Another tragedy in my SD's lives.
This happend about a week ago but I couldn't stomach to write about it till now.
When the girls still lived with theri BM she had a BF who lived her. It was actually the guy she cheated on DH with. Even though he was the other man both DH and I had no problem with this guy. He was a recovering addict but we never saw any evidence of him using when the girls were living there.
We know that BM ditched the girls on him alot and he did ALOT if not MOST of the parenting with the girls when they had them. He loved the girls. The girls really loved him. He was in their lives for three years so when BM and him split becasue they started fighting (just like what happened with BM and DH) the girls were devestated. They don't remember DH living with BM so this was the big "divorce" in their lives. They were very traumatized. By the time the split came about the girls were already living with us so we heard all the time how much they missed _________.
Anyway, apparently this guy met another girl who was a user and he fell off the bandwagon. He wound up dying last week of an overdose. He fell into a coma at work and the next day he was pronounced braindead. The next day his family (who are very good people) pulled the plug. DH and I were both very upset. He was a good guy with some bad habits that wound up killing him.
We finally told the girls last night. We felt they deserved to know. They were onviously upset and immediatly linked his outcome to their BM. IF ______ died from drugs will mom die from drugs? We had to tell them she has already come very close more than once.
These poor kids. They are having to deal with so many adult things that five year olds should know nothing about. If nothing else good has come form this they hate drugs. They have seen first hand at a very tender age what they can do to a person.
We are taking them to ________'s gravesite after work today. They made cards and we are buying flowers so they can lay them on his grave. The first experience with death is a hard thing.
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awful
those poor kids. Damn that makes my heart hurt. I'm glad you guys are being pro-active and open by taking them to the gravesite and talking with them about it. I'm assuming BM isn't changing her ways as far as using is concerned. Wow...I can't even think of anything supportive to say at this point...their fear of bm dying is absolutely justified and honestly I have no clue what could be said to alleviate those fears. Tough situation honey! They're lucky they have you to support them. Keep us posted on how they're doing with the grieving process...hopefully it won't consume them for too long.
The thing that impresses me most about America is the way parents obey their children. ~Edward, Duke of Windsor, Look, 5 March 1957
Thanks BBB
It is so unfair that just because their mom is a nut they have been exposed to all of this. They have been exposed to the concept of drugs, violence, prison and suicide because of her.
Dh swears that when he met BM she wasn't like this. That she said she had had a few bad spells as a teenager but was better and she really seemed to be. Then it started declining super fast and by then then had already accidentally gotten her pregnant so what was done was done. The true colors didn't start coming out till after she was pregnant.
He has said so many times that if had had any idea at all of what she was going to turn into he would of never have gotten involved. He also says he wishes like hell he haden't gotten her pregnant, not because he doesn't want the girls because his kids are his heart but because the girls are being punished for even being born. They are suffering because of what their mother is. He wishes he could of had the same exact twins except with me. He wishes so bad that I was thier bio mother because then things would be normal for them.
We all know life does't work that way though. BM is in prison and there is no way of predicting what she will do when she is released in a year and unfortunatly she is their mom....that's reality.
Having a baby does not make you a mother.
hopefully
the children will be better people from all this BM drama. There are SO many negative things going on but I hope you and DH can stay positive through it. This can only make the girls stronger as adults. Ya know how there are so many adults who hate cigarettes because their parents chain smoked their whole life?? This might work the same way, the girls will work extra hard to be the best they can be so they don't end up like their mom. Plus they are at a total advantage with you and DH to support them emotionally. I am filled with dread for you when BM is released from prison. I realize you probably can't deny her visitation but is there any chance it's going to be strictly supervised?
The thing that impresses me most about America is the way parents obey their children. ~Edward, Duke of Windsor, Look, 5 March 1957
We are really
pushing for supervised visits right now. It's kindof on hault now that she has been incarcerated.
Having a baby does not make you a mother.
We are really
pushing for supervised visits right now. It's kindof on hault now that she has been incarcerated.
Having a baby does not make you a mother.
goodmom,
I was wondering if you've looked into involuntary termination of BM's parental rights?
My heart goes out to you and I relate as to BM being an addict, however ours was just recently descovered to have a drug problem and you guys have obviously been dealing with that for some time.
I'm in Texas, I took this from the Texas Family Code that governs our Court's decisions.
"ยง 161.001. INVOLUNTARY TERMINATION OF PARENT-CHILD
RELATIONSHIP. The court may order termination of the parent-child
relationship if the court finds by clear and convincing evidence:...
C) voluntarily left the child alone or in the
failed to support the child in accordance
possession of another without providing adequate support of the
child and remained away for a period of at least six months;
(D) knowingly placed or knowingly allowed the
child to remain in conditions or surroundings which endanger the
physical or emotional well-being of the child;
(E) engaged in conduct or knowingly placed the
child with persons who engaged in conduct which endangers the
physical or emotional well-being of the child;
with the parent's ability during a period of one year ending within
six months of the date of the filing of the petition;...
(P) used a controlled substance, as defined by
Chapter 481, Health and Safety Code, in a manner that endangered the
health or safety of the child, and:
(i) failed to complete a court-ordered
substance abuse treatment program; or
(ii) after completion of a court-ordered
substance abuse treatment program, continued to abuse a controlled
substance;
(Q) knowingly engaged in criminal conduct that
has resulted in the parent's:
(i) conviction of an offense; and
(ii) confinement or imprisonment and
inability to care for the child for not less than two years from the
date of filing the petition;"
Bm in your case surely has provided plenty of evidence she is a danger to your SD's.
My SD is 5 also, and I really appreciate you sharing about the kids dealing with the death of BM's ex and how they feel. Please continue to post.
Thank you,
shell
Two roads diverged in a yellow wood, and I---
I took the one less traveled by,
and that made all the difference. -Robert Frost-
We weren't even aware
you could do this? Is it the same in every state do you know or does it vary? As it stands we have temporary full custody untill she gets out of prison and we can go to court for permanent but she will probably fight it. She wants to have 50/50 so she won't have to pay support but we know she will NEVER see the girls. She'll do precisely what she's been doing...fluttering in and out and staying high as a kite.
I am telling DH to ask the lawyer about this. Thanks!!!!!
Having a baby does not make you a mother.