Well that decision it yours, you are the only one living your life. But let me say that the way things are now will not change after you walk down the aisle.

Think about whether or not you can or want to continue living your life down this path. That will answer your question.

Oh sweetie! That is an easy one. DON'T MARRY HIM UNTIL THE KIDS ARE UP AND OUT!

Problems of this nature get worse, not better. And, I'd move into my own place. Let him court you for a few years. Make him have to please YOU, not the other way around. And, if he doesn't please you, it is way easier to dump a man when you are NOT living with him.

Do yourself a HUGE ENORMOUS FAVOR. Good luck! JMHO

Or insist on premarital counseling so he can see that he is a guilt dad. But do it before you tie the knot! You have way more leverage now.

I will have to disagree with the others. Things CAN change, but only if you want and desire it. Everyone has to work on it. But I will say that if there isn't a strong foundation, the family won't survive. My FH and SS5/6 are starting family therapy this week. It's something I want for myself as well as the family. I told FH that before I will commit any further to our relationsihp we have to start therapy. BM in my situation is just like yours. She's on SSI, attempted suicide at least 3 times last year, but not pregnant every year - she claims, instead, to have been pregnant 3 times last year! She's a piece of work!

Butterfly,

Fly away! You are living my life 13 years ago. I thought I wrote your comment!

Your future step kids were the same ages--and same issues as my stepchildren when I remarried, same ex-situation, same non-hubby support with kids, and same fiscal issues with ex and how she doesn't support or take time with them. If you fall into the same shoes as mine have walked, no matter how much you take care of them, when the kids are sick, needs rides, cooking dinner, laundry,,,, your just the stepmom--their absent mom is always the greatest!

They won't change--they are set in their ways... all of them!

By your comment submitted, you should already know what the right thing to do for yourself is.

It'll be difficult now (I too love my husband) but the bull shi* doesn't ever end! If I knew now what I knew back then, I wouldn't have remarried and put myself through this or my worst enemy.

Yes.

I think if your fiance is already defending his kids and thinks they will just snap out of it, he is soooo wrong! DH says that all the time about SD7. He always says he hopes she will grow out of these things. Why would they? If you are not willing to work with the kids to change things, they will for sure never change. I don't know if things can get better (they aren't for me), but I don't see it as a good sign that your fiance is already putting you second and not hearing how you feel.

I love my DH very much, but if I knew then what I know now I would have waited until step-demon (sd14) was grown and gone and no longer a factor in our every day lives before I married him.

Exact same situation here, except with just one child and not two. And I can't imagine two skids make it any easier.

Now, all I do is smile and nod when step-demon is around, I answer her questions with questions and keep my conversations with her to a minimum. Why? Because everything I say is repeated back to the crazy BM and has been used against me in court.

UberSkank (the BM) also mass produces children with whomever ducks between her legs. Step-demon is being raised to think this is normal behavior.

Yes go for premartial counseling but understand it will take more than a few months to work through these obstacles. If these problems are here right now they will be worse after the "I do's". I strongly recommend postponing the wedding at best and calling it off at worse. Trust me, no amount of love from you will fix these problems. Until your FH decides to nut up and parent these kids the relationship will be run by his children.

“Be like a duck. Calm on the surface, but always paddling like the dickens underneath.”
Michael Caine

See things work out in funny ways. First, it's not so bad the bull can even be quite tolerable! It may seem cute at times the whole daddies girl or having a favorite child. Then one day it all blows up!!! You are so lucky to realize unlike myself the seriousness of your situation. It is good to address these issues now then face a unhappy marriage because of the stepdemons like so many of are. I love my hubby so very much and never want to lose him but I would be so much happier without the stepdemons or extra stress (ie arguements) they have caused!!!

I lose my mind a little more each day!

Children don't "grow out of" bad behavior. They are either taught it is wrong by using appropriate consequences OR they continue to be who they are. If FH doesn't think he has to DO anything for them to "get it" they will never "get it" because he doesn't "get it".

"God is great, beer is good, and people are crazy" and you can't change crazy!!

"They will eventually get it"??? They're not kittens that have the instinct to piss in a litterbox and cover it up. Kids LEARN BECAUSE THEY ARE TAUGHT. If he's not teaching them, and he's constantly tossing your feelings aside to side with his kids, then I would definitely have to rethink the situation. I think that you should listen to your gut - women's intuition is right more than it's wrong. I'm so sorry you have to go through this, it's no fun. Take care of yourself - YOU are what's most important

"There are two things over which you have complete dominion, authority, and control over - your mind and your mouth".

Aside from the kids, how is the relationship between you and FH? Overwhelmingly good? Solid? If so, I would highly recommend that you talk to him about this. The kids need to respect you AND see you two as a unified front else they'll exploit the situation. What other posters have said is right. There's no "eventually getting it" or "growing out of it". He needs to step up and PARENT his kids properly. It's a shame though that after all this time, it still hasn't been addressed so I can see your concerns about getting married. It ultimately is your life, your decision. Write a list of pros and cons about the situation and see if the pros outweigh the cons or how much of the cons you're willing to accept/overlook. None of us can tell you what to do regarding getting married or not, but sounds like FH is in denial about his kids' behavior.