Does CS include school lunches? A little long.
My dh is paying cs, now his checks total a whopping $904.00 a month to go towards or monthly bills, food, etc. Well BM has been providing lunches on Wednesday nights (our night for visitation) to take to school on Thursday morning. She informed DH last night, in front of the kids, that he needs to provide their lunches on Thursday's because it is his day. We live in Kansas and our court order only states cs and medical expenses (60% of what is not covered). The court order also states that visitation starts at 5pm on Wednesday nights and he drops them off at school 15 miles away on Thursday morning or if their is no school he is to drop them off by 8am. My dh does all the vistation transportation. I think that school lunches are a part of the cs, but bm disagrees and she said that if we weren't going to provide lunches on those days we could no longer have the sk's on Wednesday night, DH is so frustrated that I called her and said we would not be providing them and we returned the girls to bm's last night also told her she needed to get with her lawyer and have him adjust our vistitation schedule. DH and I feel that if we do not stand up somewhere she will just keep taking advantage of him, and if we do not send lunches with sk's they would go without. We feel like we are in a no win situation. We can't keep shelling out money, or their will be none for taking care of them when we have them.
I have a good paying job at this point, but am looking into other jobs because I work 6 days a week and my bd was diagnosed with autism and obsessive compulsive disorder along with the seizure disorder and ADHD that she already has, I really feel I must be with her more, she spent 7 days in the hospital in August, and my job just doesn't work well with her health issues. This may sound hateful but I am not willing to give my bk's less to submit to her bullsh*t. I provide for my children and receive cs and don't expect my ex to pay for things like that on top of cs, I feel that is what the cs is for, Am I wrong?
I feel bm is just trying to take advantage of DH and it really p*sses me off, not for the better of the sk's either, if she can support her drinking habit, then she should be able to buy sk's school lunches. BM's husband makes good money too. BM and DH make about the same monthly and myself and BM's husband make considerably more than them. I also receive cs and disablity for my oldest bd, but I don't feel that money should go to bm or sk's, I make sure that goes to bd's needs.
Sorry so long and rambling.....I am just so ticked off that bm is doing this, she is truly hurting sd's and dh.
Any suggestions would be greatly appreciated.
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IDK, I'm kina just thinking
IDK, I'm kina just thinking what the big deal is, considering its just a lunch. I get that its the principle, but in the end if noone makes this kid a sandwich they won't have anything for lunch, KWIM?
Sometimes you have to learn which battles are worth fighting, JMHO.
We agreed to provide the
We agreed to provide the skids with lunch money this quarter and it's the BM's job to provide it for the next quarter. We'll see how this works out, but ultimately, you can't let the kids go without any lunch. I know we will have issues when it's BM's turn to pay, but how can we say "no" to the skids when they're with us and on their way to school and they tell us they have no lunch money left in their account. What makes me mad is that BM COUNTS on this happening. She KNOWS we'll pay, and so that frees up her money for whatever she wants. It sucks, but what can you do?
**my stepdaughters did not grow in my tummy, they grew in my heart**
Honestly, I thought that as
Honestly, I thought that as well, but it is two children and we already provide them breakfast and then lunch, it may not seem like alot but it adds up along with the 30 minute round trip. And he does not bring home that much money we still have to provide them clothing and neccessities and hopefully have some money to be able to do things with them.And they are getting to the age of braces which will be 60% of the total cost. How are we going to be able to afford to feed them if we are driving them back and forth and paying for braces for both girls?
And if we let her just tell us what we need to provide for then where will it stop, what will she decide we need to pay for next? She has already tried to get us to buy clothes for her home. I am just worried if we don't stand up somewhere and just keep giving in then dh won't even have a paycheck and I will be the one left paying all of the bills and providing for sd's when they are with us. We bought them school shoes and she refused to send them, stating they are only for school, she doesn't want them dirty, she sent them in sandals. And we are the ones that purchased them. She sends them is summer clothes in the winter and we purchase them nice clothes for our home. Sorry rambling again.
...the way I see it, you can either run from it, or learn from it. - The Lion King
You need to draw a line but
You need to draw a line but I don't think this is the place to do it.
Believe me, I know where
Believe me, I know where you're coming from on this. DH paid for ALL of SD's school lunches because BM refused to contribute (they had 50/50 custody). Not a penny. SD would have NO money in her account and BM would just send her to school anyway. The school would allow SD to "overdraw" her account, and daddy would give her a check. It was TOTALLY frustrating to me. I felt that if DH would just put his foot down, BM would give in. But he would not. So I commend your DH for putting his foot down.
I'm not sure about CS covering school lunches. DH's divorce decree is unclear on this, saying DH will pay half of all educational expenses. I don't know if lunch AT SCHOOL qualifies as an educational expense. Luckily, BM actually decided to step up to the plate (now that SD is 16) and pay for lunch herself (SD lives with her now).
