Inlaw update!! and its NOT an improvement!!!
A bit of background, the step kids had a bday last Saturday. My inlaws sent each of the twins $50 for them to spend however.
Last night, we get two boxes:
one from Amazon, contained a toy for BS $12 and an item for sd $14... ok.. even.. like it..
second box contained wrapped gifts, there were 3 in there for sd and 3 for ss (in Sept, they brought up one of ss's gifts and left in a closet, as it would have been a fortune to mail as its so heavy), then 2 gifts for me and 1 big one for dh.
Now.. I know you cant tell people how to spend their money. I KNOW THAT.. I also dont begrudge my skids gifts... I dont.. not at all. But here is where I am ticked, in case its not clear.
BS got 1 freakin thing for $12 while skids each get multiple gifts, and $50 ea for their bday. My thing is, if you have Xamount of $$ to spend on xmas for grandkids, and you have Y grandkids, then you should be dividing that money equally.. I would have rathered NOTHING and her get BS a couple of more things...
When BS gets older, he is going to see this discrepancy.. and when he asks why the other two get more.. I am going to be honest.. I have no idea honey. None..
For the record, my dhd shook his head in disgust when he went through the boxes and realized what was occuring.
Can someone answer me why OUR child together is a SECOND CLASS CITIZEN in his paternal grandparents eyes???????
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Because they are stupid! My
Because they are stupid! My inlaws treat BS exactly the same as his brothers & his cousins. If anything he gets more attention because he is now the baby in the family. That will change when youngest BIL & SIL have a baby & then Nana will go crazy hugging & loving, but monitarily it will be the same.
My parents are more an issue. My brothers kids are sacred & get more money, time & attention & my brother treats them like shit. My sister is marrying into a step situation w/ 2 boys as well as has very vocally pointedf out to my mom that step grandchildren will be trated equally and that she feels my kids have been screwed. Go little sister!! If you want to borrow her she could set them straight.
I would say if it continues DH has to say something. Do they have other grandkids... I can't remember?
Yes, a granddaughter that
Yes, a granddaughter that lives in Chicago. She is adopted, my BIL and his partner have had her since she was 2. She is treated the same as skids. I know this, because in the past, MIL has discussed w/me what she had purchased and sent her. So, I have 6 yrs of seeing how all the kids were treated, which is why I am FUMING.
Sweetthing.. I may need to
Sweetthing.. I may need to borrow your lil sis. So. She is marrying the guy!! I remember when you told me she first started dating him. That is great! Good for her. Hopefully her situation is better than most blended families!!
Well for starters her fiance
Well for starters her fiance adores her to pieces...oh & he is loaded. Her engagement ring is fricking huge, probably cost 15,000.00 ( not a typo). The money situation won't be an issue so that is good but his ex is a wack job & the kids are spoiled so she & I have our own step mom support group several times a week on the ride home from work.
JUst from their past actions
JUst from their past actions I t hink that they will always be a huge disappointment for you guys as grandparents. I would have DH say something to them. More then likely they KNOW they are doing it, maybe being called on it will be embarrasssing enough to them to wake them up.
I am afraid though that they will continue to always let you down.
Wow. He is DH's child? I
Wow. He is DH's child? I would have him address this with his parents.
I feel your pain! We have
I feel your pain! We have three kids and my MIL would buy tons of things for SD but one thing for BS6 and BD12. I don't get it either since my son is her biological grandson as well. This happened two years in a row. So the next year I bought bios extra gifts and wrapped them up and put them under the tree from MIL and FIL. I cannot tell you the reaction she had when the kids got their gifts and where just so pleased...LOL. I made my point to MIL LOUD AND CLEAR
The whole point was that my kids didnt feel bad about getting less and they didnt.
MIL still doesnt buy the same but it is better than it was. She is afraid I will bring more gifts and embarass her again..LOL
Boy, I wish I had some good
Boy, I wish I had some good advice for you. My in-laws did something recently that just really upset me. I discussed it with DH and then let it go. They're not going to change, so it's up to me to accept it.
We give my husband's parents money because they don't have much and his dad is very bad with money. They then turn around and give this money to the OTHER grandkids in the family. Make sense? Not to me. For example, we give in-laws money (ideally so they can pay their bills), and FIL turns around and gives money to DH's brother's son. Then, MIL calls to tell me how they saw DH's brother's daughter and her two kids (their great-grandkids). FIL gave the two great-grandkids money.
OK, my in-laws have never given a penny to either of my kids. Once when we were visiting DH's brother's wife gave my oldest $1 and she was SO excited! It's not about the amount, it's just to be acknowledged. You know, my kids are their grandkids too and yet MIL can call and tell me how they're handing out money to the OTHER grandkids and not to my kids? I just don't get it!
If you feel strongly about this to make it a battle, I think you and DH need to go directly to his parents. They could have the attitude that your step-kids are in a "worse" situation because of the divorce. Many people (not me) feel that way and overcompensate like your in-laws are doing. But I agree that is NOT fair to your son!
