Dicipline sucks!
Ok, so why is it when I mention to take away priviledges, that BF says "How about instead of that... lets give them rewards for NOT behaving badly"
Uh, ......... Ok...... I can agree with that.... but....
So I ask, "ok, what if they DO break a rule?"
BF, "Give them a lesser reward!"
Did I just fall off a turnip truck???
Ok, I know he is guilt parenting. I have no qualms what so ever about taking things away from my kids. I have thrown away favorite toys for them being on the floor after I told them to pick them up. I have stepped on precious collectibles because, yup, you guessed it, they were on the floor. They were NOT replaced. Now, I also divorced my BDs father, but I feel FAR from guilty about it. I know my daughter's lives are better off! So is my life and probably my EX's!
BF talks about how it was not their fault... ok, true...
That his daughter's happiness comes first... uh, what about his son, what about that she may not always be happy?
SS12 is indulged as well though. Not to the extent of SD10, but more like, "do what you want son, just stay out of my hair and let me do more things with your sister"
Ok, that may be a little out there, but this is venting right?
SS12 is in his room all the time with the TV on and playing games on his computer. BF over the summer was like "only 2 hours of gaming per day son" Ok, so he is at work, so am I ... son does what he wants, BF says "what can I do about the fact that he won't listen?"
:jawdrop:
I love that he loves his kids... and wants them to be happy... but setting some limits will make them happier!!!!
AAARRRRRGGGG!!!!! wish I could actually scream, but I am at work.
Once again... the counselor has asked him to come in and talk... we will see if that will happen....
I have so just wondered if I could just say to BF... ya know, do what you want... but when you son ends up selling drugs instead of trading video games... and your daughter is sleeping with anything that will let her.... DON'T BLAME ME!
The thing is though, then I have to explain to my children why they live in such a double standard.
- Freedom2005's blog
- Log in or register to post comments
Comments
What are they thinking
You are in a tough spot with having your own kids witness this but - I would still instill your values in them at least, regardless of what the others get away with. Dh is hurting his kids by not expecting more of them, and he and they will have to deal with the results.
Age cannot wither her, nor custom stale
Her infinite variety.
William Shakespeare, "Antony and Cleopatra", Act 2 scene 2Positive Reinforcement
Positive Reinforcement is when you reward them for doing something good and ignore or don't reward the Negative Behavior. They don't get a lesser reward. My DH (who is a guilty parent) tried this too. It didn't work. WTF? Rewards? I didn't get rewards for being good. I did what I was supposed to and listened to and respected ALL adults or I was in TROUBLE. I don't get the guilty parenting, they are just setting their children up for failure. You are in a tough spot.
THIS I agree with!
This is positive reinforcement... this is getting for doing good...
Discipline is concequences for doing something wrong!!!
I was reading part of "the totaltransformation" and it used things like this, as well as for also breaking rules!
BF thinks this is too complicated.... well, actually he said that for the breaking rules it is too complicated, then turned around and said... well for the good things they do we can have them put an x on something...
Huh???? He is to lazy to put in an X for bad behavior... but wants to keep track of good behavior..
:sigh:
Oh, but when my kids act up.... or his son.... we need to take care of it.
Blah.....!!!
No Effing Way
This may sound strong, but this kind of "parenting" without any rules or negative consequences is child abuse. What is the point of a rule if it isn't followed or enforced? Your stepkids will have NO clue how to cope with the real world and will probably have to rely on their father for a good part of their young adult life. On the plus side it will probably drive your own kids to want to do more with their lives when they see their siblings failing so bad, but it will also probably cause them some resentment towards you and your husband.
Your husband needs to grow up himself and realize that he is not responsible for making his kids happy all the time, he is responsible for their well-being and for preparing them for life. Sometimes you have to make your children unhappy with consequences so that they can learn how to achieve their own happiness later in life. You can't be a parent and a friend until the kid is an adult.
If the son doesn't stop playing video games, take the games away.
Not Strong, I AGREE!
Ya know, so many people it seems are afraid to show their kids the real world. The parenting books I have read, the counselors I have talked to all agree... NOW is the time to teach them how the real world works because the price is SMALLER.
If I step on a toy, it is a toy... what about when you leave your DVD player on the floor later in life... or all your DVDs and someone comes over.... they step on them... who's fault is it?
Well, live in my house and if it is SD10s, it is your fault, not hers...
Well, you get the idea.
Yes Astra you are right.... not strong at all... sounds like good parenting to me.
Hear Hear!!
positive reinforcement
only leads to screwed up adults in the workplace that feel they are entitled to every little pat on the back just for doing their job....I should know, I work with several of them!