We are meeting with a lawyer .....I need some suggestions.
My dh and I sat down with sd (12) and talked about her math grade she is failing and emails from the teacher indicate that she is not trying her best. She is currently living with bm and at our home every Wednesday and EOW. My other sd (10) is coming to our home for visits very tired with bags underneath her eyes nearly every visit. Bm is very controlling and favors ss (7) which does not come to our home and has not been taking scheduled one on one visits with dh. Currently BM and her husband live in a small 3 bedroom home. BM's father and bm's 2 sisters (which are about the same ages as sd's) are living with them. My two sd's share a room with bm's sister (basicallly 4 girls in one small room and youngest sd is sharing a bed with bm's sister, mind you this is a twin size bed with 2 almost teenaged girls sleeping in it). So now I see why youngest sd is tired all of the time, her grades are poor as well, but she is making progress. BM is very much a PAS person, and she is bi-polar and we are unsure she is taking her meds. Obviously not a great situation for them to be in, in all honesty ss is a lost cause for us to work with bm has him so brain washed. But I feel like we have a chance with sd's. We asked them about coming to live with us and going to school where we live, they were actually excited and really want to. They don't want to hurt bm, but honestly I think they feel more stable and safe at our home. So dh and I are meeting with a lawyer, I pray that it does not break us, and I was wondering what suggestions you would give to ask for custody wise? Please any suggestions would be very much appreciated. DH is very passive and I feel like I could help him more if we had the girls in our custody. We also spoke with my bc about this and they are extremely excited about the possiblity of sd's living with us full time.
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Because ss has made it very
Because ss has made it very clear that he wants to live with bm, and he will do or say whatever he has to be there. I was acused of abuse by ss and bm although it was found unsubstantiated (sp) he is very much a threat and she is totally different with him compared to sd's. She treats him in a totally different fashion.
Stop making people a priority in your life that only make you an option in theirs! author unknown
I can totally understand why
I can totally understand why you do not consider full time with your situation.
I feel like I lead alot of this sd's are way more open with me than with dh. I think that we need to save them from bm's destruction. I know it is going to be hard but I think we can give them a much better home life and that will be worth all of the work.
Stop making people a priority in your life that only make you an option in theirs! author unknown
I've never gone through a
I've never gone through a custody hearing, so I don't have any advice, but I sure hope you guys win! Its rare to see SKs actually wanting to live with dad and SM full time, so I'm glad you have that going for you. Maybe the judge will take that into consideration? Oh and I've noticed BMs are much less likely to fight it if they don't get ordered to pay cs. Don't know your financial situation, but if you don't have to ask for it, or for much, she may fight it less. Its a lot to think about though. Good luck!
"Nobody will ever win the battle of the sexes. There's too much fraternizing with the enemy"
Questions our STUD lawyer asked when we shopped around.
Our first lawyer was a clock milker and would bait my wife in to venting on the phone, would then tell her that she really needed to work it our with BioDad and would send us a bill for a couple hundred dollars. She was frickin worthless. Though we got most of what we wanted in our first court hearing, my wife and I did most of the talking because our attorney was week, meek and malleable. Grrrrrrr! Nearly $10K and I did most of the representing.
I got sick of paying thousands of dollars for nothing so I took my wife shopping for a new lawyer.
When we first met with our current guy he asked us a few questions.
1. Are you doing this to get at BioDad of for your kids best interest
2. How much are you willing to spend to make this happen because it could be very expensive?
3. Are you willing to consider what I suggest if I don't think what you are attempting to do is reasonable or possible
4. What is it you are wanting to accomplish with this action?
He looks like Opie Cunningham but he is a smart, effective and a pit bull when forwarding our perspective in court.
Since we started using him our legal bills have gone down significantly because when BioDad gets stupid our guy sends him a letter clearly outlining what we want, what BioDad will do or what will be presented in court if BioDad does not do exactly what he is told. Once the letters are delivered by legal courier BioDad crawls back in to his hole which is exactly where we want him. We don't have to go to court because our guy scares the shit out of BioDad.
Don't stop looking until you find counsel like we have.
Good luck and best regards,