I completey sympathize with your situation. Our BM isn't abusive or neglectful, but she is selfish, easily flustered, and we can offer a more stable/safer living environment. Unfortunately we live in Oklahoma and here BM would have to 100% agree to give custody over. Screwly law, I understand they have it b/c there are several dead beat dads here in OK, but it royally screws over good dads! In order to find all the info I needed I researched online, and we can't afford a lawyer, but we have a law school here in Tulsa and they offer free advise. Good luck in your situation, I hope things work out!

"Live well, Love much, Laugh often."

Unless you have some pretty significant proof of abuse, the chances in my experience are slim to none. Courts generally look for the very basics to please them, food, clothing and shelter. Anything besides that is good fortune as far as the courts are concerned. Also, I'm wondering if your court system will wonder why he hasn't bothered with any of this before now, as I'm thinking I read that they are still technically just separated after many years.

I would get a lawyer. What you do have to your advantage is that BM only has a 1 br apartment. In Md. they do take that into account. If you can provide a child with their own bedroom, it looks better. They also take into account who can provide more for the child and where it will be most stable.

If SD comes home with a bruise on her you can take a pic, call the police & file an emergency temp. custody order and would end up having to go to court to get full custody. This would all be traumatic for SD. I would first talk with the school counselor & them talk with SD. You would then have a "professional" in the courts eyes involved and it may go smoother (and cheaper) into your favor without stress on SD. The courts trust school counselors, pro. counselors & pastors ...

Will be hard to fight for custody when your complaints are she is selfish and greedy, controlling, etc.......
as sooooooooo sooo many people who have those traits have kids and raise them.

Just look at the rude teens and lazy young people, its an epidemic and quite "average" for most.
Unless you have money and lots of it as well as degrees, professional jobs making big bucks and can use that to say your the better parents because you can provide more and be positive role models based upon your positions in the working world, you will have a hard time getting custody of a womans biological children.

I accidentally sent this to you as a private message. DO NOT file for custody. 99.9% of the time the man loses. Same thing happened to us. Filed, had proof of neglect, abuse, SS15 doing drugs and failing miserably in school. We basically had the case won until SS spoke to the judge and AFTER 1 year of telling us he wanted to live with us, changed his mind at the last minute because BM bribed him with a game system. Now DH has to pay SO MUCH in CS, we can't afford to live, we may lose our home. And NOTHING has changed in SS's situtation. It was for nothing.

wont work...we tried and put a lot of money in...there are 7 differrent things that they look at...and unless she is way different than when they got a divorce then the judge will ask why it was okay for her to be custodial then and not now...and when they do finally get around to asking SD what will she say...ours was too worried about making BM upset and mad.

Counseling helps. We had a situation very close to yours and we out my SSons in counseling. It did take a little while to earn trust with their counselor but it has been well worth it. BD now has primary custody with BM only getting supervised visitation. If you go to a state licensed counseor, they can testify in court on behalf of the minor child just like a GAL.
Good Luck