Speaking from the point of view of someone who once had hot pink hair (yeah I'm a rebel, what can I say)...I still think this is messed up! She's only 3 1/2 ?! That's insane!!

"Live well, Love much, Laugh often."

OMG I WOULD LOSE IT....I MEAN LOSE IT. I WOULDN'T BLAME YOU FOR BEING MAD. THAT'S NOT COOL....

I was pissed when BM used sun-in in SS hair... he is TOO YOUNG to be messing with his hair color (he is 6) I completely understand. The day he comes home with some off the wall color that BM did, is the day I go balistic on her ass!! I sprayed his hair green once... but it was SPRAY color and it was because he was HULK for halloween. These people, I swear!

DISbelief~

~You have to BE crazy to UNDERSTAND crazy!~

She sees the child as a toy, like a Barbie or Dress Up Doll.
Not a person.
Forgot the name of the syndrome.
Not safe.
You have my sympathy.

"Those who deny freedom to others deserve it not for themselves." ~ Abraham Lincoln

Hey Thetis - Calm down... take a deep breath and relax. Breathe....

I understand completely what you are saying about SD and the fact that she is only 3-1/2.

BUT... the skid may or may not care.

This is what I would suggest to you, or do, if it were DH and I over here.

I would treat SD with a smile and hug and just like any other day. Gauge how SHE feels about her hair. If SD is excited or happy about it, then don't take that away from her, or ruin her confidence about how she looks. She STILL is your cute little angel, you know. Whether she has blond hair, pink hair, or no hair... that does not define this child.

Second... have DH deal with BM regarding dyeing SD's hair. But go from the point of ... This may not be good for SD's hair at this young age, it could damage her hair, SD could have an allergic reaction to the dye, etc.

This isn't about SD's hair color. It's about BM overstepping her boundaries and also using her child as an extension of herself without worrying about the welfare of her kid.

BUT if you make SD feel bad about it, she will. And that's unfortunate, because I doubt she fully understood what was happening, or the consequences of that decision.

*** A rainbow just threw up on me... and now I'm sh*tting glitter! ***

It's semi-permanent? Put her in the tub and wash her hair over and over and over and over.

"One should examine oneself for a very long time before thinking of condemning others." ~Moliere

Just ride this out Thetis. I know its embarrassing but it will wash out or grow out. If DH has a problem with this then he needs to tell BM to get his permission first next time. If he's really serious then he can add a stupilation (stupid + stipulation because BM should know better) to the parenting plan.

My BD has been wanting to dye her hair pink for the last year or so. She would be so jealous of your SD

Uh, what? A 3 1/2 year old girl has dyed pink hair? First of all, why would she subject her baby to such harsh chemicals? Does she have no idea the impact that could have on her development? Is BM nuts or is she just testing you guys to see how much she can get away with? Instead of both of you losing it, why don't you do some research on the chemicals that are in the dye, their effect on the human body (esp. kids if you can find it) and present it to her rationally? This is NOT ok - I could talk myself into saying it's child abuse too...

"There are two things over which you have complete dominion, authority, and control over - your mind and your mouth".

Sure ride it out.
But at the end of the day, BM still sees that kid as a toy.
I hate mothers, stepmothers, fathers, stepfathers, grandparents ... whatever they are ... that refuse to see children for what they are: people. Little, uncut, raw, naive little people that have such great potential.

"Those who deny freedom to others deserve it not for themselves." ~ Abraham Lincoln

Get Paul Mitchell clarifying shampoo.

I threw myself on the mercy of my hairdresser when BM pulled this same thing on us (twice now) and my hairdresser suggested it. I too was embarrassed to leave the house with my darling SD8, lest anyone think I had no brains and had dyed a child's hair.

The shampoo (which actually is for people with blond hair who swim a lot, so their hair doesn't turn blue) smells great and the little one won't go to her mother's house with stories of having her hair washed again and again. It won't remove the color, but certainly "deadens" the brightness quite a bit. Let it sit a bit.

