Hello! I have been in SS3(almost 4)'s life since he was 6 mo. old. Married DH this past summer. For about a year or so BM has gone to me as primary means of communication regarding overnights/scheduling with SS. DH and I prefer it this way as I am the planner while he is much more laid back/spontaneous (he tends to forget to respond to her texts/calls until last minute). BM has always kept the more "business" issues between her and DH (CS, money, insurance, etc).

That is, until about two weeks ago. She contacted me letting me know she is putting SS in daycare and will get us paperwork regarding our half of the copay for it soon. Not knowing what the custody agreement said at this point, I said ok. After reading through the custody agreement and the fine print "laws" that went with it, the only clause regarding daycare was that the court can raise CS for it if they deem it necessary because NCP is working outside of the home and it is needed for one reason or another. In short, they do not share responsibility for daycare- it is something that CS is supposed to be used for. Wondering where she was getting this idea from, I asked BM to get us a copy of the paperwork that states that half of daycare is DH's responsibility. She said sure. She then said she couldn't find the paperwork. Then that she did and I was right- it doesn't say he is responsible for it.

Then OF COURSE I get about 15 text messages adding up to one long rant about my DH not wanting to fork out a measly $xxx dollars a month to keep her son in a safe place while she is working. I was told that if we can't handle it then we need to figure out a better solution.

(A bit of background: I have never had an argument, conflict or issue with BM before. She has always been a bit *overly* nice to me, and we have always kept our relationship civil. She has never pitted SS against me, he refers to both me and her as his "mommies", even in front of her. She has always been respectful of me as a parent, partner to her ex and as a significant part of her child's life.)

SOOOOO here is my dilemma - how do I respond to this onslaught of messages in a respectful manner? DH and I have discussed this, he wants to make sure she doesn't go to me for any discussion on financial matters anymore. I want to keep her and I handling the scheduling. So how do I let her know this while doing as little damage as possible to the very civil relationship BM and I have thus far? She tends to overreact and dramatize things with my DH, and I am worried that now that we are officially married, she will begin to treat me the same way. I don't want it to escalate and end up with her behaving like a lot of the crazy BM's I read/hear about.... any simple advice would be great. I have worded and reworded how to respond quite a few times, but can't settle on anything.

PS she is a texter. Won't pick up calls unless we physically have SS at the time. Our generation is weird like that.