More in-law manipulation
Things have been blissfully quiet on the western front, but then a new situation popped up and is stressing out my DH and me! A brief recap: DH has two kids, SD 20 and SS 16 who live with BM in another state. I have 3 controlling SILS who can't live without their slave and baby boy, er, I mean DH. MIL is a case but likes me. SILS were jealous and against our marriage from day one. They are 1. long divorced. 2. spinster 3. sports widow. They are unhappy and have a closed family system like stepaside talked about.
SD's baby, GSKID, is soon to be 1. We are going to that state a few months because my DD is having a baby and we will also visit DH's family. Tickets are booked and paid for.
Well, SD, MIL, and SILS got it into their heads that they need a DH-fix NOW as they put it. So they've been trying to get him to go up there now--SIL2 said she would pay for HIS ticket. They discussed this among themselves and popped it on DH without even asking him if he wanted to go.
He doesn't want to go, although he misses his kids, and certainly doesn't want to go without me. He didn't tell me about it for a couple of days cause he knew I would feel slighted. We can't afford to go right now, I certainly don't want to strain our budget or go into debt for a weekend jaunt when we are going in a couple of months! And I do resent them wanting to get him up there alone, like I am just the girl he lives with. He says he will tell SIL that she needs to pay for both of us because he is not going anywhere without me. He is so stressed out over this, feeling guilty and angry both.
They are such jerks.
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They ARE jerks!
Tell DH not to feel guilty because he has nothing to feel guilty about. He told them the right thing. He SHOULDN'T go there without you, whether they're paying the ticket or not, and should tell his family that as it is a family visit and his wife IS FAMILY, that he will not be visiting them without you. They are adults and can certainly wait for a couple of months. If they need a 'fix', they always have the telephone!
thanks for your comment
What is funny is, he only talks to MIL on a regular basis. He calls her daily because she is in poor health. His sisters RARELY call, maybe once every six months. They were like that when we lived there, all this talk of "love" but never any action. They wanted him to come to "them."
One SIL never came to our house, another came once, the third, several times. In over two years!
His kids aren't very good about contact either, unless there is an emergency. He calls them a couple times a week. I tell him that is typical but actually I hurt for him. The whole bunch is very selfish!
The I-L manipulation and drama is enough to piss off the Pontiff
I have struggled with it for a decade and a half ...... so far. But, I finally learned that if I surprise my Wife with tickets to go visit her family once or twice a year then I can get by with only going for a holiday once every 2-3 years.
They are not bad people just incapable of making a good decision if you beat them over the head with the right answer. Nice people though they are ....... a little goes a long, long, long way.
Don't let them manipulate you.
Best regards,
Success is rarely final. Failure is rarely fatal. It is character, courage and consistency of effort that count. Vince Lombardi (with some minor Rags modifications) To each according to their performance, screw Karl Marx. (Rags)
Rags
I don't mind the idea of him visiting his family--even without me. What bothers us is the back-dooring and making plans without even asking DH if he wants to come. Then they act hurt and insulted that he didn't jump on it! I swear, they treat him like a child. And he's the most accomplished and mature one in the family.
My I-Ls are pretty much
My I-Ls are pretty much unaccomplished bottom 10%ers.
My wife is the only thing of quality to come out of that family in multiple generations. Interestingly they (the I-Ls) are still hung up on my wife being a single Mom at 16 and are completely incapable of comprehending her accomplishments since. My Wife graduated on time with her HS class, completed a BS, MBA and is a CPA.
They all treat her like a naive little city girl. They have no idea how wrong they are.
Not to be disrespectful to the I-Ls but ...... you can't fix poor judgement and an inherent inability to make a decent decision.
I am proud to say that my Wife has to be a genetic mutation because there is no other possible explanation that makes sense.
Best regards,
Success is rarely final. Failure is rarely fatal. It is character, courage and consistency of effort that count. Vince Lombardi (with some minor Rags modifications) To each according to their performance, screw Karl Marx. (Rags)