Hardest blog ever for me but I'm hoping to get some sort of healing with it...
and some comments/advice from my fellow steptalkers!
This is about BM's physical attack/assault on me and then on my boyfriend.
So here is how it went.
It was the evening, around 7:30 and it had been a hard day.
BM had been calling all day and evening, arguing with bf about just about everything.
At that time, we had the kids 50/50 with her but she was never holding her end of the deal.
The last call bf got was particularly disturbing; she was saying to bf " You can keep the kids, i'm just going to go hang myself..."
It was not the first time she threatened to kill herself so we didn't make much of it.
The phone calls stopped.
About 25 minutes later, I'm on the phone with my sister and I hear some noise outside...
I look out the window and see BM's parents car...
I'm like -What the hell this time?-
I tell my sis i'll call her back cause someone is here.
I thought it was BM's parents cause that was their car.
At this moment, Bf is in the shower and the kids are in bed for the night.
I walk out of the garage and open the door to find BM pounding on my car and scratching evil words on my hood.
I say " what the hell are you doing?"
She then quickly walks straight up to me and punches me right in the face!
I was so taken by surprise, I couldn't believe what was happening!!
She then grabs me by the hair and starts pulling at me, trying to hit me some more, screaming all kinds of nasty things...she was so out of it she was actually drooling !
I proceeded to grab her and throw her on the ground and restrain her to avoid any more injuries.
Unfortunetly she still had a grab of me by the hair and was ripping it out of my head frantically, trying desperatly to throw some more punches at me.
I held her there, trying to think how the hell to get out of this position, knowing that if I let go, she will go at it again.
She was screaming and saying the nastiest things ever.
All of a sudden the garage door opens and bf storms out screaming:"What the fu@k is going on here?"
I said:" She was vandalizing my car and then attacked me! Grab her cause I wannna get out of this position"
Just so you know, it was winter and we were in the snow bank at this point.
Bf grabbed her and I got up and ran into the house...
My main concern at this point was...are the kids seeing and hearing this?
I ran up the stairs to go check on them.
They had gotten up but stayed in their room, had turned on the lights and were just sitting there on their bed.
I said:"Is everything ok up here?"
SD: "We can hear some noise outside, what's going on? Is daddy having a cigarette outside?"
Me: "Yeah he is and I was out there with him for a bit....ok you need to get back to bed now and get some rest."
I was shaking and out of breath.
SD: "ok, but why are you full of snow?"
I'm thinking; Shit! I must look like a wreck!
Me:"oh, daddy was fooling around outside and threw some snow at me, isn't that funny?"
Kids: "ha ha, yeah that's funny...ok,goodnight, are you coming back in the house now?"
Me: "Don't worry, i'm right downstrairs, go back to sleep now"
I made sure they were back down and then came back downstrairs and went to the garage door to see what the hell was happening.
She was now attacking bf; kicking and punching him, going at my car again, screaming like a mad woman.
BF was in his boxers and socks, running after her trying to get things under control.
She attacked him again.
I said to bf :"I'm calling the cops"
I went inside and called the cops.
While on the phone with cops, I went to check on the kids again and they were back to sleep -Thank God-
It took the cops about 10-15 minutes to get here (we live in the booneys).
While we were waiting for the cops, you should have seen and heard BM....
Man, it was scary...she was OUT OF CONTROL.
At one point, she got into her car and was trying/faking to run over BF.
Two cop cars arrived and they proceeded to try and arrest her....... GOOD LUCK!
She put up a nasty fight, punching and screaming at them, even breaking one of the cops eye glasses.
Finally it took 3 cop cars and four officers to get her down and in the police car.
Last thing she said to me: "I SWEAR I'M GONNA MAKE YOUR LIFE A LIVING HELL, WATCH YOUR BACK, I'M GONNA GET YOU!"
When I looked at myself in the mirror, I looked like I had gone on a parachute jump and landed in some trees!
All scratched up and chunks of hair missing everywhere.
We gave our statements to cops, they took pictures, gave us some paperwork and left.
