Yesterday was 2 years since my SF died. Technically when he died it had been 18 years since he had been my SF.

He was in my life from the time I was 2-12. I saw him on/off when him and my mom first divorced and then over time he moved/I moved and we lost touch. I come from a small town and was still close to my Step-sisters for years, so I knew what was going on with my SF, etc. But I moved away right after HS so it was difficult to maintain much of a relationship.

I found out he had cancer and was given 6 months to live and that he had moved back to our hometown. This was probably 6 years ago. So for 4 years I had him back in my life. Mostly brief visits, texts, phone call,etc but it was nice.

He was like a father figure to me, more then my own dad in some ways. I guess because I remember HIM being there as opposed to my dad who was in the Army and when he was home, he was in the bar.

My SF and mom divorced because he was a heroin addict. She found out when they first started dating and he went to rehab and she stood by him. Then years down the road, he fell off the wagon- stole from my mom's family, stole from our own home. At this time my sister and I were much older (I was 12 and my sis 16) and my mom just couldnt risk it again. She had to set a good example.

SF went to rehab but he did spend years on/off the drugs.

My mom often talked about how much she loved my SF. She was IN LOVE with him. He was THE ONE. I am pretty sure he felt the same way about her. When he was sick and I visited he always asked about her and told me how much he missed her. For her, it was too hard for her to visit. He had hurt her too much with the drugs and stealing and too much time had passed.

Growing up my SF didnt always see his 2 girls. His ex had remarried the man she had cheated on my SF with and they had a daughter together. They had their own family and we had our own family. But when we my step sisters came over, it was all good. I was close with them after the divorce and spent a lot of time in the home of their mom and SF.

My SF's ex wife (so the BM) was diagnosed with MS. By the time SF is sick, BM is too and is in a home with 24 hour care. Oddly enough, this is the same place that my mom works.....

Of course it's sad that she is sick and no longer herself. And that my step sisters were dealing with their dad as well who has cancer and is dying. And because of their mom being sick, all of the sudden she became a martyr in my SF's death.

She was listed in SF's obit as his first wife, where my mom was excluded. Pictures of her and the girls and SF were on the memorial picture slide show. None of me and my sister or my mom.

In some ways it was odd in that BM cheated on SF and left him for another man. Went on to have another family with this man. My mom stood by SF through all the shit and only divorced him because of the drugs. Yet it was like she (or me or my sister) never even existed.

Oddly there isn't really any hard feelings. I figure a lot of it with BM is that she is the one who mothered his kids. With my mom, it was she left him because of the drugs and bringing her up, brings up that he was a drug addict.

I loved my SF at the end. I am glad I got to spend time with him and I miss him a lot now.

Not real sure what the point of this post is... just thinking about how "weird" people see things in the step family dynamics and how sometimes BM still "rules".....