Sometimes we have to allow natural consequences to kick in. You won't be failing him, he'll be failing himself.

"God is great, beer is good, and people are crazy" and you can't change crazy!!

I kind of know exactly how you feel. I am not a teacher, but I have went through the course for teachers aide and the course to be a Head Start teacher. My BS11 who is also in 6th grade, like your SS, is struggling to pass 6th grade. I have worked with him, have had several meetings with his teachers & principals, put him in IEP, and had him tested by professionals to see if there was an underlying problem. Turns out that my BS is very intelligent and actually smarter than most kids his age. However, there is one thing that my father did with my son that is causing him to struggle in school. And that is, my father has been teaching my son how to run heavy equipment since my son was able to walk. So because of that, my son is more into hands on & mechanically inclined than book learning. So that is part of my BS11s problem in school...the other parts are SD15 moved in with us and our lives have been totally turned upside down with her moving in & he just doesn't want to do the work. So, I have come to the conclusion after speaking with his IEP teacher & principal yet again, that I am leaving it up to BS to decide whether he fails or passes 6th grade. I have done everything I can, DH has done everything he can, BSs teachers have done everything they can, & his principal has talked with BS and told BS that it is now up to him. And if BS doesn't do the work, he will fail and have to attend summer school. My BS has started to improve because of the fear of having to attend summer school. My BS knows that I am here to help him, but it is up to him to take the initiative to do the work. I am not the one failing making him fail...he is failing himself.

I guess I'm on both sides here. On 1 BM needs to step up and do whats right for her child. but on the other this boy is 11 and seems like he needs someone to care enough to step up... nomatter who that person might be..... all that is nessesary for the triumph of evil is that good men ( or women) to do nothing" - Edmund Burke

Excuses are tools of the foolish. They build monuments to nothingness and those who are masters of them are seldom good at anything else.

Here's a thought...is there a different type of learning environment that he might thrive in than the traditional schooling environment?

Both my daughters had ADD...younger one had ADHD, and ODD..oh, it was a roller coaster ride at times.

I ended up taking them out of public school and started homeschooling them. Eventually they were unschooling. Both have their GED's (they chose to do that, even though it's not mandatory for HS'd students) and both are attending their local community colleges.

Perhaps SS has some learning disability...ADD...BORED...etc. Have those ideas been ruled out?

I do agree with the others and let him suffer the consequences of his actions. Also let him know there will be consequences for getting bad grades--he'll lose out on video-game playing, going here and there, etc. Advise him he's at the age where he can sink or swim (aka repeat 6th grade or move onto 7th grade with his peers.) and you're choosing not to enable him anymore, as much as it pains you to do that.

Put the control of his fate in HIS hands. BTW--was his daddy like this in school as well? If he was, then he can certainly understand where SS is coming from.

So many times I had the "SM2C has the ability, but lacks the ability to concentrate...she'd rather stare out of the window." My mom tells of a story where when I was in 2nd grade I wanted to quit school and go get a job. I HATED school.

I found out much later in life that I have ADD. I do have the ability to focus...on the things *I* want to focus on, not what's required. Unfortunately, life doesn't work out that way. In fact, with ADD'ers, they can 'hyperfocus' on things that REALLLLY interest them, forgetting so many things such as hearing someone talking to them, agreeing to do something...letting the time slip away. Been there, done that, bought the T-shirt & sold it on Ebay!

Just some random thoughts about what ADD does! Before I was formally diagnosed, they tested my IQ...it stated that the test appeared to be lower than it should be for someone who has a bachelors degree.

I wish I had the opportunity to get tested after I started getting treated for ADD...I imagine it would be a total turn-around, because now I'm able to concentrate on the mundane.

~*~It's all fun and games until somebody loses an eye; then it's a game: Find the eye.~*~