I need an attitude adjustment
I just had 2 weeks off from work. Stayed home, enjoying the family time. Skids are here for the month, DH and I have enjoyed some solo time right before they arrived so we have our blended family of 6 all happy and healthy and having fun. I went back to work today and it was SOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO hard to go back. DH is still unemployed after being laid off and it kills me to go to work and leave him and all the kids here. I was a work from home mom for YEARS so it's very difficult for me sometimes to adjust to working outside the home and having to leave my kids. I cried about it last night and DH was sweet, supportive, appreciative and simply amazing. Got up this morning, made it to the office with a decent attitude and had a pretty good day back for a Monday.
THEN
I call home to remind DH about SD's basketball practice tonight and he says: "Oh, the ex stopped by to pick-up a book that SS had that is due back to the library" and my mood goes to shit in ONE SPLIT SECOND! She apparently called him this afternoon and asked about getting the book and he said something vague about yeah, you can come get it sometime and she took that as her own personal invitation to come right then. Brought some stuff for the kids and hung out for about 15 minutes visiting with them. I can't figure out why they idea of it makes me so sick to my stomach. There are several reasons in my head but they all sound completely pathetic and DH is now irritated with ME because I'm upset about her being at MY HOUSE while I'm not there. There are several things wrapped up in this emotional outburst.
1) DH isn't working right now and BM isn't working right now so I feel like I'm the only person supporting this family. Yes, DH gets unemployment but his ex gets 1/2 of that so it's not much! So the thought of them hanging out at MY HOUSE like one big happy family while I'm at work so I can PAY for said house makes me sick to my stomach!
2) I think of MY HOME as a BM Free Zone. She has been here twice before in the 2 years we have been together. Both times were to pick up the kids, not Hang Out for a few minutes chatting.
3) It pisses me off that DH is so strongly opinionated about BM when he is talking to ME but when he's talking to HER they act like there's not a damn thing wrong.
4) I've busted my ass to help DH with a visitation modification that she has made as difficult as possible and he's all mad and trash-talking behind her back but says nothing to her directly.
5) He's pissed at her for a number of things and has said for the past several months that he's going to "let her have it" about any or all of them yet has done NOTHING so far about ANY of them.
I hate fighting and I hate that I sometimes let the BM have this much control over my emotions and my happiness I just haven't figured out a way to deal with it.
I know I have what she never will. I know my DH is loyal to me and we have the happy marriage and family that she will never have with him but times like this all I feel like is a fool who is being taken advantage of by my DH and some woman that I have zero respect for.
OK, vent over.....I think I'm gonna grab a glass of wine and soak in the tub and try to be in a better mood by the time my DH gets home. 
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Completely understandable
Completely understandable feelings. Have the glass of wine and mellow out. You can change what happens only your reaction to it.
The biggest thing is in all
The biggest thing is in all of this I don't feel like my husband stood up for me. His ex called a few days after we had the kids, I answered the phone and told her NO basically when she asked if she should bring some stuff for the kids because that is how DH claimed he wanted us to handle things. (See previous post for details if you're interested)
Yet, when she calls and HE ANSWERS the phone (and she KNOWS when I'm working and typically ONLY calls during that time) he basically says "sure".
So now I look like the psycho bitchy jealous new wife. Which I'll admit I can be a little territorial, but I'm not psycho bitchy and jealous about most things. I just can't understand how he can't have my back like I have his. I seriously think I'm starting to care about what she does/doesn't do more than he does. Maybe I need to back off and just let them handle it however they want to. But that's going to mean that I'm not going to listen to him bitch and whine when he doesn't win his court case he has against her because I'm not going to remind him ONE MORE TIME about anything he needs to do to prepare for it. He wants to wait until the last minute, he can do it his damn self. I love them but they aren't my kids and this isn't my battle. I have my shit with my ex's sorted out, maybe he needs to sort his own out and I need to let go and back away and stop worrying about everyone else all the time.
Well, DH and I talked and I
Well, DH and I talked and I feel a little bit better. I'm still not happy that it happened but I know he did the right thing as a parent to let his kids spend a few minutes with their mom while she was here. She was only in my front yard, she never came into the house and he swears she never will. She asked to see the kids and he told her to wait a second and shut the door. Apparently when she had called he told her they'd work something out about the book later this week and when she asked about bringing the other things he told her (as had I) that it wasn't necessary. Then he handed the phone to the kids and she supposedly told them that she was coming today (that's what she told DH when he asked her what she was doing here). The kids wouldn't have known that wasn't a good idea so I can't really be mad at them.
DH seems to understand why I was upset although he doesn't necessarily understand why I was THAT upset. I tried to explain that I'm more upset with the situation in general and not so much at him plus it's a Monday and my 1st day back at work and we are working 10 hour days/4 days a week for the rest of the summer so I'm exhausted. I told him that sometimes I just get tired of taking the High Road and doing the Right thing when people like his ex get to do whatever they want with zero consequence. But as we all know....life isn't fair. I do like what he said tonight about she didn't win anything. She got to listen to the kids talk about all the fun we have had the last two weeks and everything we have done with them and then she got to get in her car and drive away leaving them here to have more fun. Sometimes it just takes an alternate view of the universe to put a smile back on my face.
Thinks for being my place to vent tonight ladies.....hope you all are well!
Oh, trust and believe me when
Oh, trust and believe me when I say that I feel your plight! My husband too has an ex (not wife, but mother to his children nonetheless) and here too, he trash talks about her about the things he hates and how she is, but NEVER says anything directly to her.
I think some of these men need to grow a pair. I dont mean be disrespectful towards the BM, but I DO mean they need to stop being pansies and stop worrying if they look like the bad guy, and say what's on their minds! Believe me, I hate it when he tries to word everything so carefully to the point where it sounds like he's placing blame on himself to avoid conflict.
consider yourself lucky - you've figured out how NOT to let this conume you...unlike me, I dwell on this stuff for hours and want to vent on end...Him bitching to me abut her but never to her face makes me feel like he still has something for her...since hes so worried about her and how she will react. Have you ever felt that way?
"Him bitching to me abut her
"Him bitching to me abut her but never to her face makes me feel like he still has something for her...since hes so worried about her and how she will react. Have you ever felt that way?"
I have felt EXACTLY like that. It's like they are sometimes so concerned with hurting her feelings that they stomp all over ours in the process.
However, he's dealt with her for YEARS and he's tired of it always being a fight and nothing changing. And he's right. It's not like if he gripes one more time that a light bulb is suddenly going to switch on in her head and she'll suddenly become the perfect co-parent and always agreeable ex-wife! She's always going to be WHO SHE IS. Really, I should be thankful, she's never attacked me verbally or physically like some of the women have had to deal with on here. A lot of this is MY PROBLEM that I need to work on not letting her get to me when it's really a small thing in the bigger picture.
Good luck to you!
Same problem here. My husband
Same problem here. My husband talks so much trash about his sons mother but hardly ever says anything to her about how he feels about her lack of parenting.
He talks to me on end about how she doesn't do this and doesn't do that but when he even remotely mentions it to her she says "I guess I'm just a bad mother" and they leave it at that.
If you have read any of my posts it is more than obvious that she is a horrible parent.
I agree with the earlier post.....some men just need to grow a pair!!!