Panic!

They are coming home in 2 days and I am already starting to panic!!! I don't want them here!! they just make life miserable for everyone... what do I do!!??????

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Ummm...nothing you can do

Ummm...nothing you can do about it now. As far as I see you only have a couple options.

1. Insist DH live in a hotel or somewhere else with his kids...

2. You go somewhere else while his kids are home...

3. Leave your DH if you can't take being around the kids.

4. Carve out some time for yourself and deal with the kids being there. Let DH handle them while they are around.

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For me, my choice would be #4. None of the other 3 would be in my radar. I would hope none of them would be on most people's radar. You are going to have to make sure that DH handles the kids when they act up, unless he is not home in which case you enforce his rules. Also make sure you carve out enough alone time for you. What you like to do. Work out, relaxing bath, etc etc. Whatever helps you relax.

Jen

They have both hit me last

They have both hit me last time I tried to enforce the rules! I am just at a loss of what to do. I don't want them here, their father deals with them fine but when he is not around they make my life hell! they are trying to get rid of me so they can have dad all to themselves again, they did it with his last 2 girlfriends, and we have been together over 4 years and we have a son together, I am not going anywhere, but they are going to have to go to their BM's andd live there but how do I get them to go! I am just feeling helpless and panicked at the thought that I have at least 6 more years of these demons living with me!!

What did your SO do when

What did your SO do when they hit you?

My suggestion is that when SO cannot be home, he arranges alternate childcare/alternate arrangements. I would never be alone with the children.

I was left home alone at 10 years old. At 11 or 12 I was babysitting my younger sister. I am guessing (from 6 year comment) that at least 1 child is 12. I see no reason why a 12 year old can't be left alone for short periods of time (after school to when dad comes home, etc). If children can't be left alone, dad gets babysitter or other arrangement.

Because you can't make BM take kids back and you can't really ask DH to choose kids or you. You won't win. No one would. Crappy choice to give a parent. So, you need to do what you need to do to keep you sane. And if that means insisting you are not free child care, then do it. If it means you are only around kids when SO is, do it. Whatever you need to do for you and DS.

Jen

Don't enforce the rules.

Don't enforce the rules. Disengage. Dh comes home and the house is a pigsty from them or you report they have used inappropriate language (get a voice recorder for your pocket if needed) or they fail their classes because they didn't do homework then he deals with it. One of them have followed the rules when he is gone and one hasn't he does something special for the one and the other goes without. They will soon learn that doing what their Dad wants even when he is not there gets the attention not the negative attention they are use to. I would again recommend picking up a copy of Transforming the Difficult Child, there are some good concepts in there.

Very good advice

Very good advice christsluv2u - I agree with everything you've said!
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“Some cause happiness wherever they go; others whenever they go.”

Vgill, if your stepkids

Vgill, if your stepkids physically hit and your dh didn't severely punish them for that then its time for you to get serious in defending yourself.
Go with #4 like the other poster suggested BUT when the scenario arises for discipline, your dh is not there and they do hit you again, you call the police IMMEDIATELY and have them removed from your home. THis is the best scenario to rid yourself of this kids. You will have proof of physical abuse against you, you will also have dad on the spot to force him to really deal with the situation andnot just wave it off and mope around about it and it also brings mommy inot the pic as well. Cause it takes 2 to make children, and if she literally says, i dont want them thats another indication of having both sons placed in a home for troubled adolescence. Keeps your family safe and solves this problem.
That is just my opinion cause if my dh's kids ever hit me, that is what i would have done.Call the police, they are never to enter the hosue agian for my safety and for the safety of my child and let my dh then decide what he wants to do.Cause if he chooses his kids in this scenario over you, that he accepts that his kids physically hit and not repremand them, then he as a husband is not worth keeping and i would make sure that his kids are not around during your sons visitations due to violence.

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