DH has seen his other kids since we've been together, but it's always on her terms. They've never met their half sisters because of BM. BM hates my guts and says she couldn't trust leaving her precious kids in both of our care. She wants to be able to stay in our home and see exactly what is going on while the skids visit. She wants to control every aspect of the kids meeting. I want the kids to meet. I've wanted nothing more. I have told my daughters about their brother and sister since they were inside of me. I have never tried to hide the fact that they have siblings. I have their pictures on our walls and in our photo albums. BM on the other hand hid my children from hers for about 3 years. DH is just not stepping up to her and telling her how things could go without any drama.

Yes, DH does have court ordered visitation, but it never happens. And since we can't afford a lawyer to get any of this changed we're basically screwed. BM has never gotten over DH and she uses the kids to her advantage. They live in another state, but we have tried and tried to get them to visit. We've sent money for plane tickets and we have bought plane tickets that ended up being cancelled because I wouldn't let her stay in my home for 2 weeks. DH has gone to their state for a visit, but it was a last minute thing. BM had to go out of the country and her parents wouldn't watch the kids so she flew DH out there. That was all done and plane ticket bought before I even caught wind of it. I have told DH that it is unfair and unrealistic for her to say I can't be around her kids but she can be with mine. DH is being a total coward and letting her walk all over us. He told me when this all first came up that if this was the only way she'd let the kids meet then he was going to do as she says. I told him that was a bunch of bull and I couldn't believe he'd tell his WIFE to get out of the house so his EX- wife could come in and take over. Plus, we have already been thru this and when the last visit was ripped away from the kids she ended up apologizing and said that we could all talk about it so that everyone gets what they want. Of course she hasn't even tried to talk to me and DH is just letting her do this. He ends up pissed at me when I start standing my ground and saying if I can't be near those kids she sure as hell isn't coming near mine. He'll say things like "Fine, they'll never meet" and "fine, I'll just never speak to them again just to make you happy" When I tell him that is not what I want and I want everyone to get along he just rolls his eyes and says he's not going to talk about it anymore. It's so stressful!

I have pretty much invited her to my house, not to stay, but I came up with something that could've worked and she went overboard. We told her that we could make arrangements with my MIL for her to stay there or we'd put her up in a hotel. I told her in an e-mail that I have no problem having her come over for meals and visit, but to actually "live" together for 2 weeks was a bit too much. She went off on DH in an e-mail and cut off contact between him and his children. She uses those kids so much and she doesn't even realize she is hurting them. I have so many e-mails from her saying that DH isn't allowed to e-mail or IM with the kids anymore because of me. She has threatened so much court action and says that support and communication are two different things.
I get so upset when he doesn't stick up for me. He doesn't seem to have any respect for me and it hurts. I just know I would never do this to him. I watched my own mother do this stuff to my father. I don't think BM knows I actually know the way she is thinking because of my experience thru my mom.
I will definitely be looking into all the legal things we can do. If anyone is going to be held in contempt it's gonna be her! I'm sure I've got plenty of proof of how insane this woman is.

Here is exactly what was said when she ripped that visit away from the kids...
Sorry if there any typos, but hey I didn't type it, just copied and pasted this.

I'm not sure if last message was received. I wrote it early this morning and the Internet was down for a short while. Due to your lack of back bone, I have decided that this whole trip was a really really bad idea. The tickets have been canceled and I will be taking my children on a vacation elsewhere. I will not go to a place where my children and I are not welcomed. I cannot trust my most precious children to someone who I don't know. I only have them, you have had lots of replacements.

Reminder, regardless of your new employer's verbal message, you are responsible for the payment of child support. If you become 30 days delinquent in payments, I will have the court hold you in contempt of a court order and have a warrant issued for non-payment of support. Believe me if Chrissie and your dad think I'm going to "take over" something it will be this.

This whole thing did not have to be this way, why would I make things ugly for my children while they where there?? It has been me that has tried and tried to keep you in both of their lives.

Jennifer will no longer be able to IM you. Remember, visitation and support are two different issues. If you want visitation go to court and have them order me to allow you to visit them. It is still stipulated that the visitation is supervised by my Mother. You better make sure that you have a better attorney than I do to change the existing order. This is "taking over".

It did not have to be this way.

