well if my computer decides to crash again I might scream..

ok.. so issues #1- MIL and I planned to go to an event (event occurred this past weekend). we talked about it made plans. done right? wrong. well when we were speaking about it MIL asked if s-kid would be here I said no (bc it wasn't our wkend/time with her) MIL mentioned how she wished s-kid would be here, I agreed and we both wanted s-kid here bc we know BM wont do what was going on with kiddo.. Fast-forward a few days... MIL calls just to chit chat and catch up. she mentions how she asked BM if her, s-kid, and BM other kid wanted to go to said event. wait what? yeah. so I said oh well ok. left it at that but instantly knew I did not want to attend. I am sorry, BM and DH weren't married therefore what is the big deal with including BM in certain things?? and while we all love the other child also he is of no biological anything to any of us (not saying that bc of that we shouldn't include him so don't think that at all please). anyways, needless to say my bio child and I did not attend said event.. im confused here and slightly hurt. I don't enjoy seeing ppl that I love and care about it get used and abused. what is the difference bt physical abuse and then mental and emotional abuse??? to me there isn't one at all. the abuse is still very real. when someone is abused physically and they stand up and defend themselves they are praised and congratulated and helped and so forth. but when someone is mentally and emotionally abused and they attempt to stand up and say NO MORE will u use me and abuse me it is wrong and un-Christian like. since when is that correct? I will not allow someone to abuse me, use me, and tear me down. I realize that helping is the godly thing to do but when is enough enough. it just is not right. so that is issue #1... am I justified in being frustrated and upset about it???

issue #2- well tomorrow is the day that s-kid comes for summer. which I can honestly say I have been somewhat excited about despite the issues I know are to come. we have our summer vacations planned and I am excited to tell the kids... well DH mentions how he needs to call BM to figure out what to do about getting my s-kid tomorrow.. I was rather confused. why do we need to call and figure it out again?? the court papers spell it out in black ink that beginning july 1 at 6pm thru july 31 at 6pm.. whats hard to get about that again????? oh yes, nothing, therefore we have to make something difficult. whatever. I said well s-kid can come with me but this bus leaves at such and such time and if BM can have s-kid here in the morning no later than this time, then that is great, s-kid can join me tomorrow.. if BM isn't here at said time, the bus is leaving at that time. sorry. (which I had extended the time by 10 minutes than normal to accommodate BM.. why you ask?? I guess bc I am a huge DUMBASS) whelp apparently that wasn't good enough for anyone, DH included. which idk why it is such a shock to say that time in the morning seeing how BM has to be at work at 8am anyways so the time I was leaving initially wasn't unreasonable for BM to get s-kid here and then get her lazy butt to work at 8am. whatever. guess I didn't bend over front ways far enough for everyone. this past week. oh well..

I have to take the advice of an old co-worker... I need to make sure that I have set aside time for ME. time to remember that I am to be the top of MY list. because if I am NOT happy then I cannot do what I need to do for anyone and I cannot be who I need or who the people around me need to be... I need to take myself from the bottom of my list and put myself back at the top. period.

I really hope the rest of the summer goes well and I will count down the days until the 1st day of the school year!! READY SET GO!!!!!!!!!!!