She spent the night in prison and they towed her parents car away.
I can't begin to express the extent of the damage that incident caused me and my BF.
And also SD...because believe it or not, BM actually went and CONFESSED to her daughter about everything she did that night!!!!
SS was too young to understand anything at that time, he was 4.
But SD was 9, and she was traumatized when her mom told her this. She was so sad and crushed and ashamed that her mom did this.
What a dumb, stupid, idiot she is!
SD could have never found out about this if she would have shut up and it would have avoided any further damage.
To top it off, I looked a liar to my SD's eyes because the next day, when SD saw my car and the obvious damage done, I made up a story (not wanting her to know her mom actually did this) I told her that it was someone in a parking lot somewhere that had done this and that it was nothing for her to worry about.
Anyways, I was in therapy for 6 months after this.
I had post traumatic stress and had become super paranoid...I was always looking out the windows, locking the doors, turning out the lights so I could see outside, afraid to open the garage door, flashbacks and TONS of anger I didn't know how to deal with.
BF never went to therapy, he lived about the same symptoms as me but chose to try and heal by himself.
I was so screwd up after this, when came time to settle the court issues, I took a short cut to get it over with and avoid having to deal with going to court and all that crap.
Today, I regret that choice because we are now trying to proove she is not "fit" and if I would have went through it would help us today.
She was charged with 3 assaults ( one of them being a police officer) and mischief for what she did with my car.
She only pleaded guilty to my assault charge and the mischief.
the other two assault charges were dropped.
I chose to settle out of court, not having the strength to go through with everything.
She got a restraining order for 1 year and had to pay me $500 for my car...I have to say, there was $2000.00 worth of damage done.
Ever since, she has kept her promise to "MAKE MY LIFE A LIVING HELL" and also the life of everybody else around.
SD11 has been refusing to see her mom for a year now and BM still asks: "Why? I don't understand!? "
She is sick and twisted and evil and does everything in her power to destroy my relationship with BF and continues to damage her relationship with her kids in the process.
Both kids now live with us full time, she sees SS6 two weekends a month and SD11 occasionaly (SD hardly ever goes and never stays over night).
We are going to court again with her in a few weeks because she wants to have her son 3 weekends a month...(see past blogs for more info if you want)
OK, I guess that's enough for now,
It feels so weird to talk about this and actually write everything down (the incident anyways)...
I am hoping this will bring me some sense of healing and maybe useful comments from my fellow Steptalkers!!
Still standing strong,(or I like to think I am )
Chaotic
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Comments
WOW
You are an incredible woman to have gone through so much and still be so strong. Much Love!
P.S. She's a nut job!!!
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Any idiot can face a crisis - it's day to day living that wears you out.
Anton Chekhov
That is crazy! You are such
That is crazy! You are such a strong woman! Thank you for posting this, I know it was hard but it shows me that if you get get though this I can too.
That is crazy! You are such
That is crazy! You are such a strong woman! Thank you for posting this, I know it was hard but it shows me that if you get get though this I can too.
That is crazy! You are such
That is crazy! You are such a strong woman! Thank you for posting this, I know it was hard but it shows me that if you get get though this I can too.
That is crazy! You are such
That is crazy! You are such a strong woman! Thank you for posting this, I know it was hard but it shows me that if you get get though this I can too.
That is crazy! You are such
That is crazy! You are such a strong woman! Thank you for posting this, I know it was hard but it shows me that if you get get though this I can too.
hugs to you
My BM was physical with both DH and SD before the divorce, and she and SD had a few physical minor altercations after the divorce, but she is afraid of DH and cannot stand to see that I exist in person. But I used to worry she would break with reality because of her verbal attacks on the phone to DH, as well as somethings she did face to face to her then Fiance's exW. At one point I even let my oldest BS know if anything ever happened that he felt scared involving BM that he knew he could call 911.
