Dh is a jerk!! I just want a weekend away!
So I've been telling dh for a month that the weekend before my bday, the kids and I would be going to visit my parents. He didn't realize it was a ss weekend. I did and that is why I am going the weekend before my bday and not after. I figure the perfect bday gift for me would be to NOT have to spend time with ss. Right? (Btw, dh and I have no problem spending a weekend away from each other now and then.) Besides that, dh spent one night last week drinking with a buddy. Whatever. Then he spent ALL day Sunday golfing with friends...in a town 2 hours away! This weekend he plans on golfing all Saturday again. This ia actually all fine with me, except...
So today dh must've realized that I plan to be gone on an ss weekend. He emails me that he and ss are also going. (both our families live in ss town so at pickup dh would actually just stay in town) I tell him this was my weekend getaway...the best I can getaway with 3 kids! He asks what I'm hiding and why he can't go. After a few emails back and forth I finally get mad and just tell him I wanted time away from his kid. But seriously?! He can spend ALL that time away with me never complaining yet I can't spend a weekend with my family?! Even my parents were looking forward to us visiting without ss for once. And I seriously need a break from this kid. It is getting harder and harder to bite my tongue and be 'fair' when he treats my kids badly. I almost exploded last time ss was here. Plus dh just signed me up to have ss most of the summer. I NEED and WANT a break from his kid. Dh got a break from me and our kids Sunday when he golfer all day! I just want a break from HIS kid. Geez. So as of now, dh says they are still going and I told him I wasn't. Yeah. Happy bday to me.
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Comments
It's easier for your DH to
It's easier for your DH to believe you're having an affair than that you want a weekend away from his brat!!?! hahahah, omg. How could anyone not want to be around his angel for a weekend? :sick:
Sounds like you can't win with this one! I'm sorry, that just sucks.
It is kind of my fault for
It is kind of my fault for making it a no win. I was trying to just make it be allaboit my bday, time away, etc instead of it being about me not wanting to be about ss...even though it was about ss. I was trying so hard to not bring ss into it. Dh just made me so mad. I really thought he'd be ok with me going. So I brought up ss. Dumb me. Now dh is going to be madder because it's turning into a me bs ss thing. Ugh!
The thing is if they go dh
The thing is if they go dh will want them to stay with us at my parents. Then it wouldn't be a getaway weekend. I told dh he could stay with his mom but he said that would look bad.
>>I told dh he could stay
>>I told dh he could stay with his mom but he said that would look bad.<<
*ugh* Then why doesn't he stay home with SS per the original plan! I'm so frustrated for you!
Funny thing is I was actually
Funny thing is I was actually planning on going and not even letting mil know I was in town. So why can't dh just stay with his mom and pretend I'm back home with the kids? Ugh! And why does he have to pick that exact weekend to take ss fishing? Ugh! I just talked to my mom and jeis pretty bummed about not being able to see my kids that weekend. The last few times we have seen them, we have ss. They were looking forward to some QT with their grandkids and ss not being around.
Ok so tell dh that he and ss
Ok so tell dh that he and ss are not invited? Does he not think it is rude to invite himself and his child to spend the weekend with your family?
Did you invite yourself and your kiddos to go drinking with him the other night? How about golfing? Perhaps you and all the children should just tag along every time he freaking leaves the house?
Seriously these are my thoughts but my not be the best tactic to take. Can you try and do some damage control and say that you felt that things had been a little tense with ss lately and you thought that he could really benefit from some one on one time with dh and so you thought you would take that opportunity to spend some quality time with your parents? Make it about how you feel like it would help ss be more comfortable or some such bullshit.
Another thought I had-is your dh scared to be alone with ss? If he loves his son soooo much why wouldnt he jump at this opportunity to do some father-son bonding with him and spend the whole weekend just the two of them? Sounds like just what they need. Seriously-you can spend like every day of your freaking summer with his kid, but he isnt interested in a one on one weekend with him?
>>Does he not think it is
>>Does he not think it is rude to invite himself and his child to spend the weekend with your family?<<
Of course not! This is he man who thought it'd be ok to invite ss to my uncle's house, who has NEVER met ss, for a trip my mom was planning! Trip was cancelled or 'put on hold' because my mom didn't know how to kindly tell dh that ss wasn't invited. Also, dh has never asked my parents if ss can stay over when we go. Not that my parents would always say no but they have been annoyed that dh has never once asked first. Luckily my parents are on the verge of telling dh that sometimes ss isn't invited because they do want one on one time with heir grandkids. The thing is, my parents don't want to be responsible for ss and they feel when he is at their home that they are somewhat responsible for him, you know? Besides, ss has both sets of grandparents, plus his stepdad's parents that he visits. My parents feel they t need to play that role for him too. Anyway, so no, dh has no problems inviting his kid to MY family places. The one place I can escape, dh wants ss to invade in...or that's how I feel now.
>>is your dh scared to be alone with ss?<<
I think so!! He gets SO frustrated when I leave him and he has ss all to himself. At Christmas I refused to bring ss along with me while I spent time with my family. H couldn't get there til 4 days after me and wanted me to bring ss. Nope. He was so mad. Prob because he knew he was 'stuck' with ss alone. He ended up inviting his brother who is ss age to stay over and occupy ss! When dh and I first got married he left me with ss for two summers. Dh would work 12 hour days, eat, sleep then do it again. Never spent time with ss. On the weekends he sometimes would leave with coworkers and go out after working, never dealing with ss. Now that I've been almost forcing him to spend time with his kid he says I don't like ss. No, dh does not want to be alone with his kid. But yes, he expects me to! He figured he'd go at he same time as me this trip so he could dump ss with my kids and parents after he takes ss fishing. Or dump him at his mom's. Nope. Nobody wants your kid! Anyway, I think you hit it on this one. I have always felt this way so it makes me feel better knowing an outsider has noticed this too.
I might try your tactic as far as stressing ss needs bonding time with dh- away from the kids i'll prob stress that after this visitation from ss this weekend.