Bm has residential custody
Bm has residential custody and DH has the girls every Wednesday and every other weekend. I have read somethings that say it is included in the cs and others are very unclear. BM in our case doesn't discuss things with DH, she makes a decision and then tells him how it is going to be. I have a major problem with that type of communication. If BM was struggling financially I wouldn't so much have a problem with it, but when they can afford to drink every night and party on the weekends, buy two new vehicles and a camper and a derby car, then I think that with dh's cs too, she should have the money to provide school lunches and that is apart of their daily needs.
...the way I see it, you can either run from it, or learn from it. - The Lion King
she has the money she just
she has the money she just like to piss you guys off.
and now she knows she has.
I completely get how you
I completely get how you feel. I get no money or support for my BS. ExH is SUPPOSED to pay things, but he doesn't. And my son can't go without just because his dad doesn't pay for what he is supposed to. Fair, NO! But its reality. I can't let BS starve just to prove a point. Either way, you guys will come out to be the bad guy, KWIM?
Yeah it seems to be we are
Yeah it seems to be we are always the bad guys, we don't talk about bm to the kids and we try our hardest to keep them out of visitation and financial disagreements. BM doesn't do that and very freely talks my dh and myself down.
My dh had previously taken care of lunches before cs was set in place, bm never had to pay, but now that cs is set in place and bm and her husband make good money they do not qualify for free or reduced lunches. And BM is mad because she has to take care of it which she did since school started which was August here, and now all of the sudden she just decided that dh had to start doing this. She can't just work with him she always has to cause some drama, and I am not a drama person, it hurts the kids so much.
...the way I see it, you can either run from it, or learn from it. - The Lion King
It's to bad that you guys
It's to bad that you guys can't get receipts to bring to court to show that even though your paying CS and the school lunches should be part of the CS she receives that you guys have had to also provide the kids with lunch money as well.
I haven't read all of the
I haven't read all of the responses so I might have missed something, but according to the decree is Wed. evening included in the visitation? If it is, she cannot withold visitation on these days, she will be in contempt. Also, the ONLY thing your DH is responsible for paying is the court ordered Child support and whatever portion of the medical expenses thats listed in the decree. If the CP wants anything above and beyond the CS, it has to be spelled out in the court papers, otherwise it is assumed that CS will cover these expenses.
___________________________________________________________________________
“Unless commitment is made, there are only promises and hopes; but no plans.”
i don't think that she was
i don't think that she was going to withhold visits, she just isn't sending them with food for the next days lunch.
School lunches are included
School lunches are included but I think that this is a silly fight. I know that you need to stand up to her at some point I just don't think this is it.
BM started the pettiness when she refused to send the lunches with the kids. But don't continue it, I would just say "after much consideration, this lunch thing is extremely petty and not worth any more thought or talk. If you can't afford to provide food for the child, even after the CS, we will supply a healthy lunch for them on Thursdays. Ultimately, WE do what is best for the children."
CS includes school lunches.
CS includes school lunches. BM knows it (unless she has the intellectual ability of an Amoeba) and she is manipulating and perpetrating PAS to incredibly ridiculous levels.
To address this I would give the Skid lunch money on the day DH drops her off at school. Or, he can go in and prepay on those days so the Skid can eat. Or you could just prepay for that day the entire year and set it up with the lunch room that it is only for Thursdays.
This is one of those things that should be a non-issue but since BM is making it an issue solve the problem in the way that is the biggest pain in the ass for her. If she packs lunches for he Skids they will love Dad days because they get to eat from the lunch room menu. Tell the kids it is a special thing that Daddy does for them and let BM deal with the "why can't we buy lunch at school when we are with you?" crap from the Skids.
I love it when my SS's BioDad or SpermGrandMa decide they want to step in to the stupid decision shitstorm and attempt to manipulate the Judgement of conveniently forget some component of it. I roll up the Judgement and beat them about the head and shoulders with it (figuratively of course) until they crawl back in to their toothless moron holes.
I look at baring the SpermClan's moron asses as a sport. And I have gotten very, very good at it over the past 15yrs. To the point that when our Son (my SS) ages out from under the visitation component of the Judgement in 302 days I am going to miss their dipshit calls and dragging them through the toothless moron ringer. But not enough not to celebrate very boisterously and publicly my Son's emancipation from having to spend time with the assholes. The fun part will be when they realize that CS will continue for three more years while SS is in college. That will put them in to toothless idiot apoplexy. }:)
Best regards,
Success is rarely final. Failure is rarely fatal. It is character, courage and consistency of effort that count. Vince Lombardi (with some minor Rags modifications) To each according to their performance, screw Karl Marx. (Rags)
Cru--thanks for pointing
Cru--thanks for pointing that out. I thnk a lot of people misunderstand CS. It is based on YEAR ROUND so they pay 12 months a year. They calculate how many days A YEAR NCP has the child...then figure the percentage of CS. Then divide it by 12....it is like a payment system.
UPDATE..... I have decided
UPDATE..... I have decided to back out of it and let dh decide what he feels is best, and I will live with it.
Thanks for everyones input!!!
...the way I see it, you can either run from it, or learn from it. - The Lion King