The visitations were supervised by BM's mother for a couple of reasons. One, she didn't want to see him one bit (at that time), and two because my DH is an ex pot smoker and she was thinking he'd go back to smoking it since they weren't together anymore. He hasn't, but she kept it this way. Her mother lives in the same state as her, but they're not even speaking much anymore. Her mother didn't want DH anywhere near the kids. When we did live in the same state DH would set up a visitation then BM's mom would cancel saying she had other plans that she had forgotten about. It went on like that for a year. The only time he did get to see the kids was when he went to pay for their daycare. Since he was friends with the people who ran it they let him in to see his kids for a couple of minutes. Other than that all visitation has been cancelled or completely denied. It's really like she holds those kids hostage sometimes.
Ya know what I thought was weird, she usually sends a copy of her e-mails to DH along to her lawyer, but this one she didn't....here's what led up to the nasty e-mail...

Dear Shawn,

The children and I will be staying with you and your family for 2 weeks. I hope that Chrissie will be alright with this. I will be renting a car sometime after we arrive so that I can do some "fiber" looking.

Also, Dad is not doing well and is in the hospital at Mayo Hospital. His heart is not doing as well as was hoped. According to Mom he is in congestive heart failure. Mayo will not release him until this issue is resolved. He did very well after the 6 vessel bypass, however, when the abdominal aortic aneurysm was repaired about 2 1/2 weeks ago he has become very frail. The family and medical providers are gravely concerned about his surviving this set back.

Take Care,

Dianne

please let me know if the accommodations for me staying within your home is going to cause a problem.

She didn't send that one to her lawyer either. And she asks if there would be a problem. Of course she didn't like the answer she got even tho DH was trying his best to compromise with her.

Nothing has happened in the past to where she shouldn't trust DH with his kids. He's an outstanding father. He gives what his children need and some extras here and there. Definitely doesn't try to buy their love with gifts, altho they have tried to sucker him into some things. She's just been this vendictive from the beginning. She has kept the kids away because of me. She doesn't like that DH and I are happy together. It's like if she's not happy no one else is going to be either. I know if I let her in my home she would bicker about anything she could find, even if it was a sock on the floor she'd say it was filthy or something. Of course if I had to show any court pictures of how she runs her home and how I run mine they'd see who was more clean. The skids are old enough to travel alone. SD is 16 and SS is 12. If BM would just put her big girl panties on and let those kids see their father and know their sisters it would all be fine, but we see that's not going to happen.

Coming from a divorced family myself I know and understand exactly how my skids are feeling with their mother. They're going to grow up resenting her in the end of it all. SD already shows signs of resenting her mom. I don't know how many e-mails she has sent saying things such as "I wish mom would just shut the f*** up" If she were my child she would not be using that language. She also shows love and care for her sisters and I. With every e-mail she tells DH to send her love to us and to give her sisters hugs. SS hardly speaks to DH. When DH calls on their schedule day SS will talk for a couple minutes then hand the phone to BM. Then on SD days BM can't wait to get on the phone but SD won't give it to her SD wants to live with us, but she has some issues I'd rather not have around my kids. SD likes to play with fire. She gets lighters taken away constantly. She is also hanging out with all the gothic types, which I have too, but she seems too much into it. Either she is just rebelling against her mother or she's seriously crying out for help with her actions. I still want them all to meet and maybe learn to love each other. I know my BDs love their brother and sister already and they would love to meet them. We just have to get over this hump that we call "HER".

LOL and to top it off he'd have to pay spousal support too. I haven't worked a day since being with him. We decided from the beginning that I'd be a stay at home mom. Of course now that both of my girls are in school now it's time to get a job. I'll go nuts if I have to stay home alone all day. Thanks vickmeister, that made me laugh

DH knows I have plenty of places to go and he knows the kids would be coming with me. He has been doing a lot of ass kissing to me, but hasn't done what needs to be done. I want him to just flat out tell her that there is no way he'd even suggest I'd go somewhere else. I want him to tell her that no matter what he's their father and he has rights. There's so much more that needs to be said and it has been going on far too long. She would bad mouth me, call up cursing and demanding that I get her exhusband on the phone. She has called me a bitch on many occasions. Not once has he defended me. Oh but he's quick to defend her. Pisses me off big time and he knows it. As you can see she has come right out and called my daughters and I replacements. He tells me, "she's just hurt" well, it's been 10 years and she threw him out so she needs to get over it already. Did she expect him to sit there wanting her back for the rest of his life? She made him miserable!