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vgill's picture

Submitted by vgill on Wed, 11/11/2009 - 6:18pm

help! they are going to be home soon, I don't want them to come home!!how do I get them to move in with their mother without being mean to them!!??

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vgill's picture

Submitted by vgill on Wed, 11/11/2009 - 6:26pm

Don't get me wrong, I love the boys, but I can no longer stand the chaos they bring to my house there are 4 other children here who are picking up on their bad behavior, they are lazy , disrespectful, hurtful, and selfish! I am just tired of trying so hard and all I get is hatred, I just need a break!! at least 6 months!!

Totalybogus's picture

Submitted by Totalybogus on Wed, 11/11/2009 - 6:34pm

I think the real question is how are you going to convince your DH that they would be better off with their mother without hurting him. You're really going to have to have a pow wow with your husband and let him know how you really feel about his kids. Its best if you discuss it with him rather than him realizing it by the way you might wind up treating them out of your own frustration.

I'm not saying your wicked or anything, I was guilty of nitpicking too when the skids got on my nerves and it really didn't take much because by then I was at the end of my rope which really wasn't fair to anyone, especially them. I wound up talking it over with my husband and I was brutally honest about the way I felt. I was a little better positioned though than you are because I have kids from a previous marriage and my husband and I got together when they were teenagers. He could relate to what I was saying about his kids who are now teenagers. They were great while they were little, but I absolutely can't stand them now. And the sad part is it isn't anything that they are doing really, they are behaving like typical teens, but I've been there, got through to the other side and really don't want to go there again...lol. So I vent to my husband in a way that he can relate to me by using my own kids at that age as examples.

I think you need to figure out a way to express how you feel honestly in a way that your DH can relate. Even if that is by employer/employee relationships, siblings, his own parents... whatever. Until you vent your feelings to him and he understands it, and helps you to deal with your feelings in relation to this situation in a way that you feel like his partner in crime so to speak, you are going to just stew in your own juices and it will be hell for everyone else...lol. You guys have to be able to talk about it and laugh about it too.

I think I should change my screen name to COMMUNICATION because that truly is the key to most, if not all of the things we routinely complain of. If you can't talk to or be yourself with your husband, your bestfriend, your partner, you lover, who can you really talk to or be yourself with?

vgill's picture

Submitted by vgill on Wed, 11/11/2009 - 7:25pm

thank you for the advice, I need more DH is very sensitive about his kids( I don't blame him)and BM is not that great of an influence, but she just needs to deal with some parenting issues that she is creating (in my opinion). I don't fear for the boys safety when they are with her but, everytime dh and I discipline, or try to deal with bad behaviors, she undermines him and disrespects me, how am I supposed to deal with this? I think if she has to deal with them all of the time she may realize she has no Idea what she is doing, but most of all the boys I think will realize that their BM is not as great as she makes herself out to be on the 4 days a month that she has them. I think after spending time with her that they mjay come home with a different outlook of how their father and I care for them, it will be hard at first to undo the emotional and dicsiplinary issues at first but I think they may realize who their REAL parents are!!

Totalybogus's picture

Submitted by Totalybogus on Wed, 11/11/2009 - 8:14pm

You have them most of the time. The life lessons you and your husband are teaching them will be the lessons they take with them when they go out into the world on their own. All of the family traditions that you and your husband are sharing with your kids will be the ones they share with their kids. She can't undermine you if you don't let her. You are the custodial mom. What YOU say goes. She is just the disney mom they see EOW. Don't stress over it. You guys are really driving this bus. Just so long as your husband supports your roll in your home. If not, then yes you do have problems.

In that case you have to decide if you want to give him an ultimatum to either support you in that roll or you need to decide if you can live with things the way they are now.