I can't take anymore....
I am pregnant and when you talk to people about pregnancy you hear about morning sickness, back pain etc but I have never heard anybody talk about emotions to the extent mine are. They are like a roller coaster.
I am so stressed that I cry every other day if not daily. I have posted about we trying to get SS 50/50 and go to court in Sept. Also how H, BM, and SS are going to counseling. Last week somethings were brought out that not look good on BM. Well last night at counseling BM brought up me. She said that SS tells her I am mean and tells H that he needs to put and ear out and listen to SS cause he tells her he tries to tell his dad about me but dad won't listen. BM also said that her and others have said that I try to be her as far as being his mom and that she thinks I have a problem with her. Then she states that she knows I did not have a good relationship with my mom and she thinks me being mean to SS is a carry over from my relationship with my mom. Now I know no matter how great things are the kids will tell stuff back and forth. I do not have a problem with that but tell the TRUTH. My H gives me free raines with SS when it comes to discipline when he is with me and even when H is there if I see something. Now of course to a kid you are mean anytime you get onto them. Well BM had so much to say about me that the counselor asked would she be ok with me coming to the session next week so she could "confront" me about these things. H said BM had long pause and said well I guess it would be alright. H then said that if StepG was really mean to SS why is it just now being brought up BM? and BM said I know.
I have no problem going to the counseling and letting her "confront" me as I have nothing to hide. Yes I get on SS and may ride his tail about things but none of it is unfounded. I am on him about his attitude, smart mouth, and responsibility. I love my ss but I know it is not the way his parents love him. I want him to be his best, do his best, have a good attitude, be resepectful, and take responsibility for his own actions. I know that I am harder on him than anyone else is. Despite all that I love SS and he loves me. He tells me several time daily love you StepG or will pucker his lips and want a kiss and a hug from me.
Now I have noticed since last year and BM lost her job the smart mouth and bad attitude started coming to our house. It has been a constant thing all this year however I have noticed since SS found out I was pregnant he and I have butted heads so bad. Now SS is happy about the baby and will love the baby I have no doubt about that but I feel something is amiss with him about the baby. Whenever we are talking about the baby he changes the subject right up. Even this past Sunday I am the teacher of his Sunday school class and the kids were talking to me about baby and SS in the middle tells he got hit in the head with a dodge ball. SS has a little brother with BM and I remember when she was pregnant with him he was clingy to her but mean to her at the same time.
Again I will go to counseling and tell my side of things. I have no issues telling that SS smart mouth is a problem and that he and I have butted heads bad this last 3 or 4 months. I have no issue telling BM the only issue I have with her is the way she has done SS about his father. I also will say don't relate my relationship with SS to that of me and my mothers because my mom would whip the hell out of me then not talk to me for days at a time. Yes I discipline SS and call him on all his crap and if that is mean then so be it because I not going to support it. But in addition for all of the discipling I do with SS I give twice as much love, hugs, and kisses back. I also will say what I have always said that being asked to care for, love, support, cloth, feed, and guide a child then at the end of the day the child is not yours is a hard job. I have never asked SS to call me mom or told him I was his mom. However when he is in my home I do all the things a mom would do and you should be glad that I take such good care of SS. H did say that he pointed out and BM admitted that StepG loves SS more than the average step-mom loves her step-kids. I will also say that I went from being single to a husband and a step-son and I believe that being a step parent is the hardest job God ever gave me to do. I am not perfect and we all make mistakes. I just do the best that I can do with what I know.
I am just so stressed girls, I am worried about what it is doing to my baby. I cried all the way to work this morning I cried on Sunday over SS. I am happy about my baby but cannot focus on the excitement of it because of all this crap.
Give me some advice and coping techiniques and advice about what to say in counseling. I have tried disengaging but I love Ss so much and H is real good about backing me that I do not think that is the answer.
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know how you feel
I'm pregnant right now also & I have thought to myself, what a shame to have to be going through all of this right now, when it should be the happiest time of your life. People forget about the consequences of added stress during your pregnancy. I have felt the same way that you do for weeks now, I have not been able to focus on my pregnancy, i even forget to take my pre-natal vitamins all of the time. The one thing that has been helping me lately, is that my husband has gone to stay at his mom's house for a few days to watch her dog & SD has been gone. I have been using the time alone at home to spend time with my daughters & to pray. Also, I have a CD constantly playing in the house of worship music. I have it turned down really low, so that it's not disturbing or annoying, but the fact that its being pumped out into the atmosphere of my home has brought down a blanket of peace over my house. This is something you could do without anyone ever noticing if you turn it down low enough and hit the "repeat" button. I have had mine playing for days & it has been helping me. Also, surround yourself with friends that are nurturing to you, do something with your girlfriends. Go for a foot massage. Re-focus. Take the focus off of SS for a while a re-focus on baby. Thinking about our SChildren requires too much energy, I feel that they thrive on the negitive attention a lot. Don't give it to them, re-focus on your baby, do some things to pamper yourself. Pray, go to church this sunday. Your sanity needs to be restored.
being preggers is HARD!
Aside from all the other nonsense you're dealing with...being pregnant is SOOO tough on your body and emotions! I am totally in agreement with what schrob01 said...pamper yourself and set your focus on your baby. You gotta stay calm and cool right now about the drama with ss and bm. easier said than done but honey ya gotta try not to get sucked into their bullshit right now. The only thing it is doing is hurting you and creating a hostile emotional environment for your little one. I know it may not be a scientifically proven fact but when I was pregnant with ChooChoo, i was constantly angry,frustrated,upset,crying hysterically... the entire pregnancy I had NO PEACE. ChooChoo is now 7 and he's never at peace. He is sullen, defiant and can't focus on anything. I blame myself for this. I'm not saying this will happen with you but it's just my own theory about the importance of being calm and centered during pregnancy.
