What did you say in response?

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“Unless commitment is made, there are only promises and hopes; but no plans.”

oh the ratty hair mess...I can't stand Sd's hair. I used to fix it for her ALL the time but then I stopped bc she started flattening it and messing it up right after I'd fix it...mommy doesn't like it like this. My response, "ok...I'll let you and mommy do it how you want from now on." This said with a nice,caring smile as I busy myself with my own hair and makeup.

~The aim of life is self-development. To realize one's nature perfectly - that is what each of us is here for.~
Oscar Wilde

My SD's have said this to me also. In fact, there was one time BM was taking SD's to a day camp. I did their hair in the morning and when they came back that very same night, their hair was totally redone! WOW!!! SD's told me BM didn't like the way I did their hair.
They get their nerve from their BM, why else would they say something like that? They hear if from them. After a short discussion with DH and SD this never happened again. BM got an earful from DH. More like the nerve of these BM's!!!!

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If you have a headache, do what it says on the aspirin bottle: Take two, and KEEP AWAY FROM CHILDREN.
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I am new to this site. I am just reading along. Trust me this is nothing. Try taking your SD to the park and because you grab her hand she threatens you with calling the cops and disrespect you like your own kids have never dared to disrespect you. She even told me that her mother told her that if I touch her to tell her so that she can call the cops on me and getting me in lots of trouble. That incident caused me two weeks of not sleeping in the same room with my husband. The child is going to be 8yrs old in two weeks but trust me she has the mind of a grown child. Since then forget it...I want no part of her. I am just staying away because this is not the first time that she is disrespectful. It is so difficult to deal with someone else's children specially when the other parents raise their kids to think they own the world and they can do whatever they want. I understand you perfectly, you try to be nice and they slap in you in the face. Another women would have let her SD look like crap outside and not care.

Lynlora

LOL, I have had that happen as well. BM told SD to tell me last summer there would be a serious problem if i combed or washed her hair again.

Whatever! When SD is at my home she will follow the same hygeine that everyone else does.

We are African American so we don't wash our hair everyday or it would really dry out and break off.... but we do wash our hair - me and my daughter - once a week and we deep condition it once a week as well.

SD came for 4.5 weeks in the summer and BM expected me not to touch her hair or wash it. She said since she braided it that would be sufficent.

Needless to say - she was highly upset when SD went back home. I had washed her hair each week, deep conditioned it with all natural products, and re-braided her hair. Her hair looked and felt in better condition when i sent her back home - then when she came.

But that next weekend.... SD told me as soon as she walked in the house - how her mom was upset and said there would be a problem if i touched her hair again. I just told SD - I understand her mom was upset - but that i loved her and could not let her hair remain sweaty, nasty for a month. AND that i would only wash her hair if she stayed with us more than a week. Her mom sends her hair braided every other weekend - so there is no need for me to touch it.

I would not dare allow a kid to walk around 4.5 weeks with unwashed, uncombed, hair.... How gross!

********She doesn't have to love me or even like me - it doesn't change a dang thing..... So get over it and move on BM!************

My 6 y/o SD threw a 15 minute fit this morning because she got a little water on her shirt (and I mean a little water), and she wanted to change it. The real issue is that her mother lets her do whatever she wanted. I told her that she might get away with that at her mom's but not here. Of course that means I'm in another long, awful "discussion" with her dad, because it's not her fault. Why is a 6 y/o crying about clothes in the first place? Can you say SPOILED???

Don't worry Crystal, its a learning process. We have all had moments where we look back and think about how we could have reacted better. I think the situations you have been through have made you more sensitive right now.
Its a catch 22. Mostly because you don't want to go over BM's head, but at the same time, I know I don't want to be outside with a child that has messy hair. That is a big peeve of mine.
Don't be too hard on yourself, it happens to all of us.

These women are seriously whacked-out control freaks. Those poor kids.

LOL!! Been there! I usually fix my SD's hair to make it look nice. Well, DH got an e-mail from the Wookie telling him that she did not want me to touch SD's hair in any way whatsoever. So, I kept on with what I was doing . . . until . . . PICTURE DAY!! The Wookie didn't want me to touch SD's hair, so I didn't. I told SD she should comb her hair - she didn't. She fell asleep the night before with a wet head, slept on it, woke up, didn't brush it, and went to school. Let me tell you, those were some pretty pictures. LOL!!!

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Love me or hate me, I'm still gonna shine!!!

OMG, I totally understand about the HAIR thing. AND finger/toe nails. My SS6 is like his father in regards to his nails. They grow VERY quickly. Whenever he's taking a bath, that's when I'll cut them, coz their softer. Geezey Petes, how can his BM NOT see how long they are?! I guess he'd have to stab her with is fingernails to get her to notice?!

