EBSM and others!
I have really enjoyed being on this site and it has helped me out thru some really tough times. I don't know if I would have made it without some of you. There are alot of really special people on here and I thank you for being so giving of your time and advice.
This is in regards to EBSM, not only her, but she is the most recent one. I don't really care for the way EBSM has acted and I think the way she is treating her SD is terrible and I really worry about that little girl. I also worry about her BD3. To me she sounds selfish and immature. That being said she is still worthy of advice which is practical and helpful. I don't know how bashing her helps those kids at all. If anything I think she may have taken out the anger on SD. I want to believe she is not a bad person, just someone who is in a terrible situation and has not been taught how to cope and how to reach out in a positive way. She has handled the situation very poorly but how has pissing all over her helped. It hasn't. I stopped reading her posts for awhile because it honestly depressed me and I knew there was nothing I could or was willing to do to help. Early on I thought it was a more of a money problem and I reached out to help (see emails below) because that is easy and doesn't take any real effort. I wasn't willing to do more than that and I do feel bad about it but not bad enough to change. I really hope that you all remember why you came on here in the first place. You wanted someone to validate your feelings and know that your weren't crazy. Ask for and hopefully get advice. I agree that EBSM's issues are beyound what this site can offer and this really isn't the appropriate place for her to get help but tearing her down isn't offering anything.
To EBSM, I hope you get the help you need for yourself and your family. Please try to remember that SD is still just a kid and there are reasons that she acts the way does, she has not had the easiest life and is reacting in kind. You need to understand that and have some compassion, if you can't take it anymore and can't be civil to her you should move out. You owe it to your BD, your SD and yourself to change the situation because they can not, they are only kids. YOU NEED TO DO IT. There can be happiness if you work at getting there. Complaining and reacting are not going to change the course your on. Please get help. I know your worth it and so are the kids. You need to step back and realize YOU are the adult. I wish the very best and hope it works out.
Thanks to all of you who have been so selfless and helpful. It is really touching to know there are still people out there who just want to help others in need. It has been great to be a part of this community. I think I am in a much better place that I was a year ago (when I joined) and alot of it is due to the people on here. Thanks again.
Goodluck to all!
email string starting at the bottom:
i got the check today, just wanted to say thank you so much and i will pay it forward. you are an angel.
--erin
hi mary,
how are u? i was wondering if you had sent it out yet so i can be on the look out for it. i dont want my bf to get the mail cause i am planning on putting what you send me in my "escape fund" for when i move out. he wouldnt take it from me but i dont want him to know what my plan is yet.
again thank you. hope you had a good labor day
--Erin
>
> I am getting it out this morning in the regular mail. Hope it helps and please don't let your BF talk to you the way he does. It sounds like he is just bringing you down and that in turn makes you dislke your SD all the more. Try to get out, you need to take care of you and your child. You guys need to come first!
>
> >
> > thank you very much mary, and its nice to meet you. my name is erin /////, and my address is //////////////////////////////////. i really do appreciate it.
> >
> > and yes i will most definatly pay it forward, and if i can, pay you back.
> >
> > however you'd like to send it is fine with me. again thank you, u are a godsend! let me know when u send it out so i can look out for it. and again....thank you!
> >
> > --Erin
> >
> > >
> > > Hi, I was helped out by someone a long time ago and I never forgot it and hopefully one day you can to the same for someone else. I could send a cash but a check would probably be safer. My namme is 8888888 I live in ////////. I wouldn't want or expect you to pay me back, this is a gift and I hope it can help.
> > >
> > > > hi,
> > > >
> > > > did u read my recent blog? i am just trying to figure out why u would wnt to help me, i dont know u. i mean, i appreciate it, i just dont know when i could pay u back. would u be sending a check or cash? im sorry for the questions i just never had a stranger offer to help me.
> > > >
> > > >
> > > > > I know this is going to sound weird and I don't want to embarass you but I would really like to help you out. It isn't much but I would like to help, we have all been there. Please send me your address and I will get it out tomorrow
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Comments
DPW, I am so not better. I
DPW, I am so not better. I have been really lucky in business that's all. I too have jumped on others but I really try not to. Let's face it, EBSM has given everyone alot to jump on but I still think she needs help not ridicule. I reread my post and realize it might sound so preachy. I really didn't mean it to. You have responded and been so giving, I have been amazed over the last few months that with all your going thru you still reach out. You are one of the special people I talk about above.
As "StepAside" said "take the best and leave the rest". I am
Step aside, do you really
Step aside, do you really believe EBSM has the mental capacity to take being called out in a constructive way?
I must have missed all of
I must have missed all of this.....oh and thank goodness. I don't know if my tired mind could take it!
It's really nice of you to help this girl out. I don't know anything about the story, etc, but any time we can help another person it's always a good thing! (((hugs)))
Misguided, you are a kind
Misguided, you are a kind and giving person who has gone very far to help someone in need. I sincerely hope she used that money towards securing her escape from what is obviously a toxic situation.
Someday she'll be in a position to "pay it forward" and help someone else. Once her life is straightened out and her head is on straight, I'm sure she'll remember your kindness and do just that.
I am certain that pity is
I am certain that pity is not all she got on here. I think the only thing you can ask of her is to get help because it is beyound what any of us can do. So in response, no I am not giving her enough to change her situation only some advice to get some much needed help. Not pointing out what a terrible person she is because in the end what does that do except maybe make yourself feel better.
