When will I friggin learn?
So it seems SS17 is more of a loser than I thought. He is driving a vehicle that was given to him because of a death in the family. He feels entitled to it. Whatever. He lives with his BM but WE pay his car insurance - nearly $2500 a year. He's supposed to pay half. We prepaid for the year to save a little $ and SS17 is supposed to pay us back a little every month...he is now 3 months behind. I don't ask, because whenever I mention SS17 my DH gets his knickers in a twist and we fight. SO I disengaged.
DH brought up the delinquent payments and I flipped out. Not because of the money, but the principle. This kid isn't held accountable for anything! He smokes weed, drinks underage, is failing 2 classes, talks back, is a lazy piece of shit...NEVER any consequences. Still has "his" vehicle which is in DH's name and on MY insurance policy. Why isn't that vehicle parked in my driveway??? Because Disney Dad needs to grow a pair.
Last night I had it. I told DH he's a fool for letting his son get away with EVERYTHING. He's not teaching valuable lessons. He's being negligent as a dad. SS17 is going to end up in jail because he is incapable of making smart choices and no one is guiding him. DH keeps doing the same thing "I'm disappointed in you son. I have higher expectations of you. You need to do better" SS17 says, "I know dad. Give me another week" AND HE GETS ANOTHER WEEK!!! WTF?? Ridiculous
Because I voiced my opinion (I KNOW...I KNOW...NOT MY KID) DH told me to butt out and he doesn't need my support. He really hurt me with what he said. I thought being in a marriage involved supporting your spouse. I didn't realize you can pick and choose where that support lies. Asshole.
So I said "I got it! No support when it comes to the skids." It's gonna be a great summer.
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So since your DH does not
So since your DH does not want your support and the insurance is in your name CANCEL THE FRIGGING INSURANCE!
Get your refund back and the kid can go get his OWN insurance.
I know! I said that, too.
I know! I said that, too. It would create so much unrest between DH and myself that I don't know if I have the balls.
I really should because SS is such a supreme asshole. I was thinking of telling him that he owes ME the money since it's my policy and if he doesn't pay it by the end of this month, I will be cancelling it.
Ugh - it's too early for wine...
You have a perfectly good
You have a perfectly good reason to take this kid off of your insurance policy. He's a teenager who drinks, smokes weed, and is not responsible. You should not have to suffer the consequences of his actions should he plow somebody over.
Cancel the fucking insurance.
Cancel the fucking insurance. I've been married 31 years to a bonehead and that's all they understand, is ACTION. Man this kind of thing pisses me off!
What are you worried about?
What are you worried about? He'd divorce you? If so, your marriage isn't that strong anyway. I'd rather be divorced this month than 10 years down the road!
What are you worried about? That he will pout and have a tantrum? Let him be mad. He will get over it. Maybe some day he will thank you for having the balls he didn't.
Here is the thing, you
Here is the thing, you control this situation. If the insurance is in your name, honestly you are foolish. If he kills someone, they are coming after you! You can lose everything.
My SD18 turned 18 and I celebrated that we were no longer in anyway liable. We don't pay her car insurance, but we still had legal custody and no influence in how she was raised. She just totaled her car a couple weeks ago and I am grateful, she managed to do it after she turned 18!
Say no, and take him off your insurance. My sis is an attorney for one of the largest carriers and her recommendation is not to insure them if they are reckless, cause they go after the ones with the deepest pockets. My SD was drinking and driving, skipping class, drugs and lots of other reckless behaviors. I spent the year from 17-18 worrying and watching Twitter so I could see what she was up to. If nothing else to protect my household and my pocket book.
You're absolutely right! I
You're absolutely right! I just got a sick feeling when I read your post because not only is the ins policy in my name so is the house! When DH and I got married, he moved in with me. We were going to refinance to get his name on the mortgage and the deed but the rates were lousy so we never did. OMG. I am so EFFED if SS gets in an accident. Which also means MY kids will pay the price. This has to change.
DH told me to butt out and he
DH told me to butt out and he doesn't need my support.
DH pulled this shit on me last year. Sorry for his luck, I disengaged completely. Can't have it both ways, you can't tell me to "mind my own business" in one breath and "act like a mother to SD16" in the next breath. Nope. Not going to happen.
We had a huge blow out a few weeks ago because DH had his panties in a bunch that I don't do anything for or with SD16. If she needs a ride somewhere? that is DH problem (not my business), she needs a bra? that is DH problem (not my business), out of tampons? DH problem (not my business) Sorry, but one can not "act like a mother" whilst "minding their own business"
Stick to your guns widow! Your DH wants you to butt out? By all freaking means, butt out COMPLETELY!
"DH told me to butt out and
"DH told me to butt out and he doesn't need my support" well that easily equates to "doesn't need the support of you carrying ss on car insurance" - so get to it and get ss off the policy!
DH's argument is that HE pays
DH's argument is that HE pays the bill even though it's in MY name, so this really doesn't involve me. Um. Yeah it does. This is going to blow apart my marriage...
HE can get his own policy
HE can get his own policy separate from yours. If this ends your marriage, your marriage has a foundation built on quicksand rather than rock.
BTW - I am so glad I found
BTW - I am so glad I found this forum. NONE of my friends or family are steps and they just have no clue how badly it sucks being a stepmom! I want to spend time and energy with my DH - like newlyweds. But those bastard skids and their BM keep butting their hideous faces in and ruin everything. I DON'T WANT TO SHARE!! IT'S MY SANDBOX!! HE'S MINE NOW, GO AWAY!
Thanks for allowing me to vent. Now can you all come over and help me tell DH that I will be removing SS17 from the ins???
Foxie - I'm not sure I know
Foxie - I'm not sure I know what you mean about the box for his car? What is that? Is it a monitor of his driving habits? If that's the case, I'm all for that!
You make it factual, not
You make it factual, not emotional.
The fact is, the 2 of you have a lot to lose with his kid being on your policy since the house is in your name. You think it would be a good idea to for the kid to NOT be on your policy, for everybody's protection and best interests.
You really need to get the
You really need to get the insurance changed. I won't even let SS18 drive our vehicle ever as we would be liable for anything that happens. Same with insurance. No way. My wife is the same. Its just not worth it to be on the hook if they injure or kill someone from driving like an idiot.
I just tried to access my
I just tried to access my policy online just to see what's going on. I got into my account but I can't access the auto policy because the name has been changed in the policy...WTF? Just the auto policy, not the homeowner's. Oh HALE no - DH is not playing this game. How can the ins. co. change a name on MY policy w/o my consent. Calling....
Sounds like you married a
Sounds like you married a controlling asshole. Is he like this in other areas? Or just to do with his precious sperm-that-won?
Just with his kids...he knows
Just with his kids...he knows I'm not going take any shit. I already called the ins co and got everything handled. He doesn't control me. I came out of an abusive controlling 17 marriage before I married DH...there is no way in hell I would put up with that again. ANd, he knows that.
P.S. Precious sperm that won made me spit out my water...lmao. Thanks for that!
Just found out that a minor,
Just found out that a minor, in my state, cannot have an ins policy of their own. A minor cannot sign a contract w/o a parent...so wth is the difference if he's on our policy or DH cosigns? Bullshit. ANd in my state, It doesn't matter what belongs to DH or what belongs to me (House, Ins, Car etc.) we are married and own ALL property equally. So even the fact that it's DH's car that SS drives, in the case of a low suit, they can take MY house because we co-own all property. My state follows British Marital Law. SUCH BULLSHIT!
I want to take the effing car back and tell SS he's on his own. I HATE THAT KID!