As far as his hair is concerned, she believes in the "bowl" cut...put a bowl on the top of his head to give him a military "high & tight" cut, which is fine...as long as you BLEND the hair together where they meet the short w/ the longer. Nope. Just really FUGLY looking hair cut. I have cut his hair before--just a crew cut all over, since it's a lot of hair and I'm sure he feels better w/ it. She bitched, "It's a little short isn't it?" Uh, No...it's a LOT shorter...which means, guess what--less shampoo, less drying, less maintenance....it'll make YOUR life easier, don't you GET That?"

~*~A Good Mommy will let the kids lick the beaters. A GREAT Mommy will turn the mixer off first!~*~

I had one that wouldn't let me wash her clothes. She went into a fit of hysterics when I told her to change so I could wash her clothes. Her dad was not in the house at the time and I had two of my own teenagers watching this. You know, you certainly don't want to let your teenagers see a 6 year old get the best of you...lol.

She said she wasn't going to take her clothes off. I told her that I would go outside of the room and be back in a few minutes and those clothes better be in the hamper. Well, I went back in about ten minutes later and she's playing in her room with the clothes still on her. I walked over to take them off. SHe blew a gasket and said she'd do it herself. I again gave her another opportunity to do it. I said Ok, I'll go out and come back, when I come back in if you don't have your clothes off I'm going to take them off for you.

Well, when I came back in this time, she was up on the top bunk with the covers pulled over her body WITH HER CLOTHES STILL ON! Both my teenagers daughters looked at me with a smurk on their faces. My oldest said "so, what are you going to do about that"? I can tell you by that point my whole body was shaking and my hand was just itching to smack her little behind.

However, I climbed up and lifted her off the top bunk with her trying to kick me and screaming how much she hates me and removed her clothes. I told her she can stay in her room until her father got back. BUT I GOT THE CLOTHES...lol.

I walked outside afterwards to get myself under control. None of them saw me lose control, but I'm telling you keeping it together at that moment was the hardest thing I ever had to do.

She has never pushed me like that again. She knows when I say something, I will follow through. She just wasn't used to that. Her mom just whines or yells but never actually gets up and does anything. It takes too much of an effort and she's too busy trying to be their friend.

My SD has told me the same thing, but only once. And it is because BM wants the 4 yr old to look like a teenager, so she straightens her hair, etc.... Which by the way breaks the ends off of her hair and has made it very unhealthy, but hey who are we to say anything right! I did not come back to SD with your response, but I did show her the broken hair and did explain how the heat that is being put on her hair daily is not good. Had to explain it in 4 year old terms.... Anyway, SD did have curly hair so BM had curls cut off so that SD would look more like her, which is what BM told SD. It is still long enough to pull up and we do pull it up when SD is here. SD does not complain at all when I am fixing her hair and knows how cute it is with the bows that I buy for her. SD loves the bows and picks her own out depending on her outfit she is wearing. When we pick SD up from BM, SD's hair is stringy and in her face. I make sure to bring a brush and something to pull her hair up with. I can understand where the frustration lies with your comment to SD, because it does get overwhelming sometimes to hear what BM says just to be snide.... Been there, done that! Gotta remember though it is not SD's fault, and sometimes that is a task of its own. The behavior or comments are all taught and learned. I would want my children to look good when at school or public. I know looks are not everything, but being presentable makes an impression.

There's something about hair with BM's. I instinctively knew that BM would not want me touching GG's hair...so I don't (she has asked GG in the past if I have ever touched her hair...how odd). I guess I could be a bitch and do it just to piss her off, but I'm not like that. Why bother with the drama? Plus, I know that she would just redo it when GG got home...and I would not want to put my SD in that position of wondering if she did something wrong or feeling like she betrayed her mom in any way by letting me do her hair (you know, kids can make any situation their fault).

I think doing their daughters hair is a mommy bonding thing they do not want you to mess with....and I'm fine with that. BM has no life and nothing to show for herself...her life is her children. She can have their hair.

"To us, family means putting your arms around each other and being there." ~Barbara Bush

She is 6! I think you maybe over thinking this. My SD says this stuff all the time when SHE doesn't want something done. "my mom doesn't like it" when her BM doesn't give a crap.....she just thinks that you won't do it then.

I'm going to tell you the truth, at 6 years old, I don't believe that she said it to hurt your feelings at all. I have a 6 year old biological son and he says the first thing that comes to his mind. He can't keep a secret and pretty much what he hears he will repeat. My 8 year old does the same thing. It would have pissed me off too but I would have taken it with a grain of salt. BM's a coward for not telling you to your face.