You are here

12 years and fed up

Vanna Gates's picture

Submitted by Vanna Gates on Sat, 09/07/2019 - 4:49pm

My husband and I have been 2gether for 12 years, he has helped me raise my 2 boys, high school graduates, 1 of which had a few semesters in college....but he has a daughter that was just turning 3 when we got 2gether, the BM has never really let go of him, where I did not speak with my ex to share and co parent, it is a complete different situation with her, she kept the child sick for a long time when all she needed was an E.N.T. which we finally had to push that to get her tonsils removed, then she breast fed her till she was 7, not breastfeeding her new daughter, fast forward, she recently married for the last 3 year's, and now divorcing, has moved back, and wants my husband to come visit there till his daughter decides when what where and who she wants to visit, in the past it was always 2 hours just to pick her up or longer, we have purchased a beautiful home and have lived here 4 years now the child has her own room, run of the whole house, and her dad when she is here, I dream up many activities to do, his family tries to come visit when we have her, but now that they have moved back from Georgia she is hateful with him on the phone, and he is the sweetest most patient man until I told him to stand up for himself, and I said that if he spends time at their house like in the past I am done and leaving, I am not doing this anymore!, Am I wrong?

 

Comments

SteppedOut's picture

Submitted by SteppedOut on Sat, 09/07/2019 - 7:23pm

 Is there not a custody order? What does it say?

Going and spending time at ex-wife's house to see the child is not ok, in my opinion. What about a park or something? Why not bring child to your house, even if just for a few hours? 

 

justmakingthebest's picture

Submitted by justmakingthebest on Sun, 09/08/2019 - 4:15pm

So BM wants his parenting time at her house?

Do you have a custody order?  Your husband can prevent her from moving across state lines from him if you want to go down that path. He just needs to file within a month or 2 of the move.

No, you are not out of line for being upset by the idea him only having visitation there.

I do disagree with the idea that parents shouldn't communicate at all, because I think a good co-parenting relationship does have communication regularly. I speak to my children's father and stepmother probably weekly to keep them in the loop of things going on with them. We have a simple group text so we can share things. My kids are teens and I feel that a united front and our kids knowing that we are friendly and communicate means that there is going to be less manipulation by them as the years progress.

Also in our case, my ex and his wife are 3,000 miles away and DH is 1,300 miles from his son. His ex refuses communication and has alienated my SS beyond measure. Out of state/long distance parenting plans can be tricky but after the age of 6 they can fly unaccompanied. 

Your husband's ex needs to put her on a plane and she needs to spend - a large chunk of the summer, spring break, 1/2 of winter break and every other Thanksgiving with you, where you live. You and your DH should also be granted liberal visitation when you visit her state- to be exercised in whatever hotel or resort you are staying in.

shamds's picture

Submitted by shamds on Sun, 09/08/2019 - 5:41pm

Co-parenting and communicating with them isn’t possible as they are constantly seeking ways to get power. 

After my husband divorced his ex 11+ years ago, it was so nasty from her end that for the 6+ years after when he picked up his girls for weekend visits etc, ss had to enter the house to get his sisters and help with their bags etc. There was nothing he could talk about with the exwife in a civil way so hubby didn’t 

most men who dealt with a nasty divorce or abusive cheating relationship won’t be spending time in exwifes home with their kids. My husbands ex tried to force his shit last year and i asked hubby did he want to spend time with his kids there where she controlled the direction of the conversation and terms etc and he said of course not.

there was no court order in place demanding that as a requirement so hubby ignored that request and pushed for meets outside. Its about respecting boundaries. If skids invited their bio mum and stepdad into my and my hubbys home, i would call the police and have ss kicked out for hubby to deal with. exwife and her family is batshit effin crazy and he current hudband enables and supports her behaviour, i cannot have her anywhere near my kids