I don't know how real the situation is, because we have not spoken much at all since SD17 left our house 1 1/2 years again. But it seems she has become unhappy in her life at BM's house and instead of finding a way to work through it she stopped eating, thus forcing a trip to the hospital and is now in a 30 day program. Less than a couple hours in the program and she has become happy as a clam, calling and texting all her friends and family about how great it is. If I sound harsh for not buying in, it is only because when she left our house it was because she told me that she thought about suicide purely so that I would take her to the hospital and she would be put under the 72 hour hold, giving BM the time and ability to come retrieve her - they planned it together. BM is not taking it well now that SD has turned on her.
The sad thing is that I trully wish this kid well. When she left us I thought maybe her mother would understand her better and give her a positive, fresh start. I hoped for the best.
I tried so hard to be the 'mom' she wanted and needed for the 6+ years that my husband had full costody, but as she became a teenager the way she felt about me changed and I was not as 'cool' or 'interesting' as BM. We stopped seeing things the same way and she stopped caring whether I approved or not - in fact she did everything she knew I would disapprove of. I trully thought it was typical teenage rebellion and trying to find herself. I was parenting the way I was raised and as she rejected me more, I held firm. The more she rejected, the firmer I held my ground - it was a complete recipe for disaster. I wish I had more patience during all that. I was angry. I was angry that she was rejecting me. I was angry that she held her mother is such high esteem (especially after her mother gave up custody to stay in an abusive marriage). I was angry that I was parenting someone else's child, while she got to do whatever she wanted with her life. I was angry and I know that I took it out on my SD. I wish I had been a better person. Maybe she wouldn't have become who she is if I had done a better job and seen the bigger picture, instead of getting caught up in the daily battles.
For my own sanity I am completely staying out of this current drama, but it is bringing back alot of feelings I thought I had moved past - especially with the 'blame game' going on. I am sure that no matter how much time passes I will still feel as though I could have and should have done better for her, but that won't change anything. And as much I take responsibility for what may or may not be my part in this, I feel badly for BM. I do not enjoy her what-so-ever, but I know what she is going through right now and I know how much it hurts. I don't wish that on anyone.