Lazy SD Princesses
I have two adult stepdaughters who live with me and a step grand daughter. One SD is almost 21 and the other SD is 24 with the 4 year old SGD. Anyhow, they are making my life miserable and doing all they can to try to get me to move out of my own house. The 24 year old SD has her RN Degree and the younger SD is a CNA. Neither of them work more than approximately 8 hours per month even though they should be working 40 hours a week and have their own place to live. I'm getting really sick of it. I work two jobs for a total of 60 hours per week, have my own business which adds on more hours, have my own kids to take care of and yet, I have to cook for these SD darlings, clean up after them, do their laundry, dishes, deliver their mail to their bedrooms and their laundry. They are just flat out lazy and refuse to help me out in any way. They constantly pull the belt off of the vacuum cleaner and then use that as their excuse to their Dad as to why they can't clean house. The oldest SD uses me as a babysitter every chance she gets so that she can go out and party as she pleases. I have had my fill of this. The Princesses treat their Dad and I like crap-with complete disprespect. The younger SD even went so far to say that we "owed" her and we had to take care of her because it was "our job". I say bull! She is lazy and just wants to play all of the time. It is time for the two Princesses to move out of my house and quit trying to push my buttons. The oldest SD even went so far to tell me that I have to ask her politely (if she is sitting in my recliner when I get home from work) if I may please have my recliner to sit it. Give me a break. She needs to move her lazy butt out of MY recliner when she hears my car pull into the driveway! Both SD's call me names to my face (I refer to the Princesses as "Vulgarians") and the oldest SD sat down with my son yesterday and informed him what a big "B****" his mother was. I am competely amazed. It is time for those SD's to go. I informed the two of them this morning via a note placed on each of their bedroom doors (as they slept in since they have nothing else to do) that they have two weeks to get out of my house. I am at my witts end. I have had it. They can go and live with their BM, grandfather, older brother, other sister or one of their friends. They don't need to be living with me. They are adults and it is time for them to grow up and act like adults. I'm not their mother, maid, cook, or babysitter and for this cycle to end they need to get out of my house because I like to have a clean, safe home to live in. Their Dad, of course, doesn't want to upset the Princesses and just wants everyone to "get along".
Comments
Good for you!
If you are asking for advice, I'd say you already know what to do! What did your DH say about it? (hopefully he agrees?)
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Age cannot wither her, nor custom stale
Her infinite variety.
William Shakespeare, "Antony and Cleopatra", Act 2 scene 2Lazy SD Princesses
Thank you. Yes, I know they need to move. While my DH agrees, he doesn't want to make any waves and I'm afraid making waves will be necessary to get those SD Princesses moving.
Make waves!
Those "girls" aren't going to leave, they aren't going to do ANYTHING unless you and your DH FORCE them to. Why should they? They have the easy life. Don't do anything more for them. No more laundry, no more meals, no more babysitting, N-O-T-H-I-N-G!! It is your house, not theirs. They are adults, and one of them has a child. High time they learned what being a grown up was all about.
Don't do one more thing for them - they are taking advantage of you, and you are giving them permission to do so by continuing to do everything for them.
Love me or hate me, I'm still gonna shine!!!
Waves, hell!
JamaicanMeCrazy
LIVE LOVE LAUGH
I wouldn't care if it created a tsunami if it meant getting their lazy butts outta my house! You have been the little princesses' doormat & maid way too long - don't give in on the two week notice or you will never get them out. Why can't these DH's (mine included) see that they aren't doing these "princesses" any favors by continuing to support them when they're adults? That's just crazy!
How did you get in this situation?
I don't do teen skids laudry, cook for them or anything. I am not a maid and certanily wouldn't babysit. I have a full time job. they are taking advantage of you and you are letting them. Write Dr. Phil and see what he says!
It sounds like they are making waves about leaving and your passive DH is trying to placate. So make bigger waves and let him try and placate you.
I would tell them they have two weeks to find a place to live. Of course, they'll do nothing. Then tell them they have two choices, either you'll pay first months rent and help them move or you are putting their stuff on the front lawn.
Then go get them an apartment (find some place cheap that only requires one month of rent to move in) and move their stuff out. Then change the locks and don't give them the key. If DH doesn't like it, tell him he can go move in with them. The girls are grown. You are not obligated to take care of them. It sounds like your husband is passive and more than likely will do nothing no matter what happens so take charge of the situation or you will be a doormat for the rest of your life.
"Evil Stepmothers aren't born, it comes with the territory"
Give them a date
I lived through a situation very similar to yours. I finally got so fed up that I gave the adult leeches two weeks to pack up and get out--that timeine was generous in my opinion.
I told DH that he could choose to stay in the house or leave with his adult children, but either way, they and all their stuff would be clear of our property on a specific date. They didn't pay rent, but I put my terms and the specific move out date in writing to them anyway.
They were informed that if they weren't out on date specific, I would call the police and have them physically removed (that's why it's good to have a wrtten notice to show the police when they arrive). I would then hire a dumpster for all their belongings and they would have one week to remove their belongings before the dumpster would go to the dump. Their mail would be returned to the post office unless they forwarded to their new address.
Oh the drama! Oh the tears! Oh the dirty looks! The adult princesses tried their best to get DH to overrule me. They regressed to childlike whining and crying. As the date grew closer, of course DH tried to "reason" with me to let them stay because I was being "so mean" and "didn't understand" that "they are just kids after all." But I held firm and always reminded him that he could leave right along with them.
The date came, and they were out--being helped by Dear Daddy of course. But DH stayed. I was the monster-of-the-year, but whatever, I held that honor before, too. Their stuff was eventually dumped because they didn't claim it. They have never been back.
