put it that way…it should be unnecessary for ME to drop off the coat to school. She needed ME to do it because she and DH work in another city.

I like your idea – if she wants a favor from me, she can ask me. Although DH would argue with this and say it is not a favor for her but for SD. ???

See, we need this kind of

See, we need this kind of background information to correctly dole out advice. If I had known that BM had told DH that, my answer would have been completely different. We need to know what kind of relationship you have with BM/ SD to give really useful advice.
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