Speaking in regards to the paragraph about your SD, I can relate. I think alot of it is from comparing circumstances to others, and thinking, well if I had that, or if things were that way, I would be happier, which led me to focusing on the downside of things. I realized I was doing it, but honestly, not until you posted this did I realize the damage it can do to yourself and other's around you. I'm not exactly sure how to change that mindset because I recall back to my teenage years being this way. With BF, I compare our relationship to other's, well Tom gives Tina flowers once a week, or Jack sends little notes to Jill telling her he loves her. The problems are much bigger than this obviously, but I can see where me doing that is definitely a symptom of the problem.

BTW, I have never once taken offense to your advice to me, I hope you know that. I truly value everything you've had to offer.

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“The challenge is to help couples turn "I Do" into "We Can."

Happy Thanksgiving Stick!!!

Sometimes I think as the end of year gets closer we tend to withdraw and do some soul searching and self evaluation. Sometimes I get depressed because I feel like I should have more at my age career and personal wise. Sometimes I feel like the baggage that FH comes with is too much too bear.

But then I remember the good moments. The laughter, the moments of going through something and having him as my support. The nights staying up with all the skids and BS and joking and watching movies. And of course I can't forget the private moments that I have with FH, though they are few and far between.

I think that this is the first year I am looking forward to the holidays. I realized that as FH and I's relationship grows and becomes more stronger, the ever present BM and her drama become smaller and smaller. I realized that when I think about her I am feeding into it and making it bigger than it really is.

I know you know that you are blessed. You have a beautiful family and the ability to stay home and be there for them should they need you. I know DH not always being home is hard for you, but think of the fun you have when he gets back }:)

(((HUGS))) sweetie, and enjoy your weekend

Stick honey

I'm so sorry you're feeling this way. I can relate on so many levels to what you've expressed that I don't know where to begin in responding.

First, what you're experiencing with your feelings of being in a dark place are completely normal and to be expected. It's harmonic resonance. My mother had depression when I was growing up (and still does) and I can tell you it is extremely difficult to be with someone who is consumed by negativity without some of that negativity rubbing off on you. It's easier to sink than to lift someone else's mood. This is something that FH and I have discussed many times because he is a naturally optimistic, happy-go-lucky person (like you) and the kid and I tend more towards dark brooding. It's a challenge for him to stay happy around us sometimes. And sometimes his light attitude makes me want to throw something at him! Being aware of this helps. So does recognizing that there's only so much you can do to help SD; temperament is inherited and she will have to learn to deal with her own moods and perceptions, and it sounds like she's getting some help with this.

You're on the right track in recognizing the successes you're having, however small and slow-going they are. We have been going through something similar with the kid and her various disorders and behaviours. Even though things seem worse at times (like the other night), we are actually seeing some progress. It's like a dirty turkey pan you put in a sink full of clean dishwater. All the gunk rises to the top in the process of cleaning the pan. Sometimes things look worse when they're actually getting better.

As for the job thing... boy oh boy do I hear you there. I left my job when I went squirrelly two years ago and I've felt like a ship without an anchor ever since. I hadn't realized just how much I'd defined myself by my work. You've got the added stress of missing your husband, which must be so discouraging. But it sounds like this is a temporary thing and you do have some projects to work on to keep you in the loop and keep your brain cells working. Maybe knowing that you'll return to even better things can give you some hope in the present. I know that keeping the goal of returning to work in my mind really helps me when I feel like a loser about it.

You have so much going for you! It's okay to feel low and to cry... give yourself permission! You don't need to carry the added responsibility of maintaining caring and compassion for BM - it's okay to see that she's got her own shit without taking it on yourself. It's also okay to express dark thoughts here without feeling worried about spreading negativity. Give yourself some space to feel low sometimes. You've got a tough situation and lots of challenges to deal with... of course you're sad! And that's okay.

Just keep your eyes looking forward, keep your chin up, and allow yourself to fall down once in a while. I'm sending positive energy your way, along with all of the other people out there who care about you. You're not alone in this.

Hey Stick... Just wanted to give you a quick "Hang In There" to one of my favorite gals!! Please know I'm thinking about you and sending you BIG ((((((((HUGS)))))))!!!!!! Don't let yourself get down, and if you do just remember we're all here to pull you back up!!