My husband is the same way..ALL THE TIME. I asked him once " hun why do you want it all the time?" and he replies " because I love you"

I heard once that, a woman needs to feel loved in order to have sex, a man needs to have sex in order to feel loved. My husband is an octopus sometimes and is all hands. Sometimes he is dead tired, his eyes are red and he can barely keep his eyes open and here he is chasing me around the house to get some. It is just how they are and I understand this is a huge way for them to express their love to us as women we express our love verbally and by doing things for our husbands and nurturing to our husbands.

" Faith is a bird that feels dawn breaking and sings while it's still dark"-R.Tagore

I feel that many men use sex with their significant others to show love and affection. My ex would never hold my hand, kiss me, hug me, or even say I love you after so many years into our marriage, but I believe he thought he was showing me love with sex. I tell my FH now that I can go without sex if I have to, but all the other stuff - the kisses, hugs, hand holding, and all the I love you's we throw out at each other all day long - I couldn't live without that.
But, my FH would have sex anytime, anywhere, and under any conditions, but I am feeling so loved all day long that it's a rare thing if I turn him down.

**my stepdaughters did not grow in my tummy, they grew in my heart**

I could have written that blog myself, Stick! And I agree, the only time DH doesn't want it is if we've been talking about HCOAX (our new moniker for BM: Horrid Cow of an Ex-Wife). But other than that, NOthing stops him!

It is true, I think, that it would really be good for men to understand that, in general, women lose libido when we lose respect for our guy or when we feel emotionally unsupported. That's the way WE are wired. And if men could understand that for us, it's a question of "wiring", too, I bet that: 1) they would work harder to KEEP our respect; and in exchange 2) the reward for that would be that WE should do everything we can to be more open to sex even when we're not absolutely raring to go (to respect HIS hard-wiring -- no pun intended!).

I have a pretty healthy libido, but on those occasions when I'm not too into it, my motto is, "Fake it 'til you make it." Not as in fake an orgasm, mind you: I don't agree with lying to my partner. What I mean is, women don't really have to be turned on to participate. And I find that if I decide to participate even if I'm not really in the mood, by the end of it I AM in the mood! Know what I mean? So, if DH wants to have sex, I usually say yes, even if I'm not dying for it. And afterwards, I'm always glad I did!

But without feeling respected and emotionally supported by my partner, that's not possible. I guess there's probably one more thing I would say to men about how women are hard-wired: If we don't feel respect for you, and if we don't feel loved by you, then sex when we're not in the mood starts to feel a little like... well, rape. Not that you're forcing us if we said yes to begin with, but that it can become so distasteful to be touched in that way that it starts to feel traumatic and overwhelmingly unpleasant. Even when we're trying as hard as we can to overcome that feeling and get into it. And that feeling of almost-rape can build into something that's too big to change.

So. Being able to respect our man is incredibly important to our libidos in a relationship. Probably the single most important thing for a guy to know about women and sex.

BB

"No matter how cynical I get, it's never enough." - Lily Tomlin

I agree. My DH and I started having more sex after I disengaged. All the tension in the house is pretty much gone and we don't talk about SS and BM much. I think without all the tension, its easier on both of us.

"If I turn into another, Dig me up from under what is covering the better part of me" -Incubus

Yes. To quote my H, "Men are simple creatures. They live for sex and think farts are funny."

Though he has outgrown the second part of that quote, I'm sure he will never outgrow the first one.

I talked to my mom today. She told me something interesting. I told her how when DH felt I no longer wanted sex, he still did of course, but just giving him what he wanted wasn't enough for him. For awhile it was, don't get me wrong. Then he stopped doing things that might inspire me to want to have sex, b/c he figured I didn't really want to anyway. I missed connecting with him, so I would try to connect his way even though I wasn't being given much to inspire that. I would initiate, to try to connect with him, and he'd lay there almost as if to let me know I had to prove something to him, or as if to make me feel the way he was feeling. Then he got mad when I stopped responding to his advances with attempts to get into it.

So I'd stop. Give up. Too much work for someone who was shutting down and trying to make it harder on me.

So I told this to my mom and she said, "Your dad did that to me once. And when I asked him why he said he wanted me to have to put more effort in so he was trying to make me by not responding. And so I stopped too."

This must be a rather universal thing here. My parents were never connected as far as I know, but my H and I once were. But this constant state of bpd raging in our home makes it impossible for love to flourish.

"Parental love is unconditional, relationships are reciprocal." ~Zen

Great info!
I am still learning how to be better at all this with my wife.
It seems to be working great.

I wanted to put a certain twist on this.
well not a twist but a level of consideration...

Men can be ready for sex any time any place. (YES)
That does not mean you should think that oh, you'll get it... calm down...
You need an undetermined amount of nurture and care and listening. AND!!!!
You need foreplay that will not work without the many other contributions like above... we must obtain all this at all costs.

Now I don't want to hear we can't multi task ever again!!!!!
The urgency of our "hard" wiring. (pun intended.. is not like what you need.
The balance of all this is not the same for you as it is for us men.
You need quality time, Our time is running out! Were like a ticking time bomb ready to go off.

Oh, and by the way. when DH is just awakening from rest while he was sick in bed.
Is absolutely the best time for a Hummer...
Rest is restoration for him. It builds the strength he needs.
So smack him with your best hummer and put him back to sleep!
it's like vitamins!

Have a great weekend!!!!