I feel for you! I don't get this -- it just can't be good for children to have chemicals put in their hair.

Also mixing some baking soda in with the shampoo will help pull the color a little..... I've colored my own hair once too many times so I do know this will help!

I think she did the dying on purpose because she knows its CO and if she knows your going to a festival and wants to embarass you, she took the easiest route. Used her daughter against you guys.
I say, go to the festival! Wash her hair a couple of times, so its a bit light then, you can braid it along with her natural hair color to hide the pink.
Braid it! its going to hide it! She only did a strip...is her hair long enough to braid over the colored hair?
If not enough to braid, put beads in her hair for the day over that precise pink strip. This way, the beads are not permanent and you can remove them before she goes back to mom.
Beads are beautiful! its decorative and its fun to do with your sd. She'll probalby love it!

Thetis, I am so sorry that BM did this to your SD's hair...at 3 1/2 yrs. old no less. OMG that's so pathetic - your BM has more than a screw loose up there. She needs to get a life and your DH needs to find where he left his balls and confront her with this - immediately. I can't help but wonder what damage BM will do in the future if she's treating this poor little girl this way now.

I agree with the above posters here - this is BM treating your SD like a toy, certainly not like a child that needs to be protected and loved. Did she know that you & DH were taking her to the Winter festival? Why did she do it in the first place?? I could see if she were in a little kiddie play or for Halloween or something (and even then, I would NEVER dye a 3 1/2 year old girl's hair) and even in that case, I HIGHLY DOUBT I would even allow use of a spray color or anything else at that young age!!

We had a similar experience with our BM and my now SD15 and BM dyeing her hair all different colors (she started doing it when SD was around 11 or 12, I think). I can't imagine what my BF would've done if our BM did it when she was 3 1/2 - he would've killed her. Our BM used to be a hairdresser, so somehow she thought it was acceptable to start coloring daughter's hair. It wasn't.

I'm sorry I don't have any "color removal" tips for you, but perhaps I'd try everything the above posters said - ASAP. Don't worry about "offending" your little SD or damaging her self-esteem by removing the color (sorry Stick, not meant to be a personal "dig" against your reply or anything. I just disagree with you about how she'll feel "stripped" of her Mom or have her self-esteem damaged by having the color lightened/washed out/removed)...she's 3 1/2, for heavens sake!! She's not going to have her self-esteem damaged any more by having the color removed than the damage to her self-esteem that likely will be caused when the other kids at dance class or whereever are busy laughing at her!!

No need to do anything extreme like giving her 100 baths or anything. It'll come out - eventually.

I could definitely see a case of child abuse being made - with this as just one example of probably many others you've witnessed at BM's hands. There is NO excuse for this whatsoever.

If I were you (your DH), I'd keep good records of all of this - it may come in very handy in the future if needed for court, etc... You may not remember this incident down the road, when BM pulls even more egregious stunts with SD in the future. Sounds to me like the "fun" is just beginning for you. How long have you been with your DH? How has HE reacted to all of this, BTW?

Most importantly, it has to be DH that handles BM and stops this from going any further. SD is their child together and it is HIS responsibility to handle this and to protect SD. If he doesn't, then HE'S just as pathetic as BM and he's just as much to blame for the poor treatment at BM's hands as she is.

You have EVERY RIGHT to be mad - I would feel the same way.

Go and buy her a cute outfit that she can wear a hat with? }:)

Those chemicals could not possibly be good for a child that young. I know you said that it was determined not to be abuse. But have you talked to a pediatrician about it?

This thread is stupid. You're just a step mom. You should have no say in what her real mom does. Plus it's just hair dye. The vibrant colors are often natural vegetable dyes, no harmful chemicals. Get over it. Your language is much worse than any hair dye!!!

If there's child porn involved I can see being pissed over that obviously. But the hair wow. You guys need to get a life. If you knew anything about pinky colors you'd know it's safe!