How to deal with a lazy ADULT SS?
My eldest SS (almost 22) moved back to his home state of AZ, where his mother is, last November to try and get his life back in order and on track. He was able to enroll in the local university and actually did very well, grade-wise, this spring semester.
However, since returning home some 7 months ago, he's worked all of a few weeks at a deli (they had to downsize and the last hired is the first fired). I have sent him job leads since Feb, his father has tried to help thru connections who could maybe hire him, even his mother has pushed and offered to help and yet he still has no job.
Of course his idea of looking for a job is sitting at his computer for a few minutes and filling out a couple on-line applications a week. Needless to say, his lack of a paycheck is sucking us dry (his mother contributes nothing financially).
We've always known one of his downfalls is lack of motivation; even as a kid, for example, he'd refuse to put in the time and energy to complete the extra credit for a school assignment, knowing he was going to get an A anyway, so why put in the effort for an A+?
How can I get him off is lazy butt and get a job? More importantly, how can I get my husband to lay down the law, give SS an ultimatum, something to get him working and contributing to society as something more than a couch potato?
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Comments
WHy should you SS work when
WHy should you SS work when he can get by with dear old dad forking over the money and the two of you going without.
SS has no respect that he's spending money that you two could go out on and do something nice for yourselves. He doesn't care that you can go without so he can sit on his butt, live for free with his mom, and not do anything.
So since he doesn't care, pull off the old "money teat" and quit allowing him to sit back and contribute nothing.
When we hire, it's because someone has taken the time to come talk with us, fill out the form, while they're doing that we're evaluating them. It's always a good thing they made the effort to come into our office. Sometimes we know somewhere that they can use the help.
For someone to call us or email for a job application, we tell them they need to come to our office. That's the first test for initiative. We're only going to hire someone who shows they're willing to work.
Sorry you're going through that....as long as dad lets him hang on the "teat", Ss will be there. Nothing you can do, except lose respect for your husband for helping someone who doesn't even try to help themselves....except to your money.
I agree with everything
I agree with everything above. I KNOW it is hard to find work, but he is not making enough of an effort. I think you need to come up with a plan for him to find work in a certain timeframe, and then he needs his own place.
My boyfriend has 3 adult children. One is 18, failed a year of school, so he will be in high school again this year. I don't expect him to even attempt to find work when he graduates next year.
The 19 year old refuses to work, has been out of school a year, and has never worked. He had a chance at a decent job, but he wants certain hours, certain days, and a salary that will never happen. He sits home all day on the computer. I think he has applied to 3 jobs.
The 22 year old works 20-25 hours a week and calls out a lot. Those hours, according to her, are way too much, she is "so stressed." OMG.
My boyfriend works 6 days a week, at a physically demanding job. He has done this for over 20 years. His ex has never worked, she thinks that suing people is the best job. The kids and her seem to see my bf as a check only. I don't get how you can sit all day. I am job hunting and keeping busy as possible. I could never sit on the couch all day and night. But I think if you do, the longer you do it, the easier it becomes.
I would not move in with my boyfriend until he promised me that they would never be allowed to come here. We are still having problems bc even though they are not here, the constant texts and emails for money are ridiculous. I am impressed bc my bf did tell his daughter the other night that she is making bad decisions. He admitted to me that if they were here, they would sit on the couch all day and do nothing. I knew that.....
Your husband has to get his son on some kind of timeframe to find work. He should be out of the house every day, putting applications everywhere. He can also be helping you around the house. The longer he sits around, the worse it will get.
I wish you tons of luck!