I need some advice!
I have a 9 year old SD who came to live with us in Aug. 09 due to her BM schedule and I cant take it! The problem isnt her, its me and I dont know what to do. My SD is such an excellent kid and I know she loves me so much but I cant stand her sometimes, well pretty much all the time and its totally unprovoked! I have days where I love her and want to be around her and then other days where I cant even look at her. I have been dealing with these feelings since the first day I met her 6 years ago. The only thing is I didnt really realize how I felt until she came to live with us when she was 5 due to her BM deployment to Iraq. I struggle everyday with this and its hard to speak with my husband about how I feel because having her living with us now is his dream come true. I am literally pissed off all the time except when she is in school. I try to hide how Im feeling but sometimes I ruin everyone's day with my bad attitude and I cant say what the real reason is. I am counting down the days until she leaves. Is what Im feeling totally crazy and horrible? Is anyone else out there feeling what I do?! I need some major help, please!
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Any idea why you feel this
Any idea why you feel this way? You aren't terrible or crazy. I don't like my little Creature either (she's 6). I know my problem relates to all the PAS her mother laid on her and how she told everyone a bunch of lies about dh and I. Even though she was too young to get it, it left me scarred and unable to trust her now. I am civil to her and I respect her time with my dh, but I do not like her and get irritated at the sound of her breathing. I feel so mean, but my only perspective of her is her lying to get presents. She isn't a terrible kid, but she never shuts up (I imagine this is normal for a 5-6 year old), she is defiant, bossy, demanding and reminds me so much of her mother it makes me cringe inside.
I realize my feelings aren't right, but I've defined them. You need to figure out why you don't like her. What did she do? Be honest with yourself.
"God is great, beer is good, and people are crazy" and you can't change crazy!!
Thank you so much for your
Thank you so much for your comment! Her BM is remarried and lives in another state and we all get along wonderfully, even from the beginning. Sometimes I just think Im selfish and I just want it to be me and my dh, alone and starting our own family. Could I be jealous of her? I never feel left out cause she always wants to be with me and her dad. This kid loves me so much but I cant get past how I feel! When I do define my feelings, then what?
I'll let you know when I
I'll let you know when I figure it out. I'll tell you this though and it helped me. I discussed it with my therapist and his response was this "you do not have to love her. You are not her mother and the only thing you owe her is respect. You respect her and you respect the time she shares with your dh."
You may not be jealous but you may be resentful because she is there. You don't get to be alone with dh. Plus right now you are saddled with being a mother, yet you are not. You want to be a mother for real. I know that feeling. I am very resentful that I have to share dh with what I consider to be someone else's family and have not (yet) had the opportunity to share a family with him myself. I am beyond bitter about it because of my specific circumstances and it colors my view of Creature.
"God is great, beer is good, and people are crazy" and you can't change crazy!!
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SBS - In my case it isn't so
SBS - In my case it isn't so much that Creature looks like her mother (she really doesn't). She behaves like her. She is bossy and demanding and condescending. She just has this "way" about her that exudes "how dare you tell me what to do" and "I don't roll that way" lol
"God is great, beer is good, and people are crazy" and you can't change crazy!!
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My SD looks JUST LIKE her
My SD looks JUST LIKE her mom and I couldn't care less. I CANNOT STAND her mom, but the looks thing was never a big deal to me.
~*~When you kiss ass, your breath smells like sh*t~*~
I feel the same way about
I feel the same way about SS3. I love him, but sometimes he drives me NUTS for no reason. DBF thinks he is the cutest most wonderful thing in the world, which I get, but he annoys the CRAP out of me pretty much every other day. We are starting a case for full custody, but both of us being in the military its pretty difficult. I'm getting out soon so hopefully that'd be better. The funny thing is, we are both active duty, have to deploy, etc however our life is WAY more "stable" than BMs!!