Why does it bother me?
ok, first of all I just want to thank you all that responded to my first post! All the responses helped in one way or another.
I am a little upset right now though that I think you all can help me with... First, it's 9:51 pm and the kids are still up. I've made it pretty clear with my boyfriend that I want them to have a set bedtime when they stay at our house. Not only because it gives them consistency but because I get up with them in the morning and I need some kind of consistency too. Does anyone have advice on how I can get him on the same page with me on bedtime? I am really thinking that I want to go back to having a "real job" just so I don't have to put up with it anymore....then all I have to think of is getting myself to bed on time. Although I know my bo really likes that I'm home with the kids and cook and take care of the house. I don't think I would mind either if my requests were considered and taken into account.
Next, I kind of feel bad but I also don't.... We both have been telling his son not to say the word 'crap' and he's continually said it. Well tonight I was watching a show and his son and friend came down and were playing computer games and I caught him saying the word. Trust me...I'm not a prude but I just don't agree with a 9 year old talking that way... So, I called him out on it and gave him a warning...that if I heard him saying it again that he'd get his DS taken away for a week. Well, low and behold....he said it again about 20 minutes later so I made him go up to his room and get the a DS and give it to me. He did and I reminded him that it'd be a week....and we are going on a road trip vacation on Saturday and he won't get it back until next Monday. I also warned him that the next time I heard the word out of his mouth that his gameboy is going to be taken away. So, I went and told my bo after it happened and he said he agreed but seemed a little distant as soon as I told him. I asked him if he was ok with everything and he said he was but I'm thinking that because he let the kids stay up so late that he's feeling the "guilt" thing.
Third, we got a chore list the other day....a grease board that sits on the fridge and has 'normal' things like make your bed and clean up your belongings and messes. Normal things to me but apparently not to his kids. So anyway, my 10 year old brother came over today and cut our grass for what was supposed to be $10 (although I ended up giving him $20 but told him he had to weed whack next time to earn the $20....but anyway). Well, the bo's kids asked why my brother was cutting the grass so I made sure to let them know that he was working for money so he could pay for his own cellphone because my Dad and step-mom won't give me or my siblings something for nothing. So, his son whined like it was unfair that my brother got $20 and acted like my brother didn't do a thing for the money. I was so pissed because I actually made my OWN brother go back to the spots that he missed and do them over but did the bo say anything.....NO! Why doesn't he think his kids can cut the grass?!? I mean it was my 10 year old brother that did the work but his 12 year old daughter or 9 year old son can't cut the grass that they play in all the time?
Thirdly, that road trip to WI that we're supposed to go on....I am soooo notlooking forward to it! I'm going to be stuck in the wilderness, having to fish and put up with fighting kids all week. That just doesn't sound like a vacation to me...especially since I'm still getting used to having "kids" and fishing and wilderness isn't my "thing". I'm not a high maintenance girl but I don't do camping or wilderness or anything like it. I really want to get out of it but I'm not sure of an excuse I can use. I also have to mention that the car ride is 6 hours and I get car sick and very anxious in the car. Not sure if I should try to go and end up having a panic attack or anxiety attack on the way or just try to get out of it...
Any help you lovely ladies can lend is greatly appreciated!
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My advice
"To Thine Own Self Be True" William Shakesphere
Unless you are independently wealthy, get a job. Like yesterday.
Being at home is great and all. But it so does not build your financial future. Sounds to me like your bf is starting to resent any valid complaints about his kids. Sounds like you have two different sets of values in raising kids. And he's not very taken with yours.
So how does this work? You're staying home, taking care of his kids, and he, what, provides food & housing? Or does he pay you for your hours of babysitting? If so, hey, when he comes home...his home, his kids. Your time off. My guess is he doesn't pay you. So you are providing babysitting in trade for housing.
If I were you, I'd definately get a job.
I wouldn't say I'm wealthy
I wouldn't say I'm wealthy but I do take care of my share. You are right though that I'm starting to feel like I'm the glorified babysitter. He does take over the kid duty when he gets home for the most part...there are times that he takes a nap after working that I have to be the parent but it hasn't happened in a while..probably because I have made my feelings known loudly recently. I know that when (and if) we have kids together that I want to be home with them...but I feel like if he thinks I want to go back to work now....and not take care of his and his ex-wife's kids that I can't handle being home with our own kids. I know having our own kids would be different because he KNOWS how my parenting style would be...I would be the 'bad cop' and I'm ok with that. I just want him to be sure that he's ok with me being that way with his kids....not only because they need it but because I'm not going to raise our future kids without some kind of discipline.
Step back for a minute!
Take a deep breath and remember, you can bloody well do what you bloody well want! So far I haven't seen anything that screams you are some kind of princess who doesn't want the skids breathing on your new mani/pedi so stick that chin up and remember that YOU are ultimately the only one who can take care of you. No, you don't have to go. And if your boyfriend doesn't like it well, he just learned something didn't he. That that is just too bad. Frankly, it will be a nice big heads up for him and might just earn you a little respect. Second, the way I get my skids to bed when I want, not whenever, is to just take charge. Get jammies, brush teeth, use the bathroom. DH basically comes in and says prayers and turns the light off. Left up to him, the skids go to bed at 10 or 10:30. With me, bedtime is at 9 in the summer and 8:30 during school. Like it or lump it, me lovelies, I am the adult here. And it should be the same with you. It doesn't sound like your boyfriend is actively working against you, just that he doesn't have the chutzpah to get the job done himself. So for your own sanity, explain to him how it is now going to be and then make it happen.
As far as the whining over money remember, you never have to defend yourself to any child. Sometimes as adults we make mistakes and then I think we should apologize or even explain our reasoning as a way to teach a child how an adult takes responsibility or to demonstrate why we reach a decision between right and wrong. But this should never be done in anger (I'm NOT criticizing you, btw) because then it is merely being manipulated by the child whether a skid or a bio kid.
Like myself and so many others, you are in the classic trying to do it all, do it perfect, and with little or no help from the father hamster wheel. The great news is, you can jump off any time you like by realizing that only you can control you. So do it!
Not in a hateful manner, just like a river, slow but graceful and utterly irresistable. Good luck and don't let your love for your man take precedence over your care of yourself. Let us know what happens!