A little background--DH and I, married 2 years, moved far far away from BM, SKS and in-laws due to a lot of reasons. One benefit of our move is freedom from the drama cycle that we used to experience. Every week someone was acting up or had an "emergency."

SD, 20, has been troubled for years. I think (and now DH does too) that she is bi-polar. She has a very aggressive temper and has been arrested more than once for fighting. She has wrecked a couple of cars, drunk. Having a baby last year calmed her down--I thought--she was nice to me when we visited and seemed much happier in general taking care of her lovely baby. She still lives at home with BM.

SS, 16, got in trouble over the past couple of years for truancy, drugs and drinking. But he changed schools, is working and seems to be getting his act together.

BM is a very lax mother and the kids basically run the house. They party right there and for a while, random strays would crash on the floor. The place is a mess. BM does not do any house chores. Garbage and trash piles to the skies in the cellar and garage. BM also cuts DH out of the loop, does not make any attempt to keep the relationship between the kids and DH going--it's all up to him. For example, he always drove there to see them when we were close by.

Well, at 1 a.m. this morning, DH got a call from SS saying that SD is verbally abusing him. She used to verbally abuse DH, calling him sperm donor and saying she wished he had died, not her uncle. She gets incredibly nasty at the drop of a hat.

SS was crying. He wants to visit DH--he misses him--but of course we really have no money for a plane ticket right now, at short notice. In the past, SS said he wanted to live with DH but always backed off, saying he couldn't leave his "friends." I think he also feels torn between BM and DH--typical black and white thinking, not seeing that he can be with both and it would be OK.

DH also found out that SS is responsible for ALL the heavy house chores that he used to do. I think he should help, but she is just SO lazy, and so is SD. (although SD cleans)

DH is going to talk to BM about the situation. He doesn't have much confidence that she will do anything about SD. I think she needs treatment. She will likely destroy all relationships in her life, and may damage her child emotionally.

Any insights/thoughts/experiences relevant to dealing with a young adult with bi-polar? Prayers welcome too--I can't help but feel bad for SD.