BM schedules SS12 activities during DH parenting time
This is a long vent.
So a feww years ago MIL decided she loved to golf.
She got herself a membership to a private golf club and became completely obsessed. As soon as SS turned 10 and was officially allowed to go she would take him with her to go golfing. She has paid for him to golf and bought him lessons and everything. They would spend Saturday mornings and whenever MIL wanted going golfing. SS was never really good at it or interested on his own(he likes basketball and wrestling).
MIL(with BM approval presented to my husband as BM having dreams of SS becoming professional golfer) signed Ss up for junior league at the golf club.MIL would take him every time he needed to go some during BM time some during DH time.
A few nonths ago DH and MIL had falling out over some complicated family issues. She has not visited or asked anyone about her grandson. She has not visited the golfcourse during junior league. None of us (including BM or SS) are golfers or even remotely interested in golf.
As soon as MIL was out of the picture BM stopped taking SS to his league games. Then she proceeded to schedule his lessons during DHs time with him.(one lesson per week with a choice of day).
Yesterday dh asked her about his games and why hes no longer going. Her reply: "He's no llonger interested which is fine by me."
Dh then said he would pull him out of lessons too as hes clearly not interested.
Her reply: "no because I promised your mom when we started that I would continue"
He then told her that since she promised Mil then she(bm) can take him on thursdays and he will pick up SS on Tuesday.
She has plans tuesday with him.
Sounds so petty no? I do however have to add that this is a pattern with her. She wants to decide on her own what SS should be doing and thinks that DH should give up his time parenting for SS to do what she wants.
I wonder if he can just show up on Tuesday and she has to relinquish him. Hmmm...
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I thought I wrote this
I have SS12 (and SS9) and BM is scheduling activities on my boyfriend's time. The problem is I have BS11 as well and on same schedule of weekends (I have BS more, but we've synchronised EOWE) - so any disruption to this schedule is a disruption to my life, too and my son's.
To be fair to BM (sort of), the activities she schedules are the same ones I'd schedule here or that I don't have an issue with at all. Rugby, cricket, boy scouts, community events. But no - this is not ok.
It doesn't matter (in a sense) what the activity is - she cannot schedule stuff on the other parent's time without consent. It's wrong. It would be one thing if both parents were on board with the activity and had agreed it and thought it was important, but you guys aren't.
Mhmm...i thought this might be a popular theme lol
Yeah...DH also has ss7 on weekends so ot is not ok.
Bm also had other kids and does stuff with them on our weekend which she invites ss12 to and then asks if she could " borrow" him for a few hours.
If the kid doesn't enjoy it
If the kid doesn't enjoy it and couldn't care less about the sport or playing, why have him still go at all?
MIL backed out. BM wants to pick and choose and I almost understand her reasoning that Dad's mother (MIL) got us (meaning Dad and Mom) into this, why should she give up her parenting time for what MIL started? On the other hand, if it wasn't golf, there would be something else this BM would be trying to squeeze in on Dad's parenting time. It's a topic on this site often.
IMO, your Dh and BM need to select one activity. One the child is actually interested in and desires to participate in. And then both parents need to commit to it. So many children these days are signed up for numerous activities , whether that be one after the other as in seasonal sports (such as football into basketball into baseball) or year round (such as dance lessons, boy scouts, youth club blah blah).
While it might be fine and work well for intact households , it's a hardship on households that have limited scheduled parenting time. Of course no parent wants to spend every weekend dedicated to a kid's baseball practices and games only to then gear up for football season next. For a parent that only has, for example, EOWE it gives the entire household no family time but sitting on a bench watching a kid do his sport.... after sport, after sport. Yawn.
Pick one. BM and Dad must both agree. Must both commit to taking the kid on their time to the one activity. Pick the activity carefully as once signed-up the child should participate. If households can agree and commit to only one activity that last six to eight weeks, so be it. If households can agree and commit to just one couple hour once a week activity but is a long term activity which hits both homes equally, so be it.
While I do think sports and other type activities are important in building a well rounded person (being part of a team, socialization skills, motivation, discipline et), I do not believe a kid must be go-go-go non-stop nor participate in every activity available. Their activities should fit into the household's schedule and budget while not interfering unduly with the home's other members and family time as a unit.
Bm had already picked scouts...DH agreed
BM had grandiose dreams that Ss will be a pro golfer. BM and MIL both decided to put him in the league without my husbands input. MIL used to come over on saturdays and take him to th club . We thought it was ok for him to go and spend time with grandma(on dh parent time bc MIL is his mom.).
Ss is interested in scouts and DH agreed to take him to SOME scout meetings( after she had put him in the scout troop aleeady over which DH was not consulted). Then she started not taking ss to any meetings on her time and scheduling all of the trips ( they have choices of trips to go on)on Dh weekends. Dh also has another son 7yo whose visitation is on weekends so we cannot always make a daytrip.
Recently she tried to invite her whole family (her sisters cousins and friends) to the birthday party we are throwing for Ss.(first year we have SS12 on his actual birthday)
Shes invited us to his badge events and birthday parties but we prefer to have events for him on our time. Also we think the reason she imvites us is that then she gets to keep gifts we would be giving SS at her house.
Now she is trying to do the same thing with this golf thing. She is the one who refuses to take him out of the golf league because she promised MIL who has not shown up for months. So basically DH has to take Ss to an activity noone around him does and SS does not like bc bm promised someone something.
Yeah safe to say we are not taking him to the golf thing just to satisfy BMs whim. If it were an activity SS actually likes we might consider it.