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Why did this bother me???

zerostepdrama's picture

Submitted by zerostepdrama on Mon, 06/02/2014 - 9:53am

This happened yesterday after being gone all weekend for my Grandma's funeral.

I also want to add- DH and I have been having some issues. Of course 3/4 of the issues are skid related. Another 25% of it being that I feel that my DH is so busy with the skids, so busy helping friends, so busy with work that he has ZERO time for me and our home and our family. I feel that his kids are almost all adults and YET here he is giving them all this time and energy and he is annoyed when I ask for some of his time. I feel like I am single. That DH is only concerned with me and my BS when he feels like being concerned with us.

So I do have some resentment towards the skids regarding how I feel that I get "nothing" and they get "everything".

So I come home from the weekend and the house is a mess even though I left it clean. So I'm annoyed right away as it will be me who has to clean, if I want the house clean. And DH isn't home, so I call him and ask where he and he says that he is on a call for work. (he was on call). Okay.... I tell him I am now home. I missed him and I am looking forward to seeing him as it has been 3 days since I saw him and it had obviously been a long weekend. In my thought process, he would hurry up what he had to do and come home and see me and be happy to see me.

So he comes home after about an hour or so and he is acting all tired from being on call. So I am annoyed that he was acting that way but I was tired too so I was like okay lets take a nap.

Well MSD calls and since he is laying right in bed I can pick up parts of the conversation.

DH has a key to MSD's apartment. He also works for her apartment complex. So basically she was calling and asking him if he had been in her apartment and he said yes. I dont know why he went there when she wasn't there. What the purpose was. Not sure if he left her something or what. Then I hear her say something about them needing to get together soon but she doesnt have any money.I think trying to make him feel sorry for her because she is broke. (Welcome to the real world!) Then something about her baby and making some custody issues with the BD. Then he tells her she needs to clean her apartment and that she also needs to cut up those checks. Not sure what that meant????

What was so annoying is the whole time he is talking to her about stuff that and he is just sweet as sugar and in his voice is so much concern and love.

And I just got home from a funeral and he acted so disinterested in what I had to say and even acted annoyed because he had "been on call", but really he was also at MSD's house doing whatever.

I just felt really sad and hurt and angry with my DH.

Not sure what the point of this post is... just feeling really dissapointed in my DH who changed so much after we got married.

Comments

zerostepdrama's picture

Submitted by zerostepdrama on Mon, 06/02/2014 - 10:23am

It seems you are becoming more of an accessory than a partner. He is under-invested in your marriage.

^^^^^ This is exactly how I feel!

zerostepdrama's picture

Submitted by zerostepdrama on Mon, 06/02/2014 - 12:35pm

Thank you Sue. The first "option" that you posted I have this in my mind as the thing to do. I try to do this or in some ways I have been doing this. Like our whole marriage. Even before we got married. But I hate playing the games.

I did reserve the book and movie though from our library so I will def. be reading and wathching.

luchay's picture

Submitted by luchay on Mon, 06/02/2014 - 10:34pm

Funny, because option 1 is exactly what I have been contemplating ALL morning, well all weekend, yesterday and today really, then I come on here and read this.

I don't care if I am sitting in the freaking library in my best "going out" stuff those damn books better watch out LOL I am making myself unavailable for the foreseeable future.

Either way, we'll end or he'll wake up to himself and start giving back.

But something has to change and I don't think "talking" is getting me anywhere. Asking for what I need (you know. like a grown up does) just gets me called selfish and demanding and the usual calls of "you hate my kids you're trying to keep me from my kids, blah blah bladdy blah!"

Good luck to you zero, I hope yours wakes up to himself and mine too.

zerostepdrama's picture

Submitted by zerostepdrama on Tue, 06/03/2014 - 7:19am

Ah Luchay! We are going through the same thing.

DH actually came home at a decent time yesterday and was very nice and loving without my prompting. I think he knows I am about to be reaching my end point. We either fix it or we move on. He even watched BS while I went to Zumba, whcih was something he had stopped doing in the past few months.

And anytime I try to talk to DH he always says "that's how you feel. I am fine. I am fine with things. Its you. It's all in your head. You are crazy. All women are crazy." :?

Good luck. I hope things turn around for you Smile (((HUGS)))

luchay's picture

Submitted by luchay on Tue, 06/03/2014 - 7:58pm

Well, after not contacting me AT ALL yesterday I got a text at about 5.20 to say "I'm on my way home sexy!"

So I took my BD's and we went out for tea (dd11 has a dance class from 7.30 - 8.30 so we'd normally be out 7-9 anyway) I just made myself unavailable to cook his tea and ask about his day and basically BE there for him.

I left a message on the bench "quiche in the fridge, love you!" (supermarket pre-packaged quiche)

He texted me when he got home... "where are you? You are normally home at this time? What goes with the quiche? When will you be home?"

LMAO petulant child.

"Had some running around to do. Salad. Just after 9, see you then."

He was strange when I got home. Like he didn't know what to expect from me.

Oh well.