Has your DH talked to his
Has your DH talked to his parents about this?
I don't know if I would handle it the following way because I've never actually been in this situation, but here's an idea anyhow.....Why not send the 'extra' gifts back to the inlaws that were for the skids? Send a note with it that says something along the lines of
"Thank you very much for the gifts for the kids, that's very thoughtful of you, however, we are returning X and Y gifts because we don't feel it's appropriate for one child to receive more gifts over another, thank you again though. XOXOX "
Signed,
The FrustratedinMA's.
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“Some cause happiness wherever they go; others whenever they go.”
Oh God, I feel your anger
Oh God, I feel your anger and sadness.
(look at a few of my blogs, I am in the same boat)
I'm trying to figure out what to do myself.
MIL "announced" after the "new" pregancy had occured that she would only continue to give ss5 gifts, AFTER this baby was born?!!!
I agree with the advice I'm getting here from some terrific people. If MIL can't treat this second born child the same as ss5, then I do not want any gifts in this home next year, at all, for anyone!
I also have abother bs(18) who is totally left out of the picture. MIL lavished ss5 with a gazillion things already! during her unannounced T'giving visit with my son home here too, from college. Gave ss5 all kinds of crap that he will destroy right in front of my son. Yes, it burnt my biscuit. My son just shrugged it off and said, "Whatever.." Good for him. His real bf is dead, and he only has one living grandparent left alive...Bs claims it makes us both "tighter and stronger" He is in college to become a minister, by the way...
Hmmm. Maybe you should just "even it out", or if you can, buy a few more gifts for your child together, just for now but don't let it go again! I'm not!
Good luck and be strong!
MWC (again)
Is the BS your DH's. If he
Is the BS your DH's. If he is than it is unfair. If not, I think it is fine. They are not his biological grandchildren. At least they get him something. Please update and let us know if they are their biological grandchildren.
From what I gather, yes BS
From what I gather, yes BS is DH's biological son too!
Based on this: Can someone answer me why OUR child together is a SECOND CLASS CITIZEN in his paternal grandparents eyes???????
___________________________________________________________________________
“Some cause happiness wherever they go; others whenever they go.”
Okay, it is complicated: I
Okay, it is complicated:
I have one son already from a 10 year marriage, until his dad passed away a few years ago.
I am NOW pregnant with dh...
Dh has one son5 already with the bm...
So, 3 kids. MIL is talking about how this NEW baby will not recieve anything, after the baby is born. Only dh's first born son, 5....
Exactly!! As I cried last night to dh, I asked him, "How can this child be less than? This baby does not deserve to grow up and wonder what they did, besides just being born!" Not fair...
Dh "thinks" haha that MIL will turn around. I know this will not happen. Dh claims he will never talk to the MIL again, if this occurs.
Why is "our" baby crap to the MIL??? Why?
Marriedwithchild.. WTF?
Marriedwithchild.. WTF? That would totally get my goat.. actually being as bold as to announce it! I would send the gifts back in a blink of an eye. I have not done so w/the skids presents, but may just next year.
I hope your dh stands his ground. My heart is breaking for you, and to say that to a pregnant woman.. its unheard of.
Jsmom, not sure if you were asking Marriedwithchild or me.. Yes, our baby is our child together.. absolutely their grandchild by blood. Mind you, my mom has been giving the skids gifts as if they were her own, and an even amount w/my nephew, who is her bio grandchild.
No.. skids live w/their
No.. skids live w/their mom. We have them for Xmas eve and Christmas this year.
Personally, I would send the
Personally, I would send the gifts back to MIL. It's just not right that she's favoring the 1st kids over yours. And I wouldn't buy extra gifts to put MIL's name on them either. You'll be making her to look like a sweetheart, which she certainly is not. Let her true colors show. Find a way to get rid of those gifts from MIL to the skids, and find a way to inform her that she is no longer to play favorites against your child/children in the future in your home. If she insists on giving more to the skids, she can do it on her own, not through you. What a piece of work! What is she hoping to accomplish?
They are crummy people.
They are crummy people. Even my dh's parents treat all the gkids and skids the same in realtion to gifts. I can't how I would feel with them treating their own biogkids different. I am sorry for you having to deal with people like that.
My mother sent my sister's 2
My mother sent my sister's 2 kids each $100 last xmas, and sent nothing for her 2 SKs. She divided up $50 each and had all 4 kids sign a thank you card and mailed it to my mom. We're waiting this year to see if she got the hint!
"I child proofed my whole house, but they STILL get in!"
I'm feeling tempted to play
I'm feeling tempted to play devil's advocate for a second. I can see both sides of this. On one hand, the skids are not her bio-gkids. I don't see why she should be buying them gifts, as they have their own sets of grandparents. But on the other hand, it would make the skids feel a bit left out. I don't know, really. If I had skids under the age of 18, I don't think I would expect my parents to offer them gifts. It's one thing for a SM to buy the child a gift, as they have more contact with the skids, but the step-grandparents? Nah. A line has to be drawn somewhere...