Need to vent before I blow up on my family
It started yesterday when I received an e-mail from BM asking what DH planned on doing about taxes & SD15 this year and also basically demanding that we take SD15 for a passport so that BM & her parents can take SD15 to the Bahama's. BM also said that she will send us the money for the passport. But DH has custody of SD15 now, not BM. So BM can not just take SD15 out of the country without talking to DH about it and DH giving BM a letter giving BM permission to. Well, I e-mailed BM back with DH's answer. It went a little while and she e-mailed me back with "tell him to call me tonight at 7:15 so he & I can discuss this". So DH called BM last night, but was an hour late because SD15 was having some problems and we were talking with SD. I was kind of proud of DH last night...he for once stood his ground with BM to an extent. But BM knows how to push his buttons and get him really pissed off. BM feels that she can do as she pleases with SD15, but DH has to ask BM first when we want to take SD12 on any vacations at all. Even if it does not involve leaving the country. DH told BM that he doesn't have a problem with her taking SD15 to the Bahama's....his problem was that BM just assumed that she could without discussing it with him first. Because BM no longer has custody of SD15. And BM's exact words to DH were "I can take my girls anywhere I want to, but you have to have my permission to take SD12 anywhere you want to go." I was thinking to myself...."Ummm Hello Bitch, we have custody of SD15 and if we say you can't take her somewhere, you can't take her or we'll get you for contempt of court." And the situation about the taxes, BM has gotten to claim SD15 & SD12 for the last 12 years....and refused to let DH claim SD15 this year and keep the entire refund. BM threatened to have her taxes done today if DH & BM could not reach an agreement about the refund. So DH told BM that he was claiming SD15 and he would send BM $500 of the $1000 that we would get for SD15. Because technically BM is entitled to part of it because we only had SD15 for half the year last year. SD15 moved in with us in July. So I am fine with that agreement. What pissed me off the most about the phone conversation last night was BM was trying to manipulate DH like she always does and towards the end DH was starting to let her. Well, I was pissed before he even called BM because of 2 comments BM has made in the past few weeks. So while he was on the phone with her, I was kind of running my mouth a little. I wasn't saying anything bad about BM....I was just stating that if we allow BM to take SD15 out of the country, I want that same courtesy in the future with SD12. Because we live very close to Mexico and would love to take our kids there one summer for vacation. And about 3 years ago, we took the kids to Florida with my parents and my parents wanted to take us to the Bahama's and BM would not allow us to take them out of the country. Even though we were going to pay for the passports. This bitch is so crazy, she makes an insane person look sane. Well at the end of their conversation BM told DH that if he wants her to discuss her plans with him, then he has to give her the courtesy of me not running my mouth. Ummm excuse me bitch, but this is my house and if I want to run my mouth I will. DH agreed to it...I was totally hurt. Oh and the 2 comments BM made in the past few weeks....one was to SD15 when SD15 asked BM if her & her dad would ever get back together since BM is divorcing stepdad. Instead of BM saying NO...her reply was Well SM is in the picture now. BM's second comment was just a few nights ago when BM was having a problem with SD15's facebook profile and was discussing it with DH. After they were done discussing SD15's profile, BM asked DH to look at her's and make sure none of her personal info was being displayed and then proceeded to say "I would have added you as a friend, but I didn't want stepdad to see it and think that we were sleeping together again." DH laughed and said whatever. I didn't flip at first when DH told me. But after thinking about it for a few days....I flipped last night and said that he needs to put BM in her place about that. Because she was way out of line and totally disrespectful to me. I have come to conclusion that BM is trying to cause problems between DH & I and get him back. DH says there is no way he would ever go back to her even if I left him, but he also didn't put her in her place about it. So I warned DH last night that if BM makes one more comment like that, I am going to put her in her place. Because I am not going to allow her to cross that line again. So DH is warned...and I will not keep quiet anymore and allow her to manipulate our lives anymore.
Wow, I feel much better now. 
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Comments
Dont let it bother you about
Dont let it bother you about the vacation thing. Here would be my issue. If BM is having issues with SD page then she needs to address it with her. As far as you hubby checking her page to make sure its private i dont think so.
I'm pretty much over the
I'm pretty much over the vacation thing now. It did piss me off at first. Only because I want to take the kids to Mexico, hopefully next year and the bitch better let us or BM will have to explain to SD12 why she can't go with us. And BM did say something to SD15 about her facebook. (Which actually when DH got custody of SD15, that removed BMs right to say what SD15 does in our home. Yes BM is still her mother, but BM is not SDs primary custodial parent anymore. And according to the court, BM has no say in these type of things.)And SD15 started flipping out because basically BM got on her case about it and SD15 replied to BM that Dad & mom checked my profile and said it was fine. That's when BM insisted on talking to DH about it. Well after they discussed SD's profile, that's when BM mentioned about DH checking hers(BMs). And he did. And then that's when BM made the comment "I didn't add you as a friend cuz I don't my soon to be ex think we are sleeping together again." But DH did make sure to tell BM that as far as SDs online profiles go....he & I make the decisions on them not BM and he & I make sure that SD is not doing or showing anything she shouldn't be.