The thing that impresses me most about America is the way parents obey their children. ~Edward, Duke of Windsor, Look, 5 March 1957
Hi
Being emotional while pregnant, even OVER emotional is perfectly normal. You'll be ok, but you need to take some time to yourself (maybe try mediation) in order to feel happy about your pregnancy.
I read your story. Sounds like BM is only bringing up the fact that you are mean because something bad was brought up about her. Sounds to me like the counsellor wants you there not so BM can call you out, but so that you can tell your side of the story, and girl.. I would do that with pride. Parenting/disciplining kids does not make you mean, it makes you responsible... so hold your head up high!
About SS changing the subject every time baby comes up... he's just jealous. He wants the attention to focus back on him. I'm not sure how old he is, but this will pass. I went through the same thing with my SS.
StepG...
I am so sorry that you're going through this! You know you can PM me anytime if you need to vent or cry. I'll give you my email, too.
As you've read, I'm going through emotional hell, too. I can't help but think that maybe BM is doing this to you now because of the pregnancy. Maybe she's feeling jealous? Is she the type to want to cause you stress at a time like this? Because BM in my case is. She'd probably make it a holiday if I was to miscarry due to her BS. Which is exactly why whenever I start to feel hopeless, angry, upset due to her nonsense, I take a step back. It's not worth it! I, too, worry about what it's doing to my baby. And I, like schrob01, feel that it's so unfair that BM's nonsense overshadows what would normally be a completely exciting & happy time.
I haven't cried in like a week & it feels good. Of course, as you may have read in my blogs, I'm feeling mixed emotions over the whole issue of my husband possibly not being SD8's father. I'm sure that BM pulled out that card because of our pending court date, however, how much do you want to bet that my being pregnant had something to do with it, as well? Because back in June, SD8 said something about the baby being her STEP brother or sister & I corrected her. I told her that it would be her HALF brother or sister, just like former SD11 is. I'm sure that SD8 mentioned this to BM & BM probably had a FIT! BM loves holding it over my husband that SD8 has a sister at her house. Well, soon, she'll have a sibling at our house, too. So what? It's a jealousy issue. I already know that BM can't stand it that my husband & I have such a strong relationship. She's made that very clear by mocking us. Maybe if BM understood how relationships worked, she could keep a guy more than a year.
I can't imagine having to face BM in counseling. In fact, I think the whole your husband having to go to counseling with BM is crazy. I realize I don't know all the details, but come on. If BM is anything like the witch we have to deal with, counseling will be a waste of time. My husband had 3 mediation sessions with BM & those were pointless. I think if my husband had to attend counseling with her, he'd probably kill her! He can only take so much of her sitting there making statements like "I'm doing what's best for MY girls..." in between long sighs & dramatic pauses, while wearing her lame ass rose-colored glasses. But if you're going to go & do this, just be honest & direct. And try not to get too worked up, although I know how difficult that is!!!
Oh, and as far as your SS is concerned...you're doing the right thing by disciplining him as necessary. Your husband backs you up on this, so it's none of BM's concern. Of course SS will complain that you're "mean" sometimes...because you're calling him on doing/saying stuff he shouldn't be! What kid wants that?! But he needs it, especially if BM lets him get away with murder.
Hang in there!!!
one more thing...
Your SS's behavior towards the baby is more than likely just jealousy. If BM says anything negative about you or the baby to or around SS, it could be him picking up on that & acting out because of it. God only knows what BM is telling him. I know that BM in our case fills SD8's head with all kinds of nonsense & I'm sure that impacts the way she treats us & feels about us.
Like I've said before, SD8 doesn't seem too interested in the whole baby concept. She took the news better than I had expected, but since then she's kind of viewed it as a non-issue & that could just be because the baby isn't "real" to her yet. I don't know. But SD8 did say something that alarmed me a little the other night. I was tucking her in & we got on the topic of the baby somehow. I mentioned how the baby would be kicking at some point. And SD8 pointed to my stomach & said, "Die, baby!". She did it in a joking sort of way & that's how I took it, but my husband was out in the hall & yelled at her for saying that. And you know, this sort of thing has happened before, where I laughed at something the kids said, meanwhile anyone else that heard were shocked/upset. It's like a passive-aggressive thing. Not sure how seriously to take it, really.
SS is probably jealous
SS16 has already informed me he doesn't want us to have a baby. OMG, like he can tell us what to do?? I feel like having one just to piss him off. The two skids are in major competiton with me and don't want competition with baby for DH's attention. How ridiculous is this?
I mentioned to a friend that DH and I don't want any more children because we want to move forward in the next phase in our life and he looked crest fallen. I feel like saying, you are 16, you are supposed to be thinking about going to college not staying home and keeping daddy from being happy with his wife.
"Evil Stepmothers aren't born, it comes with the territory"
So sorry for you
I have been breaking down and crying a lot lately too and I'm not even pregnant! I can't imagine going through this while having a baby. So sorry for you
"Evil Stepmothers aren't born, it comes with the territory"
Mine where bad too. I was up
Mine where bad too. I was up and down and my H just was ready to kill me by the time I had my BSs. It was like that with both my pregnancys. You will get through it, and take my advice---don't make any life changing decisions right now. You will see things clearer once this pregnancy is over.