Then a funny thing happened. DH admitted a few weeks later that the house was a much more relaxing, peaceful place now that the leeches were gone. He told me that he never wanted them back in the house.
Of course DH had to rely on me be the "bad guy" because he was too much of a spineless wimp to stand up to his own daughters. He was able to keep their love by playing victim to heartless 'ole me, and thinks he managed the situation quite well.
No one will kick out your princesses except you. I know it's kind of like the OK Corral, but you have to take a stand and not be afraid to lose your DH if he chooses a life with them over you. Chances are if DH doesn't have the kahunas to stand up to his Princesses, he won't have the kahunas to move out either.
Good luck! You'll wish you did this years ago...
Lazy SD Princesses
I agree with all of your comments. I know in two weeks it will be me that likely disposes of their items, probably at the end of the driveway. Since my DH works for the Sanitary District the dumpster option would be very easy, but wouldn't be dumped in a timely manner if the SD Princesses' belongings were disposed of in the dumpster. End of the drive. It will look like crap there, but it will definitely get the point across that I mean business. I'm under the impression that the SD Princesses want to be kicked out of the house. I really do believe they want to have the biggest drama scene that they can possibly create. Which they know their Dad will hate. I have noticed it is in the SD Prinesses nature to create drama scenes whenever possible which I'm pretty sure is biological (bred into them through their BM's gene pool). Then the SD's can cry to their Daddy about me and create even more drama. Yes, I believe a formal notice rather than just a quick note on their bedroom doors would be best. They have never paid a drop of rent even though I have strongly suggested to my DH that they should pay at least some rent. Years ago, with older SS, both DH and I agreed to charge SS a small amount of rent and SS moved within 24 hours. Amazing how that worked with the SS, but the SS wasn't into drama like the SD Princesses are and he had his values as he wasn't going to pay his Dad and I rent just to live at home. SS now has purchased his own home and is doing great and to top it off SS gets along with us well. On the other hand, I know the SD Princesses will make this all as difficult as possible as they do with everything.
No rent!
Oh no, don't allow them to pay rent! Seriously. When the police come, the officers will ask if the adult leeches pay rent. If yes, then you would have to go through a legal eviction process (just like with real renters) and the police couldn't kick them out.
Because they don't pay rent and can't prove that they ever did pay rent, the police can legally kick them out on the spot. Your official dated notice to them will lend credibility to your claim that they are no longer residents in your home. Also have on hand your mortgage statement or proof that you are the homeowner.
This will be yucky, but the end result will be good--for you AND for the Princesses who need to grow up. You are giving them a chance.
Let us know what happens!
Good Luck!
Please keep us informed.
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Love me or hate me, I'm still gonna shine!!!
don't back up
i had a simular situation but not quiet as bad. i kicked her out in 2003. i had all i could take and i don't know why faters just want to act as if nothing is happening. i guess if they acknowledge it the might be expected to do something. i put up with my sd for 2 1/2 yrs. she had her second child four months after she turned eighteen. i cooked, cleaned, washed clothes, ect. he said i should just tell her what i wanted her to do. i did but i would have to make a list. if i told her to clean the bathroon i would have to write specifics like clean sink, clean toilet, clean tub, sweep and mop floor. i felt like he should have made sure she pulled her weight. althoug she was young she made the choice of becoming a mother with guy that have never been a part of the kids life. they are now eight and nine. she is a pittyful excuse for a mother and is now pregnant again. we have the kids about everyother weekend as if she is an ex wife or something but i have told her she will not be leaving another kid with me not even for an hour. when i kicked her out i was to the point where if i lost him then that is just what would happen because if things didn't change it was going to ruine our marriage anyway. she was fifteen when were got married. if did everything i could to make her fell like she belonged and tried not to treat her any differant that i did my own. little good it did me. she is hell bent on destroying her life. so now i just tell her what i think and don't care if she likes it or not. she needs me a hell of a lot more that i need her. quiet frankly i could care less if i ever laid eyes on her again. i could go on and on but i guess i need to stop. stop putting up with it! love yourself enough to be treated right. you shouldn't have to be miserable in your own house. i got to where i had rather be at work. the i thougt i am not living like this any more. if i was going to live miserable i would have stayed with my ex husband. at least he did pay the bills. my husband and i have a good relations ship and i am not going to let her ruine it. DON'T LET THEM KEEP TREATING YOU LIKE THAT. you are the wife and as long as you have tried to be good to them. shouldn't anyone come before you to your husband but God!
Lazy SD Princesses
Thank for the advice on the renting and everything else. It is good to hear what others have gone through and I don't feel so alone anymore. My DH and I had lunch together today and he once again said he is working on getting them to move out of the house and told me how the SD's are trying to change and that I should give them more time. Oh, please. I told my DH that I wouldn't be backing down on this. The date is set. If I back down things will be good only for a very short time and then the hell will start again, but likely, will be even worse than it is now. I will be posting rental classfied adds on their bedroom doors tonight.
You go girl!
Time to kick lazy SD Princesses out of house. Do not back down and make sure you change the locks after they are gone.
Keep us posted!!!!!!!!
"Evil Stepmothers aren't born, it comes with the territory"
Lazy SD Princesses
Had a quick break with my DH before going to my other job and when I asked him if the SD's had been looking for a place to live because I had a list of classifieds listing apartments and then he asked me why I even bothered and stated how the SD's have a plan. When I asked him what the SD's plans were he said they were talking about their plan last night and when he asked them about their big plan they just started giggling and wouldn't tell him anything. With those two I could imagine (or am afraid to imagine) what their "big plan" is.