How is it I can bust my a$$ and they still make me feel like crap!?
Princess and I went on a college visit on Monday. Here I am worrying all day about where to find money to send her to college and all the extra expenses involved- setting up the dorm room, sheets, towels, etc...
We were having a nice time. She and her boyfriend broke up 3 weeks ago, and she's been fun. She had a few moments Monday, but it was more teenage stuff than crappy skid stuff...
On our way home we stop in this great dress shop I know to look at prom dresses. They USED to have a clearance rack. (Loghead lost his job in December... and Loca Grande has never paid a penny.) Note "USED to have." Not anymore. Princess fell in love with the perfect dress. A $400 dress. So now I feel like crap because I never would have taken her in there if I'd known they'd become an upscale boutique. I pride myself on being a bargain shopper. Her dress last year was a $200 gown I bought for $4.
I don't want Loca Grande to buy her dress, even though she says she will. There's no way she'll pay for a $400 dress. She'll already have her tax refund spent before the time comes. And the dress they picked out together looked like it came from Whores R Us.
So I have spent every possible moment since Monday searching ebay, craigslist, discount sites to find a dress similar to the dream we saw. I so lucked out! At work on Tuesday, a lady I know posted a want ad to sell her daughter's dress from last year. It's practically the same dress! Princess's size too! I called my her up and we talked. I told her about Princess and the dress and Loghead losing his job. She's gonna let me borrow the dress for prom if I'll help her sell it on ebay after!
But that's not good enough for Princess. She doesn't want someone else's dress. She wants hers. She's worked it out with Loca Grande to make payments on the $400. Great. Guess who'll get stuck with that?
That part that's pissing me off is that her class leaves for the senior trip the day after prom. The senior trip her mother promised to help pay for and didn't so I gave all my Christmas money to the school to make the last payment. She's gonna need money for the prom tickets and dinner and pictures and after-prom. She's gonna need money for the week long trip for food and souvenirs. A week after returning, she needs a $200 deposit on her dorm room. Then 2 weeks later is graduation and the after- grad party. Then she starts her summer job as a counselor at a sleep away camp and she needs supplies...
I know sometimes I am too practical, but it seems absolutely frickin ridiculous to spend $400 on a dress she'll wear for 5 hours. And she doesn't even have a date to look good for. She's a beautiful girl. She'd look good in a sack!
And to top it all off, Loca Grande has left me three messages today to talk about the dress and prom. I haven't talked to her since December 19, sand I don't plan to start now.
Loghead and I have a family meeting to discuss this later tonight.. I hope he can see the reasoning behind all this and explain it to Princess and maybe even Loca Grande...
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Borrow the dress and keep it
Borrow the dress and keep it in your closet. When BM lets her down and doesn't pay for the "real" dress just explain to SD that you simply cannot afford it based on all of the other costs you are willing to pay for. She never sees her BM disappointing her because you come in and save the day. She's almost in college. It is time for her to understand that we sometimes have to compromise what we want for what we can afford. Let her mother disappoint her and pin that disappointment right where it belongs. Warn her before hand that if her mother bails, you will not make it up like you did the senior trip. In the past you may have, but right now you simply cannot afford it with her father out of work.
"A pessimist complains about the wind, an optimist counts on the wind changing, a realist adjusts his sails"
Awesome advice. Thanks. I
Awesome advice. Thanks.
I made the trip payment because it's a small town and everyone goes. (There's only 50 kids in the class.) They've been collecting small payments since 7th grade. The money was non-refundable so all the money we'd paid in would have been lost if I hadn't completed the last $150. It seemed like a really sh*&&y thing of HER MOTHER to do...
"I HAD to pick the road less traveled..."
I don't blame you for
I don't blame you for covering the trip. I could see how that would have been devastating to her and it really wasn't her fault, but the dress is a decision SHE is making and counting on her mother for. It is also not necessary (neither is the trip - but I can totally see that if everyone else in town goes, it is a BIG deal) and you've offered an affordable alternative. Like I said let her know up front that if her mother lets her down, you can't bail her out this time because you can not afford it. Make it clear that it will NOT be negotiable in the future. Her mother made a commitment and her mother will need to follow through or she will need to cope with the fact that her mother disappointed her. Get the other dress and have it as plan B so you can save the day if needed.
"A pessimist complains about the wind, an optimist counts on the wind changing, a realist adjusts his sails"
I agree, Borrow the dress.
I agree, Borrow the dress. She will also need shoes,evening bag/ pocketbook, hair done, nails, nylons, makeup, flowers, and many other things before the nights out. Plus all the expensis of the trip.
Maybe you can all sit down and write everything down with prices so she see's it in Black and white, and realizes how much ALL of this is going to COST!!!
I paid for my grandson last year.( to help my daughter out, she's divorced now) And I spent over 600. on shirt, shoes, socks,( he already had a gorgeous suit) flowers for his date. Dinner. small gift for her. And a share 1/3 of the limo fee....LOL 3 boys.. rented the limo together!