Dh doesnt call Bm, they do text, but it is usually BM initiated.. However, I am NEVER allowed to go for pick ups or drop offs with him, for some reason he keeps me and her completely seperate.. I swear that bitch has something over his head and he is afraid she will tell me something he doesnt want me to know... I too am VERY jealous, but I feel I have a right to be, he excludes me when it comes to bm, he even drove them to a dr appt 2 hours away this past monday and never ask if i wanted to go, he drove BM and SD... It was just a checkup yet they both went, and he drove... I think I am justified in being suspicious and jealous...

Raising kids is part joy and part guerilla warfare... Ed Asner

Well I can't even be in the same room when Dh is talking to Frizz bc I hate the crooning,nice boy voice he uses with her. One time I was like,"who is that? you're mom?" (totally serious) and he was like "huh? no it's Frizz"

*gag* So don't feel bad G. It's a natural reaction that goes along with the territory of feeling like you're sharing your man. I got livid when one day we were in the car getting ready to leave, me,choochoo,sd and dh. Then dh says he forgot his cell in the house so he ran back in to get it...And he was in there for a while...at least 5mins. he comes out talking on his phone to non other than Frizz. He gets in the car still on the phone then hands the phone to SD and says, "tell your mom happy birthday."

You talk about PISSED!!! I was like, "umm...why the fuck can't SD use her own cell phone to call her mother? why did you have to call her and then stay in the house for 5minutes chit chatting to her? Did YOU tell her happy birthday too? Is that why you initiated the contact by calling her???"

OH MAN I WAS HOT!!

"Venting without the desire to look within and improve your situation is simply venting to hear yourself bitch."

..."I'm not mean, you're just a sissy."

Just curious, and maybe I missed it, but WHY does he call/text her everyday???? Is it necessary?

Maybe it's just me but I don't think it's appropriate for him to be contacting her every day. Do you know if it's always about the kids or are they just chatting? That would be a HUGE no no in my relationship, not that it would ever happen. He should cut the cord.

"There are two things over which you have complete dominion, authority, and control over - your mind and your mouth".

Giana, I'd be PISSED. Not sad, not upset, downright ANGRY. This is inappropriate and unneccessary. There's no need for him to call her AT ALL unless there's a pressing issue regarding the skids.

I'd take this up with him and TELL him under no uncertain terms that I won't stand for it. He needs to learn what boundaries are, and you can teach him by establishing yours.

I understand a little bit. FH talks to BM on the phone often, but he does it when I am there most of the time. I hear his side and its just him checking on SD1. His daughter is CONSTANTLY on his mind. He worries that BM is giving her the love she needs, BM is pretty strict where FH is very easy going. Maybe yours is just concerned for one reason or another about the child. Talk to him about it. After I talked to FH about it he was more open about what she was saying, hell she even sends me text messages for him.

Life isn't about the days you have, its about what you do with the days you have.

I agree with Selkie. DH talks to his ex but only relating to the kids and he is off really quick. They don't text at all. I pay for DH's phone and would know. I would cancel his texting if I thought it was being used for that.

Maybe if you approached it without telling him that he doesn't need to talk to her every day, but that you prefer it done in your presence. This worked with DH a whil back because he forgets to tell me when things change... so I told him "can you please talk to her in front of me so when you make changes I KNOW what is going on... you tend to forget and then it causes scheduling problems". Of course she was the one that initiated the calls... that HE calls her is just strange to me. But approaching it without being accusitory may be key in keeping it from escalation in to an all out war!

DISbelief~

~You have to BE crazy to UNDERSTAND crazy!~

I agree with Selkie, too. I'd be pissed. Shit..I AM PISSED because I'm in a similar situation and I can definitely relate to your experience. DH is good to me too. Very good. But he's got conversation going on with BM that shouldn't be. There is some sort of dynamic between exes with kids (and I say this as my ex and I don't have children together so I'd know the difference)that no matter how much they REALLY dislike each other and love their partners, there's always that connection. Their conversations may probably be mostly about the kids, but when some key word pops in to set them off on a tangent about something else, that's when those "useless" conversations occur. I used to think I had the best man. Most supportive, boundary-enforcing, emotionally mature partner. Then I realized he still had conversations with BM discussing their past memories and experiences together. Why? God knows. But it's there. That woman will always have his balls tighter than you can ever grasp them. Not to say there isn't hope Check out MiddleMom's progress! There ARE men out there who will see the light.

