Long Blog...but need advice as usual...
So...I am learning to ignore SD7 and just call her out in front of her dad...and then she actually gets punished and I have even learned to stand up to future monster-in-law when she trashes me for not having babies at 17.
What I never mentioned about FH and I is that he never gave me a ring...but he does have it...he just never gave it to me...This year was the first V-day we had without kids. Every year BM gets to have Vday, Mother's Day...blah blah blah...I never get to celebrate anything. So I really thought this would be it...he would finally officially give me the ring. I was so excited...I laid out a dress, did my hair and my nails, wore my expensive eye shadow and I was already when I realized he was not ready to take me to dinner. I said, "Are you going to change your shirt?" He says, nah, I am going like this...he was supposed to take me to a fancy restaurant...now I had heard idiot monster in law say, :this is just another day: a million times BUT I did not realize this had rubbed off on him...and he did tell me to take the night off from work...
I flipped put jeans on and we went and got a sandwich...did I mention the only thing he gave me was a card? We had agreed not to buy anything for Vday but he has had my ring for 10 months! WTH? So needless to say I went to bed and cried for a good 1/2 an hour before he came to bed. Then, I went crazy. I needed to know WHY? what is he waiting for? I told him this is it...I am done. Either figure out what he wants or I am gone...I don't need this...You don't have to be knocked up to get engaged!!! This is what seems to be happening all over my hometown and that is how his last relationship happened...Oops! Baby...ring...marriage...she decided to stop taking her pills and NOT tell him...Oops! and then divorce...NOT ME! I refuse to let that happen! I really want things to be done the old fashioned way!
to top it all off he put my card on the counter where he knew I would not notice it but sd7 did! She found it and I could hear her giggling and him yelling NO! give it back! And she ran in and gave it to me. She just started out the day by ruining it automatically...the one thing he gave me and he couldnt even give it to me himself because she had to ruin it...wth. Of course...I told him SHE ruined my day right off the bat because she WILL NOT listen...I am so sick of her. WHAT A BRAT!
He has decided because he knew how hurt I was that he is going to do a "redo" V-day...So, I am going to give him that second chance to show me he really can do it right if he wants to...now, WHAT IF HE DOES NOT GIVE ME THAT RING? I just don't understand what he is waiting for...He is 5 years older than me...which makes him 30. Does he NOT want to "re-do" his life? I really think he is waiting for BM to get engaged first...or he is afraid of what his crazy mom will say...How much longer do I wait? What do I do? It's making me crazy.
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Very sorry you had a crappy
Very sorry you had a crappy VDay. 10 months of knowing he has a ring but hasn't given it to you must drive you crazy! (ok, it would drive ME crazy!)
In my last relationship (before DH) I dated a guy for 11 years. Yes, I know 11 YEARS!!! anyway, I finally told him what I wanted in my future: marriage, maybe kids, and if he didn't want that he needed to let me know. I did this in a non-confrontational manner, and gave him 2 months to think about it so it wasn't "an ultimatum" for him. When I finally told him "I'm done" and I was packing my stuff, he said "fine, let's get married".
That was when I realized thaf if I had to MAKE him do it, and it didn't come from him alone, it really didn't count. I didn't want to MAKE him want to spend the rest of his life with me, HE had to choose it on his own.
I'm not sure of all the details of your situation, but have you tried talking to him about the future and what you want for yourself? Not when you are upset about Valentine's day, jut when you are both calm and simply together. If you don't have the same goals,and desires, you need to be fair to each other and be honest. In my case, I moved on with my life, found my wonderful DH and couldn't possibly be any happier!
Did he tell you he bought a
Did he tell you he bought a ring 10 months ago? That is just odd to me. In this economy to spend that kind of money and then just sit on it doesn't sound right to me. Have you seen the ring? Is it possible there really is no ring? I have to agree that " making " him give you the ring isn't what you really want. I think in that regard you may always wonder if that is what he wanted or what you wanted. Why do you want to marry him? You don't like is daughter or mother... they don't go away with marriage.. they become family.
The wedding is fun, it's a great party.. marriage is what happens after the party. Be sure you know what you really want.
what was his answer as to
what was his answer as to why he is waiting? i assume he said something...
hahaha! I did sit down and
hahaha! I did sit down and talk to him about all of this...I told him I don't like games. He really says that he wants it to be a "surprise.." He doesn't know when to give it to me...yada yada yada...he has been trained to think that just because you officially are engaged you have to get married asap? I would like to be engaged for a couple more years...and in those few years - absolutely finish school, BUY A HOUSE, and then get married you know? I don't want to rush into a wedding, just committment. It's not that I don't "like" the stepmom thing somedays..but you'd have to understand how I am treated by the FMIL - My mom and I talk about this situation all the time...Once we are out of that house - we will be perfect. We really are best friends...and we do have a terrific relationship - but in the end it is US against the world. That is what it has come down to. We have a million obstacles working against us...His young daughter and I get along really really well. I think its because she does not remember me not being around? She really does respect me - I give them equal attention but the older daughter really is just mean and manipulative...just like her mom.
I DO know the ring is there...he told me to pick out 3 rings I wanted and he would pick one and buy it - and then do a surprise proposal. Well, what happened was - I came home from work early while he was walking in the door at the same time - and I asked what he was doing - he told me "IHAVE IT!" meaning the ring...He thinks I am going to forget that it is there to suprise me?