Money makes the world go around?
As someone that got into debt and pulled herself out (18 months now without a debt to my name bar the student loan!) I can be quite touchy about money, especially the amount that my OH can spend on his son.
Reading some of the blogs & forum posts on here it's clear to me that money can often be an issue in blended families - some kids may have more material things than others, arguments over paying out of joint accounts for big items for skids etc.
I've more or less managed to get to an even keel with OH at the moment money-wise, but when he first moved in with me I was paying all the rent & bills (cos I'd been living there by myself before)and he paid the mortgage on the house where BM is still living with SS10 until the divorce.
I was getting resentful about all this, because I knew his mortgage was less than the rent I was paying, plus with all the bills over half of my wages each month was paying for our home together whilst he was only paying for the big grocery shop! Him still being legally married however meant that nothing was going to get completely sorted for ages, so we've started a new plan this month, which I'm hoping will work OK.
Each of us put £1000 a month towards the boring stuff - rent, mortgages, bills, food, car repair fund etc. We each have payments set up on our accounts for this stuff, so we then work out the difference & it gets plonked into a separate account so we've got it ready when the big bills come in.
We've each then got the remainder of our wages to do with as we please, whether it's going out, clothes, buying presents for SS10 etc. So far, so good - I've not got annoyed about him talking about expensive presents for SS10 as I know we're contributing equally to our life together - and I included the mortgage, which is currently in place of cash child support as one of our joint bills, which I think made him happy.
This system obviously wouldn't work if we have our own kids & one of us had to stop working for a while, and I wondered what other systems people used to keep the money arguments to a minimum?
- Storm76's blog
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it took me about 2 years to
it took me about 2 years to get bf to STOP buying sd11 things everyday. he would literally buy her something at each store they went to--and if they went to multiple stores, she got something from each. she has a shopping problem, even if its a pack of gum she has to buy something.
i am in charge of the money here. i am the one with the bank account so all money goes into it and he has to ask me to use the card. he wont buy sd11 ANYTHING unless he asks first. its not a control thing, its because he would spend soooo much on her and buy her stupid shit and waste our money.
In our house the finances
In our house the finances work like this.
I have my OWN checking account that he has NO access to. My paychecks go in there. He has HIS checking account where HIS paycheck goes but I am a JOINT account holder. I pay ALL the bills from BOTH accounts. Usually from my account I pay the mortgage, my car note, my credit cards, my kids expenses. HIS account pays ALL utilities, his car, his credit cards and all groceries. We also have a savings account that we BOTH contribute to, but HE has no access to it. He has money control issues so it's just better that way, and he's ok with it.
I leave him a certain amount in his checking account that he can do whatever he wants with.
He used to spend every single extra cent he had on buying crap for his kids. Much like evils SD11 that had to get a pack of gum at every store, my SD9 is EXACTLY the same way. And he used to go for it, until I put a stop to it. Every now and then I have to reel him in when it comes to SD9 and the nonsense shopping but he's learned. Slowly but surely.
It works for us.
Money is the #1 reason for
Money is the #1 reason for divorce in our country.
So it is also the #1 opportunity to improve your relationship.
(Larry Burkett/Dave Ramsey)
I believe in what Dave Ramsey teaches about money.
www.daveramsey.com
We don't have a shared
We don't have a shared account. I calculated the monthly bills that we all use, mortgage, electricity, cable/internet, water, groceries, etc. and DH pays me half of that. We both pay our own expenses that were acquired before we got together, he pays his own CS, car/insurance, prior debt from credit cards, and I do the same. For things like going out to dinner, we usually just take turns paying, or whichever one of us has the money to do those things at the time will offer to pay.
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“Unless commitment is made, there are only promises and hopes; but no plans.”
I think I may have spoken
I think I may have spoken too soon yesterday. Last night I dropped a gentle reminder that he hadn't transferred into the account the remainder of his money for this month (so far he's paid out mortgage, grocery shop & internet) & he said 'oh yes, I'll have to think about that cos I've got monster's birthday coming up' - WTF!!! So he appears to think that an expensive gift for his son's birthday comes out of joint money, whereas I'm buying him a few bits from my own???
Gonna sit him down over the weekend to have another talk about this methinks
I do agree with what you
I do agree with what you have said. That's why I only use one account that I trust and this is the colorado merchant accounts. Just by using it, I learned how to be a wise consumer and this really is convenient and easy to use unlike other credit card applications.