The biggest thing that worried me was her on again off again BF who was obsessed with her and she would see both he and now exF behind each other's backs. He is a Nat'l Guard guy, and a disturbing love dejected letter he wrote her once came into our hands (in a box of photos BM gave her sister so DH wouldn't get them. He was so obsessed that during the custody case I feared what he might do to show his devotion.
So though I understand how it feels to be looking over your shoulder a bit, I cannot imagine having such a valid reason as yours. How horrible.
I'm sure your SD is able to understand why you didn't tell her that her mother hurt you and your car. Obviously you were better than many of us could have been at putting your SKs first in that situation. I'm afraid I would have beat the hell out of BM, then called 911 without ever giving her well being or the SKids status a second thought.
OH- except I think if I saw BM outside defacing my car I woulda quietly shut the door to the house and called the cops without engaging her attention.
We all think we know what we'd do though, don't we.
I'm not sure how to help you, it sounds as though you're doing all that you can to recover from that traumatic experience.
HUGS again and again and again.
"Parental love is unconditional, relationships are reciprocal." ~Zen
Sita
Thanks for your comments and believe me, it took everything I had in me to NOT beat the crap out of her that night during the incident, and many times after !
She continues relentlessly to try and screw up our lives and you wouldn't believe the stories I have.
I just try and tap myself on the shoulder once and a while for being able to stay composed and calm on the surface.
She really brings out the worst in me, I didn't even know someone could actually feel as much anger as I did and still do sometimes.
Hugs and thanks
Chaotic
(((HUGS)))
My skids have a damaged relationship with their BM as well because of her actions. They used to live with her and we had EOW visitation, but due to her severe PAS tactics, the tables have turned and they now live with us. They are doing SO much better, and with the help of their wonderful therapist, have begun to see right through BM's actions. They never thought she was capable of causing such pain. After all, who wants to think/admit that their own mom is capable of wreaking such havoc in people's lives? They don't want to see BM because they know she will just give them no attention at all. They're starting to see that she used them as paychecks. On her weekends, she just pawns them off to her folks, which is probably better anyway, because the SDs love them to pieces (it's mutual!) and her parents are nice people who are pretty ashamed of her. BM has never attacked me physically, but she has attacked DH physically. She hasn't gotten physical with the SDs, but when she had custody of them, she didn't feed them properly. They were also filthy all the time. I had to teach them how to brush their hair every time they came over.
(((HUGS))) to you and skids. They're so lucky to have you and their dad. You're a very strong woman!
Anon
Thank you so much and yes a therapist for the kids is really helpful; SD has been seeing a child psychologist for a year now and it has helped her/us to a certain extent.
I wish we had a good relationship with BM's parents because I know they love their grandchildren alot and don't get to see them as often as they would like, especially SD who hardly ever goes to her mom's anymore.
Too bad my BF and them can't seem to get along, I think it is very dificult for BF to not lash out at them after all these years because they are protecting their daughter(BM) by denying she is sick and needs help and they just keep enabling her to continu her bulls@it with everybody including them!
Thanks again for your support and your skids are lucky to have you too!
Chaotic
So awful
OMG that is the worst BM story I have ever heard-!!!!! It must be terrible to have the reactions from such a whacked out incident. She is clearly mental and I hope she ends up in jail for this!!! I know, but if she ever tries again!!!!! So sorry honey, HUGS
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Age cannot wither her, nor custom stale
Her infinite variety.
William Shakespeare, "Antony and Cleopatra", Act 2 scene 2Chaotic
As everyone else has said... you are a very very strong woman! I read this and feel like a dope... my issues are small potatoes compared to that crap!! I hope you can stay strong and realize that you are doing the best thing for yourself, your DH and those kids. They are all lucky to have you. BM is definitely ill and needs some help. Hopefully it will be court ordered!!
I'm glad you are allowing SD to not see her mom. That is truly the best choice. That woman would do irreparable damage to that poor little girl, in addition to just probably scaring the sh*t out of her!!