Well, men are spinless and
Well, men are spinless and avoid confrontation that's probably why he didnt put her in her place, but yeah, she's trying to get at you. she sounds nuts and sound slike she is just jabbing whereever she can get it in when it comes to you. I am sure she is jealous. So, Just be secure loving you and let her dig her own grave. Jealousy has a way of digging your grave for you, remember that on both sides hers and yours and remember you are with him and find your confidence and calm in the situation. I wouldn't discuss any more than I have to with her adn I would include DH in that. The more info she has the more info she'll use. This Dh telling her you'll not "run your mouth" anymore... wha?
Yeah I have told my DH that
Yeah I have told my DH that he needs to grow a pair when it comes to dealing with BM. Because now the tables are turned....he has custody of one of his daughters and BM can no longer have everything her way. But he also doesn't want to continue fighting with her. But I feel that until DH puts BM in her place, BM will continue to manipulate DH & they way we live. Oh and believe me I stopped trying to be BMs friend along time ago. I learned along time ago that if I'm nice or not, she will use it against me. But I also have kept quiet about it every time she has made her comments and I warned DH that I no longer will be. I am tired of being manipulated. And he said that he agrees, I should speak my mind to her and maybe she will quit. And the thing about DH agreeing with her about me not running my mouth in the background when they are talking on the phone....I believe he did it to avoid another argument. Because he is constantly telling me that now since he has custody of one of his girls and is here in our home full time and I help raise her, I have a say. But BM doesn't feel the same way. So to avoid arguing with BM about it, he agreed with her. But he refuses to give BM and decisions on anything without discussing it with me first. Because whether BM realizes it or not...their decisions affect me & my son too.
Honestly there is no way I
Honestly there is no way I would allow her to take SD out of the country, for many reasons. Deep down you know that she will not allow you to take the kids out of state, let alone out of the country whether or not you allow her.
You don't need her permission to take SD out of the country-- I would take her to the Bahamas. And when SD12 asks why she can't come--well I guess BM is the bad guy.
Well the out of state thing,
Well the out of state thing, BM really has no choice in that. Because we live 1100 miles apart. But the country thing....you are probably right. When it comes time for us to take the kids to Mexico, more than likely BM will say no for SD12. I'm hoping not, but that's probably what will happen.
I think a problem BM has is that she feels as though there is some type of competition going on between BM & DH on....what they can buy the girls, where they can take them on vacation, and etc. I only think that because of a comment BM made to SD15 over Christmas break while SD15 was with BM for visitation. DH & I got each of our kids their on pc's. Well BMs comment to SD15 was "I wanted to be the one who bought you 2 your first pcs, but at least your dad is actually being a dad now and buying you 2 that." When SD15 told me that, I wanted to flip. I told SD15 calmly that what we buy SD12 & SD15 & BS11 has nothing to do with what type of father your dad is or what type of parents your dad & I are. Which I think SD15 understood, but I'm not sure.
Oh she shouldn't have said
Oh she shouldn't have said that. A pc? that is not exactly a milestone either. lol
There is certainly some competition between them. It is so silly, we are not in competition with BM nor is she with us. We do what we feel is right and right for our family. Sometimes SD ends up better off here and sometimes she gets more there.....I really don't care what she gets. I get the impression you feel the same way.
I think SD15 is old enough to understand that is was wrong of her BM to say that, that is why she mentioned it to you. To get validation of her feelings that BM was wrong for saying that.
We don't have these fights though. Neither of us can afford vacation--other than 2 hrs away! lol
Well, I think the
Well, I think the competition is mainly on BM only. Because DH & I don't care what BM gets the girls. We have never tried to "out do her" as BM says. We try to get the kids what they ask for and so what if it ends up being a better gift than what BM got them. BM should be happy that her children are getting things they asked for and not turn it into a competition or tell the girls that by their father buying them something shows he is being a father. And that is what I explained to SD15, that us buying them things doesn't show that we are good parents. And I know SD15 is old enough to understand that it was wrong of BM to suggest that. SD15 has come to realize that for the last 15 years BM was filling SD15 & SD12 heads with lies about DH & I. SD15 has come to me several times about different things BM has said to them and I have had to explain that what they were told was untrue, without breaking the court order. Because when we got custody of SD15, BM insisted that the court order state that neither bio-parent or step-parent can say anything to the girls to discourage them from visiting the other parent or say anything negative about the other parent to the girls. So I have to be careful of what I say. But I also am not going to lie to them when they ask me a question.
If she says no to mexico,
If she says no to mexico, then you turn aroudn and tell SD12, your mommy wont let me, sorry. Drop her off at moms and you guys go.
Sorry that is reality. BM will get the brunt hate from sd12 for a looong time.
I go ahead with plans andi dont count of my skids beign there. If they are there, great, if not, too bad.
And if bm doesn't pay for passport, just take out the portion she owes fromthe tax rebate.
I am the same way.
I am the same way. Especially when we lived in the same state as Skids and didn't have custody of either of them. I have a son and he deserves to go places whether Skids can go or not. At first DH didn't agree with me. But after a few times of BM telling us no they can't go...DH finally started agreeing with me that whether the Skids can go or not, we should still have a life and take BS11. And BM hates being the bad guy and if the time comes that DH & I take BS11 & SD15 some where and BM doesn't allow SD12 to go...that's on her, not us.
Oh and I plan on taking the cost of the passport out of what DH agreed to send BM out of the tax return if BM doesn't send the money for it.