I'm sorry if I sound bitter but I just struggle with this so much, Giana. I hope that you can talk it out with him and if not, I hope that venting here will bring some solace.

I am one of those BMs that talks to their EX about things other than perfectson. We actually talk and text often, probably several times a week. I don't think a thing about it, other than we're still friends. We don't want each other, but we just still like each other, if that makes any sense at all. Sometimes I have gossip about an old friend of ours or he has gossip or whatever and we call or text to chit chat about it. His birthday was last week and I text'd him a happy birthday old fart message.... DH has no problem with it because he knows without a doubt there is nothing there other than we have history and get along and still like each other as friends and plus he's perfectson's dad and frankly it's easier when it's like this.

I know it's weird, and it's very rare, but sometimes there is nothing there other than mutual friendship still.

Giana222,
I don't feel there is a reason for them to talk everyday. my BS's father and i had a great relationship. We got along great, we talked about other things then our son and we even talked about our relationships with another person. but we didn't talk every day.
my fiance doesn't talk to his ex at all, which is okay with me!!! long story short, at one point, we broke up b/c he thought he wanted to work things out with her. (he was not telling me he talked to her and she would call him at all hours day or night.) she didn't want him back til she found out about me.
I understand the uncomfortableness in him talking to her. I personnally always felt that when they talk, she has something up her sleeve.
If he is worried about her, which my son's father and i had that type of relationship, i can understand him talking to her. he could feel bad for her. I do like the suggestion that he call her in front of you. I had my fiance do that for a while, when they did talk.
i guess what i am saying is, if his attitude and behavior towards you has not changed, then it sounds okay.
good luck

I'm with middlemom... if you take the kids out of the equation, would it be acceptable for him to be talking to the ex? Even with the kids, it shouldn't be necessary to talk to ex everyday. You may want to talk to the skids everyday, but no reason to talk to the ex. That's called 'not moving on!'. BM needs to take care of herself. She is no longer DHs responsibility to ensure her well-being unless the skids are in danger... then take her to court.

Otherwise, I'm with Selkie... I'd be PISSED! You just have to find a why to approach the situation that doesn't cause DH to go into defense mode but yet let him know that it's unacceptable. Sorry, I have no advice there... my approaches suck!

BF used to not take me with him when he picked up/dropped off skids-he said because he didn't want to subject me to her. I said that that should change mostly because of how long it would take him to come and go. He finally decided after a few times of going alone after I came along to let me start going too. I know he was never afraid of me "popping off" to her mostly because I would not do it out of respect for him having to deal with her fallout. The only time I ever said anything to her was inappropriate behavior between her son and my BD5 and I was not loud or mean and angry as I was well entitled too. Just matter of fact with no repsonse from her at all-go figure. When he changed shifts and wasnt able to pick them up or drop them off I was drafted to do so and I pointed out to him how their 5p time was so late on Sundays-too late to do more than eat, finish homework, take baths and go to bed when they came in and was in my down time with me going in at 4:30a every morning. I managed to change their time to noon if I was performing that task and they still stick with it. I witnessed a phone conversation with her last night over the oldest's education-where at times before he would go back to the bedroom and shut the door he didn't seem overly concerned by me being in the same room-of course said convo was in MY home not his. It's all good-the last 4yrs was an induction into potential stepparentdom and with separate homes at the moment we are sorting out our beliefs and ways hoping for an eventual reunion which I realize may not be before my teens graduate. Then it will only be his SS7, SD8 and my BD5-then the real battles begin. Cheers until then folks-maybe I'll wake up before then-but he is so good to me in so many ways men in my life haven't been. The biggest not being ridiculed for my size or my ways (except for picking him apart) and I have been rigid with his children he's learning that they really do need that structure and even though we live in the country they still have to learn to behave responsibly and not just heathen run amuck

**I only have one shot at a truly great life and not one spent waiting for a man to notice me, want me, love me and be true to only me. 2010 is the year of "me" **