Its all on you. You need to make sure things are working for you, that you're not playing a role that you don't believe, or feel comfortable with. We are here for a reason. We love our BF/DH/SOs. If our lives are hell, then we need to change what we can and accept what we cant. Its tough. Its always going to be tough.
ST girls are not the rule. My SIL's boyfriend has an ex who can not stand him. However she was there at my nephew's 2nd bday so my nephew's step brother could be there too! (She's still breastfeeding and has issues leaving the kid)
Not all BMs are evil, not all DHs are braindead.
We're here because we all have similar stories. You rarely hear from the smoms on this site who are happy.

Alexandra; I'll be honest with you. I NEVER really even thought about becoming a SM, much less a 2nd wife...I was married for years to my "late" and we had a son together. He had an ex-gf, but she was no psycho. In fact, we are good friends today. (yeah)

Debating marrying a man w/ small kids? SO did I. Trust me, when I met dh, I was like, "Oh...nope."

My son had grown and I was widowed (young) so I "lived" it up for awhile...Then comes dh with his huge heart and our intense chemistry. Still, the "kid" thing honestly I was not thrilled with. DH only had ss5 a FEW times, off and on and I had ZERO clue as to what a pathetic pos his ex was....

So, think it over....again and again and again

I never had a sm or sd and was shocked at this new "lifestyle." It felt, well....odd? The whole step thing..

Yes, many of our stories are the same song and dance...read them carefully.

You can always go for a guy who has no kids, or his kids have flown the coop, per se...

You have to think about what you want also. Do you want sk's? His ex- whatever? Do you and he want more kids "together?"
Does he lift you up or drag you down? You get it. You're smart. Just pay attention.

MWC

( btw: went to appt. and I feel gawgeous..again. I'm still "me" after all!)

BTW: My DH is actually as old as my real mom when I made her a granny...(she would kill me for calling her that.)

So, the fact that dh is now....43 years old, with a ss of 5 years, was to say the least, different for me.

Ergo; "Think" it over and as Thetis said, not every sm and/ or bm are evil.

I mean, every other dude I know around dh's age either had teens or was sterile...or gay...so it was really hard for me to make that big "decision."

(That's also why I am on the pill now. I think his lil spermazoa are getting, well...."elderly.") As the doc insinuated.

Alex, I only know 3 women IRL that are in a blended family.

1.) Friend #1 is remarried, two kids are her Bios and the third is with the man she is remarried to. He doesn't have any kids from a previous relationship/marriage. They don't have blended family problems, however their child together is still a baby and they have only been married for two years.

2.) Friend #2 is engaged, two kids are her Bios and the third is with the man she is engaged to. He does have a 4 year old DD, but visitation was never established since he wasn't married to his Ex, so they only see her every so often. They have occassional prolbems, but nothing major.

3.) Finally, BM. She is remarried to a man that has one child with an ExW. They have serious problems, not only b/c her BM is just as crazy as she is, but other problems outside of being in a blended family. They are working on divorce #2, but I don't think it's directly related to blended family issues. It may play a little bit of a factor, but not all.

I think it really depends on the situation and what the circumstances are. I do believe step families have more problems than your nuclear family, just take a look at the divorce rate. You already have problems in a nuclear family...now add double the problems (problems that are usually more severe) and you have a recipe for divorce.

To be honest, I don't think you can generalize blended families as doomed, I do however think that it takes special people to be able to make it work and make it work well enough for everyone to be happy. You just have to decide if it's right for you, and if it's not...that's perfectly ok too.

(((hugs))))

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“Some cause happiness wherever they go; others whenever they go.”