Hello all! I'm new to this site and this place is perfect for me. A little about myself:
Me: 36 years old, divorced with no children...well, a 15 yr old cat (she counts!)
My boyfriend: 37 years old, divorced with one child (has joint custody)
SD: an 8 year old princess with issues (gag!)

When my BF and I met, it was 4 years old and we lived separately. We had it good. I didn't know his daughter for those years and when his weekends came up, he spent time with her and I did my own thing. When he didn't have her, we spent our time as a child-free couple. We went out with friends, we went out to dinner and movies, we had a grand ol' time. We decided to move in together and before we did, we set up a meeting between his daughter and I last summer (we moved in together last fall). I'll come back to this.

Since I don't have kids, I didn't know what to expect. I really never wanted children because my ex-husband was a child himself. He came from a VERY dysfunctional family and was reliving his lost childhood with me. He was verbally and emotionally abusive towards me and after 10 years of marriage (I married young), I decided to walk away. Luckily, I had and still have awesome family and friends that saw me through it. I met my BF a few years ago and he came from a very similar relationship where his ex-wife was the abuser (verbally/emotionally). We made an instant connection. I was hesitant though because he has a child and I wasn't sure if I wanted to take on the role of step-mom. But, stupid me, I thought to myself "How hard can it be?" ...Boy, was I wrong (and stupid).

Back to the meeting, which by the way, went well. I thought, "Hey, she's a great kid!" She was ok with us moving in together and we all looked forward to the future. My BF and I moved in and we have her EOW (for the most part), a few days during the Christmas holiday and part of spring break. Sounds cool, right? Not too much time with her and we get more alone time with ourselves. Not the case at all. BM manipulates the schedule to her liking and when BF and I want to have a weekend to do something, it's always a big NO. It's rare the EOW thing stays consistant. We now can not make plans because BM changes them for us. She tells us last minute details and more times than not, she forgets and my BF gets yelled at over the phone for not being on top of things. We're not mind-readers, but I guess she thinks we are. I just chalk it up to her being an angry bitch all the time. I know for a fact she's furious that he's moved on and she can not find a partner to save her life. I've been told that she only has one or two dates and the men never call her back. Wow, I'm not surprised. Anyhow, I've tried to convince BF to talk with her about these issues and he will not. He feels guilty leaving his daughter and does not want to rock the boat with BM. He'd rather her be happy than me be upset for way things are going. He will not communicate with her unless she calls (and when she does, she always yelling). Ugh...

Now, the SD. She was a sweet kid...in the beginning. A year later, the honeymoon phase is now over. We had a fabulous time this time last year but as time when on, I could see her real personality start coming out and it is not pretty. She's a lazy, boring child. Nothing excites her because she's been so spoiled all her life. She basically has no personality to speak of. She has to be told what to do and BF has to tell her the steps on how to do it. For example, when she finishes her dinner, if she is told to put away her placement of the table, she then ONLY puts away her plate in the sink. Her dirty fork, napkin, glass and placemat are left on the table. BF has to then tell her to put away EVERYTHING. I can see if this happens once or twice, but it's ALL THE TIME. Same with her room cleaning, picking up after herself, washing hands after using the bathroom, etc. Again, ugh! And on top of that, BM is molding her to become a Stepford child. Her actions and words seemed to be programmed and rehearsed. It's been creeping me out a bit lately. She just doesn't seem genuine to me. She's been caught lately doing stuff she not supposed to do and when she's reprimanded (by BF, not me), she appears to have no empathy or remorse whatsoever. She's just sorry she got caught and her apologies are not sincere.

BF and I came up with the discipline routine before we moved in together and he proclaimed he would do it (thank goodness!). He basically let me disengage from her, which suits me just fine. All I am to be to her is a friend, that's what he told me. I can handle that! BUT, she knows this and does anything and everything she can to act up and misbehave with me, knowing full well there's nothing I can do about it. Talk about PUSHING boundaries and buttons! I nip that stuff in the bud, right away though. I then become the snitch. It's sad because all I have to report back to BF about her is bad behavior. Luckily, it doesn't happen a lot, he and I have weekends off from work so he's here while she's here. The times when she does act up is when he leaves us alone for a short period of time (i.e. he takes a nap, goes to the store, etc.).
Other than that, I can truly say that I do not have a hand in raising her and that's fine by me.

Well folks, in a nutshell this is my life so far. Sorry this is so long but I needed to say this. I've been lurking around this site for a couple of days and have wanted to comment on a few things but I feel that I better reveal myself first. Thank you all for listening while I've ranted. It's refreshing to know that I'm not the only one out there who is going through stuff like this and it feels like a weight has lifted off of my chest... for now.