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Can time really heal?

WhereDidIPutMyBroom's picture

Submitted by WhereDidIPutMyBroom on Tue, 11/08/2011 - 12:04pm

So, my DH and I are currently separated. We both made some huge mistakes. We are in counceling to work on our relationship. I feel like I have had a breath of fresh air. I was dying living as a nobody in his house with his DD14 and DD11. We do not see each other often, but we talk on the phone all of the time. He always answers my calls or texts. I actually feel like being apart is making us stronger. I will NEVER move back in his house simply because it was HIS house that he picked out with HIS 2nd wife. I never felt like it was mine. As for our separation...we have decided to take it slow and work on becoming stronger. My worst fear is that we will spend all this time apart...and if we move back together that it will all go back to the same way it was. So I ask...can time really heal? Does absence really make the heart grow fonder?

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ThatGirl's picture

Submitted by ThatGirl on Tue, 11/08/2011 - 12:17pm

Time can help cool the hurt, but won't really heal it. A new house that is "Yours" and not "Theirs" makes a big difference, too. The biggest thing will be if he can learn to put you first. You need to be treated as an equal partner in your relationship and his daughters need to be reminded that they are the children and not the adults.

smileygirl's picture

Submitted by smileygirl on Tue, 11/08/2011 - 12:23pm

I don't think that time necessarly "heals" wounds but the counseling and you two reconnecting sounds like your working in the right direction. It sounds like you are both doing the right things and making the right choices to work through your issues so that your marriage may be okay in the end. I would continue down the path your taking now, proceed with caution and absolutly buy YOU BOTH a new house to share if you choose to get back togeather. Good luck and best wishes. Keep us posted on your progress.

Lalena75's picture

Submitted by Lalena75 on Tue, 11/08/2011 - 12:25pm

This is my first time posting so bear with me. I've not been in your situation but my SO probably feels similar. The house we live in was mine and my ex's (it was actually the exks childhood home but was agreed on purchase from his mom no matter what the house was mine for the kids) I've tried to let him make it his home by having him make remodeling choices that he likes new curtians paint etc. Counciling is good but only if you are both honest about what you need to fix the existing problems. You have to be willing to lay it on the table what the deal breakers are and be willing to follow through if those can't be fixed to walk away. You can't be happy together if you can't be happy alone. Focus on you, what you need in your life for just you, then see if your plan B can work with each other. Yes absence can make the heart grow fonder but it can also cloud the original underlying problems. Don't know if that helps it's just my 2 cents.

Cocoa's picture

Submitted by Cocoa on Tue, 11/08/2011 - 1:19pm

i think with the two of you living apart, he'll HAVE to make an effort to make time for you. maybe this, combined with the counseling, you can renegotiate the terms of your relationship. you have empowered yourself. good for you! so many women are afraid to step back, not realizing men respond to action, not words.