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Frustrated to the max.

yesican's picture

Submitted by yesican on Thu, 03/26/2009 - 11:32am

I am so frustrated I could cry today. DH and I had a long talk yesterday about ss and his lack of respect for dh and how dh just seems to accept it. SS is 7 and is the most selfish child I have ever seen. And bm's blames dh for ss, when she just like dh feeds into the crapiness of ss attitude and babies him. I am so thankful that I do not have to deal with ss, as he does not come to our home.

But I guess what frustrates me more is sd(12) is failing math in school and has been for several years. DH and BM do nothing to get her the help she needs.She is supposed to attend an after school program to help her but bm does not have her go, and dh says nothing about her not going. In our town it is required and if they do not go the parent can be held responsible with the law. My bc attend and it has helped them academically, grades have improved drastically. DH and I have discussed this several times and he seems to do nothing or say nothing to bm. We have talked about sd's coming to live with us, but I am afraid that dh would still do nothing to work with the school to get her the help. I have 3 bc of my own and I communicate with the school on a very consistant basis and I truly feel my plate is full with my bc, school wise and health issues.
I spoke with mil this morning to see if she could help me and she said she would try but could not promise me anything she feels that dh does not listen to her either and she is really hurt by his lack of involvement in her life. She told me that she feels that we both are outsiders and if this doesn't work we are just going to have to leave it alone and basically let bm and dh deal with it and if they don't there is nothing we can do.
This makes me very upset. I want the best for both my bd's and sd's, and I truly feel I am failing them by doing nothing. But being the sm I have no legal say.
Any advice, what should I do?
I feel in alot of ways if I just stand by and don't do anything I am failing my sd just as bm and dh do.

Comments

Sia's picture

Submitted by Sia on Thu, 03/26/2009 - 12:00pm

have to find a way to reconcile your feelings about letting them down. I too felt this way most of my sd's lives. I did have to realize that I AM just the SM and can do nothing about it if the parents are unwilling themselves. I know how hard it is and would have made my life a whole hell of a lot easier if I would have learned this sooner. This does not mean that you dont love them or that you dont care, it just means you have to direct your energy elsewhere. HUGS

yesican's picture

Submitted by yesican on Thu, 03/26/2009 - 12:22pm

Sia... I totally agree with what you say, it is so hard and that is what I am learning. I am so thankful to have st to be able to come and vent and get advice.

Stop making people a priority in your life that only make you an option in theirs! author unknown

Endora's picture

Submitted by Endora on Thu, 03/26/2009 - 12:35pm

That only a Guilt Parent can love-

Proof is in the pudding-

DH is scratching his head because all the teachers, aids and couselors LOVE Zippy (hey Silly-they are paid to) employers, strangers and anyone else in the REAL world -are trying to figure out what species Zippy is-

It is like watching a train wreck and being able to do nothing about it.....

Going to get a theraputic massage to get through the weekend (how about the rest of my life)!

Step Parenting – you might need to step back before you step in something!

sarahbernheart's picture

Submitted by sarahbernheart on Thu, 03/26/2009 - 12:59pm

stepmommy My FH and I have sons that are about the same age, mine is the older - so when my BS was in high school he was struggling not because he wasnt smart he was LAZY - how many teacher meetings I had how many counselor meetings, I took him to summer school I took him to night class, and thank goodness he graduated, (he never skipped and was never tardy either) now FH son was skipping and was tardy ALL the time and the school would call my house (FH didnt have a phone at that time) and I will tell FH...and he said really ...and I said maybe you need to call the school and set up an appt? yeah Yeah I will and he never did nor did the NCP mom either, I would say maybe you should have Unib do summer school to catch up ?? guess what NOTHING and after awhile I just gave up I found this site and wonderfully smart people said back off not your kid not your problem, now FH son is a 9th grade drop out, he never earned credits for high school.
so all the worrying for your Stepkid will not help unless ONE of the parents is willing to do something.
sorry!
"Better a diamond with a flaw than a pebble without one."

disgusted's picture

Submitted by disgusted on Thu, 03/26/2009 - 3:53pm

Yepper, thats DH with the Step Snot..The kids brings home F's and D's and he basically does nothing but "Threaten" her and lecture her but never follow through..He won't even touch base with her to see if she has home work or ever ask to see her work or anything.

She is in the sixth grade now..And got nothing but F's and D's her 3 and 4th grade years. Now we are in the sixth grade and its the same thing...

Why didn't I mention the fifth grade?? Because she got excellent grades during her entire fifth grade year and even made B honor role three semesters of her fifth grade year! That would be the school year that sugar daddy was deployed in Iraq and she was exclusively under my care and supervision.Hmmmmm.....

When it comes to Step Snot I spent 10 years beating my head against a brick wall..hers and her fathers and I finally gave up. She is not my child and not my responsibility. when her dad is not deployed she is exclusively HIS problem and responsibility. I don't even bother to try to correct her anymore...