Cruella, I have to
Cruella,
I have to respectfully disagree. This sight is all about telling other people what they think. I just did the same thing but I am suddenly in the minority? It's ok to tell a poster that she's doing hateful terrible things but not ok to point out others nastiness????
BTW, I agree she has no
BTW, I agree she has no right doing what she did to that kid but I think a collective, recurring theme from all of us to "GET HELP" would have gone further.
Misguided, I think people
Misguided, I think people are frustrated because that is exactly what she did receive - a resounding "Get Help!". She is obviously in a desperate situation but didn't seem to want to do anything that was suggested to help herself get out. There ARE resources out there but she didn't access them. She said she was in an abusive relationship but wouldn't go to a shelter or contact a women's centre because she didn't want to remove her daughter from the home and expose her to a shelter.
We all experience compassion fatigue from time to time, especially when we see someone doing dangerous things that make her situation worse (not to mention put children at risk!) instead of working to improve things for herself, despite repeated attempts from the community to advise and support her.
I never said I was a
I never said I was a moderator, I said I didn't agree with some of the posters. I didn't call out names and honestly I didn't pay enough attention to know who posted what, just that there was alot of bashing. I do believe this a place where we are encouraged to say what we think. You may not like it and have the right to respond, which you did. I am not trying to get personal. I can agree that we disagree.
Thank you Cruella, that was
Thank you Cruella, that was sweet of you to say. EBSM never pm'd me for money and I didn't know she did that to others. That probably would have changed me decision but not how I feel. Also I too have been more than blunt with her so I am not trying to whitewash what is said to her, it is just that calling her names isn't really constructive.
SA, I disagre but that's ok.
SA, I disagre but that's ok.
My Two Bits I think is this
My Two Bits
I think is this particular case you have a woman who has very poor life skills and never learned how to properly raise and nuture children. Despite what we all think should be instinctual, its not always the case. ESBM made a "mistake".
We missed a wonderful opportunity to educate someone.
We all smile in the same language
I gave her that money back
I gave her that money back in Sept. To be honest, reading her posts over the last 5 months have disgusted me and at times made me regret my decision. Either way $400 isn't going to change anyones life and I knew that at the time, it was just a reach out. Again, I am not trying to whitwash the situation and if you have read this thread you know that I think her actions have been deplorable but name calling doesn't help. This situation makes me have to reach down really deep to find kindness. I do understand your point Ms. Freeze and I can understand where you were coming from. My point wasn't really so much for EBSM as it was for others who get attacked on here and may not have the emotional stength to take it in the right way. Either way there is not need to attack someone, maybe what they do but not the person.
SA Then why didn't you get
SA
Then why didn't you get ahold of the Admin and alert them to this and have them get the info to the proper authorities? That would have actually helped, not calling her twisted and sick?
I understand Misguided and I
I understand Misguided and I have been frustrated by bashing on here too. I just figured out last night that ESBM and startingover were the same. I was confused on that, because lately there is so much going on here I can no longer read all the posts like I did at one time and I missed the whole knife thing.
I thought of leaving ST because it brought me to despair to see people getting ganged up on when they are trying to get help and not feel alone, when we are all really alone in stepping, no social or emotional support to speak of really.
And to think that someone who really needed help may say something not in exactly the right politically correct way and get yelled over by someone louder, instead of heard, with disastrous results like the suicide.
And that people who do start out trying to help, trying to make a point, when the point is not taken, say it harder and harder, hoping that THEY can be heard.
I also think of this as somewhat a challenge of our writing skills and maybe people get carried away with wanting to say something just right or in a clever way and that may push it into too much.
But I think reminders are needed, that we are all human and deserve respect (even if we do something completely off), so I decided to just try to continue to put my two cents in to hopefully help people remember that.
I think you are good at that Misguided and it is a good quality that we need! so don't give up yet.
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“Learn by practice.” - Martha Graham
You need to go read the
You need to go read the "it's done" post under general discussion. She has just admitted that she made the whole thing up.
And I still don't believe
And I still don't believe her, isn't that terrible?
______________________________________
Love me or hate me, I'm still gonna shine!!!
Responding to someone who
Responding to someone who obviously needs help and attention with compassion doesn't necessarily indicate gullibility. Just had to throw that out there.
She's deleted everything
She's deleted everything from the past couple of days...
Personally, I'm starting to think her entire "story" is bs, which is so unfortunate. I sure hope that she hasn't ruined it for others who come here who truly do want help and advice, and because of her, will be greeted by some with a hard learned dose of skepticism.
Regardless of everything, I
Regardless of everything, I think that what you did was a very kind thing to do. And for that you should be commended.
"I have always loved the time before dawn because there is no one around to remind me who I am suppose to be, so it is easier to remember who I am." - unknown
Steve, I don't pity anyone
Steve, I don't pity anyone with borderline personality disorder. I was diagnosed with BPD and bipolar II disorder around 13 or so years ago. I busted my ass to get the help I needed, get the medication I needed, and I have been considered 'recovered' for somewhere around 8+ years now.
Yes, BPD is terrible, but you CAN overcome it IF, and only IF, you are willing to do everything in your power to overcome it. I can tell you one thing for sure, an anonymous website like this only FEEDS the sickness. It will do NOTHING to help someone with BPD, especially if they are only seeking a handholding and 'atta-girls'..... calling out bullshit on BPD's lies is the only thing that works.