You are here

I am JUST the step mom

weekendwidow's picture

Submitted by weekendwidow on Mon, 04/28/2014 - 1:30pm

For the longest time, I wanted the Brady Bunch family. I (very naively)thought we could all "blend" and be a family. Now I know differently and have to accept that I am JUST the step mom. I will not be respected...since my SD21 and SS17 don't even respect their own dad or themselves, for that matter.

I will not be remembered on my birthday or mother's day (see above) I am JUST the step mom. I will not hear "Hi, how are you?" or "Thank You" or "I care" or "Do you need help"?. I am JUST the step mom.

I don't get a say on how the skids are parented or guided. I don't get asked for advice or input. I am JUST the step mom.

So DH, don't ask me to care for, nurture and love those skids who despise the very thought of me. Do not assume that I want to offer my heart to people who made, and continue to make, it perfectly clear that I am JUST the step mom.

If you ask me why, I will tell you, because I am JUST the step mom.

Comments

Hopingforthebest's picture

Submitted by Hopingforthebest on Mon, 04/28/2014 - 2:05pm

Unfortunately we all start out this way, hoping to have a loving blended family, but also, unfortunately, as long as you have a BM that is hell bent on making sure to sabotage your relationship with her kids it just is not going to happen.. how long have you been in their lives?

weekendwidow's picture

Submitted by weekendwidow on Mon, 04/28/2014 - 2:18pm

Been in their lives for 3 years, their Step monster (their sentiment, not mine) for 2. I've decided I just can't care any more. I need to alter my expectations to virtually nothing or I will be upset ALL of the time. I'm to the point where I say ,"I'll parent my kids and you'll parent yours"

farting_glitter's picture

Submitted by farting_glitter on Mon, 04/28/2014 - 2:37pm

don't take this the wrong way, but the Skids are 17 and 21....there isn't any reason for you to "parent" them....

weekendwidow's picture

Submitted by weekendwidow on Mon, 04/28/2014 - 3:20pm

I respectfully disagree. When the 17 year old is flunking out of school and caught drinking, smoking weed and driving under the influence...a parent s most certainly needed. When the 21 year old calls crying that her husband is physically pushing her around. A parent is also needed. To parent, is an action word and doesn't stop because of the ages of children. The parenting duties change, but don't go away. Smile

farting_glitter's picture

Submitted by farting_glitter on Mon, 04/28/2014 - 8:26pm

I will always be a parent to MY bios....no doubt....but not to anyone else's kids...not at that age......hell no....

hereiam's picture

Submitted by hereiam on Mon, 04/28/2014 - 8:35pm

What glitter is saying is, it is not your responsibility to parent them. And if nobody is supporting you or accepting you in a parenting role, don't waste your energy. It is hard enough for step-parents when the kids are young, much less when they are adults or almost adults.

What is your DH doing about all of this? They are his children, after all. Where is BM?

weekendwidow's picture

Submitted by weekendwidow on Mon, 05/05/2014 - 2:55pm

BM has her own issues and is pretty much a loser. I understand what glitter is saying and I agree that it's not my job. In my opinion, DH is doing everything wrong, completely wrong. And it's absolutely none of my business.

I just wish I didnt have to have SS in my house or on vacations with us and my bios...he just a loser. Ugh.

weekendwidow's picture

Submitted by weekendwidow on Mon, 04/28/2014 - 3:21pm

I think that's a sort of freedom. I'm heading in that direction for sure. I just don't care any more and My give a damn is busted.

toywas's picture

Submitted by toywas on Mon, 04/28/2014 - 5:41pm

Per DH's kids - I am not a stepmom, I am only DH's wife, BUT I am also the fridge, the house to eat, shit, and drink, the house to pick up money from dad, and of course, the house to see dad.

canigetabm's picture

Submitted by canigetabm on Mon, 04/28/2014 - 6:24pm

I am content to keep it the way it is...Don't ask or blame me.....I don't care "i'm just the GF". Look at it as a blessing I know I do.

"Hey DF going out with the girls"....."what am i supposed to do with SD14?" "Don't know....not my problem and I'm just the GF"-my BS is covered. Have fun with that.

Bojangles's picture

Submitted by Bojangles on Mon, 04/28/2014 - 7:39pm

Yeah, it took me a looong time to let go of the Brady Bunch dream. Even now I sometimes relapse for a few minutes and start wanting to make an effort again. I get everyday 'thank you's' and 'how are you', and token birthday presents, but I don't get 'I care' or 'how can I help', or the big thank you's for the years of effort and care. And I was almost always the one making all the running, I found that if I don't make the effort, no other bugger will either.

weekendwidow's picture

Submitted by weekendwidow on Tue, 04/29/2014 - 6:50am

I hate being a step mom! There I said it. I LOVE and ADORE my husband and I can't stand his entitled, selfish, rude, and inconsiderate offspring. I CAN'T STAND THEM!!!!!!!!! But I have to "tolerate" them on a regular basis because I love my DH. This is so unfair. My bios LOVE their Step dad, why am I (and ALL step moms) the devil incarnate?

Frustr8d1's picture

Submitted by Frustr8d1 on Tue, 04/29/2014 - 6:59am

Don't bother with making someone a priority in your life when you are only an option in theirs. I hate being a step mom too! I hate that instead of enjoying my life, I have to TOLERATE my life. My bio gets along great with her step dad, while SD and I are like Oil & Water. We don't mix.