Manners... and sent YSD a gift.
I am big on manners. I remember being a kid and having adults tell me how great my manners are. I don't specifically remember being taught manners, I guess it was just part of my parents raising me. I raise my BS the same way. He is often complimented on his manners.
When dealing with the skids I have had a hard time with their manners. SS for the most part can be very polite but have noticed at times he could do better with manners.
With the girl skids their manners have been a big problem for me. It's not like they are complete savages with no manners but I notice they lack manners when it comes to respect.
December 2015 is the last time I spoke to OSD. Prior I had sent her kids birthday gifts and X-mas gifts and never got a thank you. I had invited her and her family over for dinner when they were in town, only for them to accept the invite and then not show up or call to say they weren't coming. In 2015 I invited them for X-Mas Eve dinner to try and be nice for my DH's sake and OSD accepted the invitation. I made it clear that if they were to change their mind to please let me know as we were only cooking because they were coming. Well X--Mas Eve a few hours before they were to show up I find out they are out of state. Never got a phone call, nothing, that they weren't coming. So had I not seen on FB that they were out of state we would have been sitting around waiting for them to come to dinner.
For me that was my breaking point with OSD and what made me decide to be done with her and to be okay with that decision.
Now the most recent.... I did go ahead and send YSD a baby gift last week. I told her to let me know when she got it. Per the account records it was delivered at 1pm on Saturday. I have not gotten a thank you nor a "hey I got the package." I'm assuming it was received because I told her the package was coming on Saturday. I would guess that if she didn't get the package on Saturday she would have said something. She is 18, no job, no car and 8+ months pregnant. So I don't think it's a "She's out of town or busy" issue.
I am not going to say anything to her. I am not going to say anything to DH. He doesn't even know that I sent her a gift.
When I have complained about the girl skids manners before he has acted like it was no big deal. Which was always confusing to me because my DH has manners. And why wouldn't he expect them out of his children?
I remember telling SIL (who is a few years older then OSD) about the OSD/X-Mas Eve story and she acted like it wasn't a big deal. :? Yet she is very polite.
I don't know if DH looks at it like, sometimes we don't have the best manners with our families or things can slide because of family. I feel like it doesn't matter. Yes our families see a side of us that others don't but that doesn't mean I wouldn't thank someone for sending me a gift or let them know if I had to cancel our dinner plans.
Given the touchy nature of the relationships between the skids and myself you would THINK that they would make more of an effort to be polite when I do something nice for them as opposed to doing the complete opposite.
As for YSD I bought the gift knowing that I would probably not get a Thank you. But I did want her to at least let me know that she got the gift, like I asked of her, since I was having it sent to BM's house. Like how hard is a simple "I got the gift"
I see the lack of manners from the skids as disrespect. These moments of disrespect just get added to my long list of reasons of why I don't like the skids. But then DH acts confused as to why I don't like the girl skids or want to be around them.
Not really a vent or asking for advice... I guess just thinking out loud 
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^^Everything Granny said.
^^Everything Granny said.
I also think my SD feels she
I also think my SD feels she is so entitled that she doesn't need to say thank you.
^^^^
I think this is the same for the my girl skids.
Honestly anything is possible
Honestly anything is possible when it comes to BM.
It came directly from Amazon Prime, so unless YSD told her that I was sending something she wouldn't know it was from me. I addressed it (using fake names) Susan Jones (for Baby Sally).
I would think though that she would message me if it DIDN'T arrive because she would want to know where it was since she was expecting it.
I told myself no matter what
I told myself no matter what the outcome it isn't going to change why I sent the gift. I did it more for myself and to try and warm myself up towards her and the situation. But it was just that. Sending a gift only. I didn't have any expectations after sending the gift.
I didn't do it expecting her to not say thank you and so that I could set her up for failure. I mean she either says thanks or not. I can't set her up for it.
Honestly I'm not even hurt by her lack of thank you. I still feel exactly the same way towards her as I did before the gift. But I feel better knowing that I did something, that I made an effort.
I won't be doing anything like that again in the future.
And won't I be surprised if I get a hand written thank you note in the mail
I guess I figured reaching
I guess I figured reaching out to YSD is the lesser of 2 evils (her or OSD) and that I am trying to make my DH happy and show that I can be the bigger person. Like I have said before- YSD didn't actually do anything to me (like MSD and OSD did) and I think a lot of it was age and being influenced by her sisters and mom and maybe I have been harder on her then I should have been so I am open to revisiting the relationship if it goes that way.
Please quit trying to
Please quit trying to convince me that you know how I feel about this. It's complicated. I go through a lot of emotions and feelings in regards to the skids. Being disengaged helps ME but it doesn't always help my marriage. And DH gives me mixed signals about everything.
I did it with good intentions. So what if I wrote a follow up post about it. Had it been a follow up post saying that she said thank you then you'd feel differently?
When I sent the gift I told myself no matter what her response was it wasn't going to change my mind that I felt like it was the right thing to send the gift.
When you are nice to the
When you are nice to the nasty ones and they don't even acknowledge it, they have used up a part of your niceness that day, and likely there was someone more deserving of it and who may have needed it that day.
^^^^^^
Good thought process on that!
It's possible but I doubt it
It's possible but I doubt it honestly.
DH used to mail off gifts and
DH used to mail off gifts and get no reply. Then I started emailing a couple of days after they were delivered asking if the package had arrived or if we should ask the post office to trace the package. It took a couple of years, but now he gets a call within a day of package arrival.