Should the ex wife be included ?
As I stated in my last blog , I have been with my bf four years. For the last three years we have gone to dinner together with the kids and the Gmom when it was their birthday . This year, the kids invited the ex along and she came . When my bf told me I was mad and he told me to get over it because it's his child's birthday and I thats what makes him happy then it doesn't really matter how I feel about it because it's their mother . Hence - why I had the heated battle via text as stated in my last blog. I called her a foul name because I don't understand why she would want to go anyways she does her own thing with the kids for their birthdays and does not include us
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Wellll... it seems the
Wellll... it seems the previous responses haven't sunk in yet.
Your Bf has made it CRYSTAL clear to you that his kids and their needs will come FIRST. (This makes him a great dad, just no so great a Bf...)
If he thinks it's ok for BM to attend B'day dinners, it will continue to happen.
Thank him for it. Seriously, send him a thank you card.
If you can get out there, find a man YOUR AGE without a prevviously "enjoyed" family and you start your own little nuclear family with him, your life will be so.much.simpler. Why try to stay with a man and "fight" for your place in his life? Seriously, if he doesn't place you in the honorary position in his life right beside him, don't force it. Don't whine and complain and cry because you're not in it.
Find someone who makes you HIS priority. You deserve no less.
Just when I was starting to
Just when I was starting to really not like you, you go and make a comment like this!!! Lol great advice. I had some relationship questions the other day and my brothers advice was commited relationships come first... But kids are the priority. Yes, in this case you should have gone along with it... But never told to suck it up. Bf should have listened to you, understood and explained that it was too late to change it. It isn't so much kids coming first that is the issue but the way your bf did it
It's not about BM, it's about
It's not about BM, it's about SO. Don't make it about anything else. I think your boyfriend is trying to get you to leave or else he has no problem treating you like a second class citizen. Sounds like you really need to leave him, I'm sorry.
Barf. If my DH still wanted
Barf. If my DH still wanted to have family dinners with his ex and kids, he would have stayed married. I'd cut this guy loose and move on.
Since you know that you will
Since you know that you will never be an equity partner in a marriage to this asshole it is time to go. You will never come before his spawn and their wombdonor and your own children that you may have with him will not come before them and will likely not be equitable to his first shoal of spawn.
So, again, go and go now.
The marriage/adult relationship in a family always takes precident over the children. Kids benefit from a strong marriage/adult relationship at the heart of their family (or families in the case of a kid in a blended family) but they are not a party to the relationship nor do they take precident over the marriage.
Your BF is a completely shitty dad if he is giving the message to his children that they come before his partner. He is actively breeding a generation of entitled manipulative spawn.
So, again... go now.
My dad let my brothers and I know in no uncertain terms that we had never put him in a position of having to choose between his wife (our mom) and us boys. We would lose. Every child needs that message whether the parents are still married to each other or have remarried. THe marriage comes first.
All IMHO of course.
Good luck.
"When my bf told me I was mad
"When my bf told me I was mad and he told me to get over it because it's his child's birthday and I thats what makes him happy then it doesn't really matter how I feel about it because it's their mother . "
Let's clarify. When you say "that's what makes HIM happy" is the HIM the child or the bf? If it's what makes the child happy, then you should suck it up. Why shouldn't a child get to have all his favorite people all in one place for his birthday? Can you even imagine how hard it is for them to live 2 separate lives? If the HIM is the bf and spending time with the BM makes HIM (the bf) happy, then the advice given above to think about leaving makes more sense.
To clarify, it makes the kid
To clarify, it makes the kid happy.
The reason i was mad is because we have been celebrating birthdays with the kids and taking them to dinner with our little group for the last three years. Why all of a sunnden does this change and I have to suck it up?
Oh and also...because she had
Oh and also...because she had a birthday party at her house with her friends and family for her soon.
We were not invited.
My motto....BM NOT ALLOWED~if
My motto....BM NOT ALLOWED~if she wants to have b-day for her child then she plan it and throw it then and invite the father~I wouldn't go if I was invited anyway.....only SM for one year, SD will be two in August.....BM was invited to first b-day...which my husband and I had at our house. I didn't want he r to come...BM didn't come anyway....but I don't like her and evryone knows so she doesn't show up to anything.....like she's invited anyway.
That is why i am so mad! They
That is why i am so mad! They have done everything seperate since day one...now all of a sudden...she comes to everything of ours...dinner when the kids invite her for whateve reason...birthdays...i am so over it!
Since my first blog, we still have not talked. Obviously he can give two sh*ts what i think because his precious little monsters were hurt by my actions and my relationship was thrown away after four years because of kids.
OH YEAH....I'm second to SD
OH YEAH....I'm second to SD too......she is first in this relationship then me...my husband said. He now trys to include his daughter and I in his "statements" about life and what really matters #1 to him. I haven't really asked myself yet...am I ok with that? I guess so.....still married to him.