The best laid plans of mice and men....
So, been bragging about my perfect Christmas, first one in several years...not to be.
Every Christmas Eve, my 2 SIL's and their families gather at the ones house. Each year.
SS is always a no show. He wants nothing to do with DH's family, only BM's family means anything.
This year, even knowing the bad blood between us, DH invites SS and DOES NOT TELL ME.
And no shit, SS and his wife walk through the door....
I look DH right in the eye and ask, why did you not tell me he was coming?
Response, 3 times: I thought you knew. I just looked at him and said, this is just wrong.
How ridiculous.
Grabbed my purse, got in my truck, left his ass there. I did find out my SIL did not know they were coming.
So I went home and next door, where another family Christmas party was going on. I love DH's family as I have none of my own.
I had no emotions about this...no crying, almost no anger. But I really thought I could get this one Christmas in without an issue.
Quick back story: SS and I made up in 2012 and the 2012 December Christmas was GRAND!!! Very happy all the way around and then.....nothing....at all...
I asked DH, why won't they (SS and wife) come to the house and his answer? You make them uncomfortable. I asked why, as I have not even seen them. He doesn't know.
Last year, they (SS and wife) hosted a lunch and didn't invite me but, oh, I was invited according to DH. I told DH, nope, not going until SS wants to talk and clear the air. Invitation wasn't to me anyway. Well, when I suggested that, I got a response from SS's wife that said that I really needed to put the past behind me. Fuck y'all. You seemed to be making the rules now somebody better explain them to me.
I told DH then, I am done with this. I have never kept him from his son, even encouraged him to see the SS. There is a lot I am not including because I am sitting here so pissed. Regardless, DH had them show up tonight and didn't even tell me....I found out when they showed up. Not cool DH, and not well played.....
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Comments
Wow, what a knife-in-the-back
Wow, what a knife-in-the-back betrayal. I've had to deal with this sort of stunt being pulled by in-laws, but would be very hurt if my spouse was the one pulling the strings.
What happened when your DH got home? Did he have anything to say for himself after ruining your Christmas?
XJ, that is how I felt, too,
XJ, that is how I felt, too, like a knife in the back. I have been married to DH for 12 years so there were still a few spots left for another knife back there :(....when I got home from the cousins party last night, he was already home, in bed and asleep.
He is still asleep but I will update the come-to-Jesus-meeting when that happens this morning. Shouldn't be too bad as I don't have a lot of emotion to spend on him.
The other thing is, I have slowly lost all respect and love for DH. I knew this marriage was on its way out for a while now and after the sale of our house goes through, I will have a chance to start over with just me. That is the only thing that has kept me here this long.
DH and I were friends though, and this is the part that hurts. Even with a failing marriage we get along great. He knew this would hurt me, he really knew this. I am not just guessing or assuming. To do this is beyond what I am capable of understanding.
I am a truth teller so if I had stayed at the SIL party, I would have gone right up to SS and asked him why I make him uncomfortable and why he won't come to the house. He is a narc like his momma and has some pretty sweet games up his sleeve when it comes to targeting people and making them look crazy, so I decided quickly that this should not be my course of action LOL!
No matter what happens with DH today, I am creating my great Christmas...just a little blemish on the day and a hope that this is all behind me by next year.
"feel uncomfortable" "am
"feel uncomfortable" "am uncomfortable" :
translation: "know you can see through my bullshit and I don't like it"
Just substitute the first phrases for the latter.
I am sorry you went through
I am sorry you went through this - and like you I would also have left.
Your DH crossed quite a few lines here: he could have told you he asked SS to come. (And told you he didnt know if he was coming or not.) It is even more out of line that he invites SS to a something and doesnt even tell the host. Plain rude.
I think when this kind of thing happens in the festive season it hurts more, because we expect our families and loved ones to show us love and considerations. Scheming and subterfuge really does feel like betrayal of the worst kind.
I really do marvel at people who brush off weeks, months or years of BS and then expect me to do the same because it is THEIR kid... Damn Santa keeps forgetting to bring me amnesia for Christmas.