I apologize if this is difficult to read, when I get frustrated I get kind of scatter-brained. So a little back history...and this is from only what I know and have heard (I was not there for this first part). When BM and my BF divorced they both agreed they wanted Joint Custody, well (and this is where I don't know details) someone on BM's side...her, lawyer, i don't know who...told my BF he did not have to be present in court since they agreed on Joint. He was sitting outside the courtroom. Whoever told him this completely screwed him, b/c by not showing up in court he forfeited any rights to his child, and now BM has Sole legal and physical custody. I told him to find his papers b/c i am unsure what exactly was put in regarding visitation and CS. Fastfoward 2 1/2 years, my BF and I live together, we have Scooty (SD5) 2 or 3 nights a week depending on the week, and we pay CS to BM. My BF has said that before I even came along they had talked about wanting to have it changed to Joint, and I personally have been present for two talks that included both of them agreeing that Joint would be best for Scooty. My BF and I live in a 1 bedroom apartment and so we knew we wanted to wait until we had a better living situation. Well we found a 3 bedroom house and we are set to move in October. So we got in touch with BM about possibly starting the switch to Joint. And she sent back an email saying that she doesn't want Joint custody, that she wasn't comfortable with it, yada yada yada. We are sitting down with her tonight to see what she is uncomfortable with, the only thing we can think of is that my BF and I aren't married. (We are currently looking at rings, we just don't want to rush anything and become a statistic...if it's meant to be, why rush?) But if that's the problem then fine, i'll go to the courthouse next week and get married, whatever. Other than that we cannot think of a single thing she would have a problem with, Scooty is always very happy and affectionate when she is with us, she has never shown attitude or had a problem, and she and I have a very close and caring relationship (I love her, but I won't say or cross that bridge until she is ready).
So now we are faced with a possible custody battle (going to try and put a stop to that tonight). But if that doesn't happen I guess I'm looking for any advice possible. If BM has sole custody and doesn't want it changed and we decide to fight, is it possible that we can still get 50/50? If we can prove that this is a loving/safe home and that having a relationship with both mother and father is beneficial is it possible we can win? Any advice would be greatly appreciated, neither of us know where to start or what to expect when it comes to Custody battles. Thanks ST!