** Hugs girl **
*** A rainbow just threw up on me... and now I'm sh*tting glitter! ***
Stick
So funny, just as i finished my comment to your blog, i went on my blog and read your comment, we were writing to each other at the same time
Listen, don't feel dope, your issues are NOT less than anybody's and what you are doing with your SD is so very important and will affect so much in her present and futur life.
You are doing great and are very strong too!!
My god we seem to have alot in common...
Chaotic
Psycho!
Holy cow. What a nut job. Can you get copies of the photos that the cops took and a copy of the complaint against her? Will help with the court case to show that she's unfit - because that's the least I would call her. Psycho is more like it. She needs some serious help. I commend you for keeping the kids calm while all the drama was going on outside. You're a hero for those 2 kids. And BM should be kissing your ass for it, not f'ing up your car. What a beotch!
Wow....
is all that I can say! Thank you for being brave enough to share your story with us!
I'll second
the sentiments already expressed to you, Chaotic. It's astonishing to me that someone would behave that way, especially towards someone who obviously loves and cares for her children! You don't deserve that kind of treatment. I wish I had your strength. But I'm sending you my support and positive thoughts. I hope this issue with the BM can be resolved as soon as possible for you and your family.
nomorefaking, pafreema, Selkie
Thank you so much for your kind words and support, it means the world to me and gives me strength to carry on, I feel like you have my back and understand better than anyone i've shared this with (I hardly ever talk about it, it's very disturbing for me and brings me back to a place I don't like going in my mind)
Again, thank you thank you thank you for understanding and caring and taking the time to drop me a line.
Hugs
Chaotic
OH MY GOD
I can't even believe this woman! Like everyone, I am filled with admiration for you. You handled this crazy, crazy, crazy situation so well. Big hugs to you. Wow, I am just blown away by this. What a crazy nut job! You have a lot of courage to share this and I think you are amazing. I'm so sorry that this happened as this should never happen to any one. You have had to deal with the craziest BM I have ever read on here and it's incredible that you are willing to go through this kind of thing in order to be with your DH. I think the incredible thing that shows what a great step-mom you are is that your first instinct was to go check on the skids and make sure they were protected from the scary craziness, that was just incredible and kudos to you. Those kids are very lucky to have you, especially given that their mom is a crazy psycho!
Just wanted to add to everyone else's posts. You handled this so well, and i'm so sorry you had to go through this!
"The truth shall set you free." ~John 8:32
Stepmadre!!
(( HUGS!!))
Thank you so much, you just made me feel so much better and this support is so incredibly important and as I was hoping, it is helping me heal in many ways.
I still have to deal with alot of pain and rebounds from that event(you can imagine the tension it created between me and BM and howw me and BF were stressed out) but believe it or not....
I actually tried to make things better with her after this (a few months later) and I called her and tried to have a dialogue with her; I did this for the sake of the skids (don't ask me how i did it but i did) because I am sure they could somehow sense the tension and SD knew about the story anyways so I tried and ...
Didn't work!
She is just not showing any good will whatsoever and continues still to this day to blame me for everything wrong in her life, even though I have tried to be there for her and actually help her.
I now know that it is totally useless and if I ever try to talk to her, it just feeds her and gives her more amunition that she eventually twists around and uses against me.
Weird and totally crazy all this...you try to be good and actually make amends with your attacker and they make it even worse and try to make you look like the bad person in all this...
Hugs and thanks again!!
This is precious advice and comments for me.
Chaotic
Wow... what a traumatic
Wow... what a traumatic experience. Maybe talking/ writing about it is just what you need. I know I always feel better after a good spew on our website here.
I wish you all the luck in the world, thank you for sharing your story. I am sure that your experience will help someone in some amazing way, if it hasn't already.
(((HUGS)))
DISbelief~
~You have to BE crazy to UNDERSTAND crazy!~ ; )
DISbelief, Thank you for
DISbelief,
Thank you for your comment, yes it has helped me to finaly write this down and feel like I am truly understood and supported without feeling like a "burden" on anybody. This was hard for me to do and I truly hope it can somehow be constructive for anyone out there reading this.
Again thanks and hugs
Chaotic