Does BM guilt SK's out of doing things at DH's house?
For the last four years, DH has had the kids EOW and for three hours on Tuesday. Because of the limited time he has with them, we try to find fun activities we can afford to do. Both of us feel these kids need extracurricular activities to #1 take their mind off of BM's perpetually horrible attitude towards DH and myself, and #2 to allow them to grow by networking with other kids. So, of course, the kids would go back to their mom and tell her about all the fun they were having over here. They were met with anger, hostility and guilt. She would tell them "oh that's stupid" or "you dont' want to do that", you get the idea. Eventually they stopped telling her everything that happens at our house because of her reactions. God forbid she be happy that her kids are happy.
Anyway, last summer, we got the kids into a Girl Scout program and LOVED it. Both girls talked about joining a troop after that, so I began investigating what was around our neighborhood. Since all troops were full, GS suggested I start my own troop; which I did. Not only were the girls happy to be in a troop, they literally jumped up and down b/c I was going to be their troop leader. They told DH that "we're not going to tell mom because she hates Snarky and would be upset."
For two months the girls had a fabulous time meeting new people, earning patches, and having fun. This past week, SD 8 tells me that "I don't want to be in GS anymore." This came as a total shock b/c she seemed like she was having such a good time. We told her it was her decision, but she had to explain why she didn't want to do it anymore.
WELL, come to find out that BM got wind of the girls being in GS and told them they weren't allowed to be in the troop because it is "stupid" and "no fun" and "boring". SD 8 was in tears and admitted she did not want to quit!!! DH explained to the girls, yet again, that BM DOES NOT HAVE ANY SAY on what happens at our house.
Why would a BM want her kids to be miserable at all? I understand that she may fear that her kids will leave to go live with DH and, GASP, the evil stepmother. But why guilt the kids? Do any BM's who do this realize that they are harming the fragile mentality of the kids, and in fact pushing them away by behaving so poorly?
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Oh, Snarky...my dear dear
Oh, Snarky...my dear dear woman...I have been asking myself this question for years. BM does this all the time, then somehow continues to think that SS hates us and doesn't want to come visit us. He is not stupid...he knows exactly what she is doing and it is so sad watching their relationship fall apart. But she won't listen to anyone. She knows what is best for her son. She knows exactly how he feels and what he wants and doesn't want.
I'm just waiting for the day that he finally gives up and moves out to see who she blames that on. I am kind of scared of that day though, because I honestly fear that she will commit suicide if SS decides to go public with the decision to not live with her anymore.
*~So sayeth Nymh~*
TheFrizz will make SD
TheFrizz will make SD desperate to come home by baiting her with all the "fun things mommy is doing right now" (usually something she already promised she would wait to do with SD)
She'll text message pictures to SD of the fun stuff she's doing without her...sad.
Because of this, SD is always holding back with us. She doesn't tell her mom a whole lot and tends to text "poor me" type of things to mom just to make her mother feel better. I used to get pissed and livid when she'd text her mother bad stuff but I realized she DOES love us and she DOES love seeing us and it's her mother's manipulation making her want to tell bad things just to avoid hurting her mother's feelings.
I don't know why women do this. Personally, as insecure as I've been in my life, I have never had the urge to do that to my son. No matter how much it hurt that he was loving his dad's house and his dad's (now ex)wife so much more than he loved me at the time. Yeah it hurt like a MOFO but ya deal with it so your kid doesn't grow up all jacked up and crazy.
"Venting without the desire to look within and improve your situation is simply venting to hear yourself bitch."
Wingnut used to call SD (3
Wingnut used to call SD (3 at the time) and CRY on the phone "mommy misses her baby so much. i am reading the thomas the train books all by myself". Everyday it was the same crap. Crying about how mommy isn't okay when sd is with daddy. Some people are just assholes. There is no way to explain it.
"God is great, beer is good, and people are crazy" and you can't change crazy!!
Bm's behavior just boggles
Bm's behavior just boggles my mind. These kids deserve a happy childhood, full of good memories, not guilt ridden blabbering that will ultimately push them AWAY from her. Over the years we've seen the girls hold back on telling mom what they do here, it's so sad. Kids need a loving mother to share their hopes and dreams with, and I honestly wish she would stop all this nonsense and try to have a positive relationship with her kids.
Because of the constant screaming, swearing and guilting, the kids have expressed their desire to spend more time with dad, and BM has told them that we are brain washing the kids and manipulating them to hate their mother.....BM is doing a good job by herself in that regard.
What BM doesn't know, and will never understand, is that my middle SD has learned that she can come to me and 'vent' about how her mother's behavior makes her feel and she knows I will not hold anything against or say bad things about her mom. All the while, as SD 10 is telling me the awful things her mother says and does I'm thinking BM is not just an asshole, she is a flatulating hemorrhoid filled pulsating one!
Time is a great teacher, but unfortunately it kills all its pupils ... - Louis Hector Berlioz